Hollow cream-puff self
Narcissus in all his self-absorbed glory
Put on your airs for me.
Sadistic blow-up doll,
I do not comprehend your inflated state.
Unfilled center and vacant brain,
Unoccupied eyes that somehow laugh.
Cruel, this void-self, futile and insincere
And I cannot comprehend these
Gouged out caverns in your humanity.
Why is there an echo in your insides?
How can your guts sustain such a reverberation?
Ah, but I see your scraped-out shell
Making its way through the crowd toward solid me.
Author notes
Trying for something a little different than my usual. Hope it worked out okay, but that's what you're here to tell me, no?
Trying a different style
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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hm...a little piece of imagery that stuck out to me was "unoccupied eyes that somehow laugh." You definitely nailed how something inanimate that is made to look human has that eerie look in its eyes.
This is definitely different from your usual style, the beat is not quite as sharp. Do love the last two lines, a lovely contrast. Also interesting how you mention the fact that something so empty is desperately and persistently pursuing a person of substance (all assumed metaphorically, of course).
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you've interpreted this poem pretty much the way i wrote it. actually, the last two lines sort of sum up the message of the poem.
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I love this one not only coz i can't stand fakeness but also because you managed to describe it so well... ditto everything P.S. said + "put on your airs for me"... "airs" nice pun with the blow up doll too and all... cos airs also means like acts right?
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yep airs can mean acts and arrogance and does in this case. thank you for commenting!
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"Sadistic blow-up doll,
I do not comprehend your inflated state.
Unfilled center and vacant brain,
Unoccupied eyes that somehow laugh."
--I loved how you described this person as nothing but a mindless blow up doll. And then continued to use that metaphor throughout through piece.
"Ah, but I see your scraped-out shell
Making its way through the crowd toward solid me."
--I also loved how in this part you still used the air head description but then also, to me and the way I read it, gave them this leech quality. The way that I read those two lines made me think of something empty that it completely dependent on lively things.
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yeah i'm glad you got the last part. that's exactly what i was aiming for.
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interesting write there...me i jus pop the balloon n let off steam...
she usly bitches either way lol
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I fear that I do not know your usual, but I do know that this is a clever and well written poem. I enjoyed it immensely. My favourite line was "Why is there an echo in your insides?" I don't know why, but it stuck in my head as I read through the piece a second time.
The message you presented in this piece was great and very effective.
Well done!
Cyn
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