Bubbles have
not a sound-
not the quick flutter
of startled flight,
these silent wolf moons
suspended from my angry ceiling
and I have only scared myself,
peering into their dilated pupils
of a dead future,
rummaging through reflections
for some better tomorrow.
These solemn eyes from a peacock's tail,
they do not rise or fall with my fear.
For a moment,
that crucial second before they break;
I hear the prayer of a hushed little bird.
She opens her soul to sing,
and
bursts
into silence.
Author notes
It's that moment when you get your hopes up, the last hopes...the ones that burst in mid-air before they get a chance to die a dignified death.
A contest entry
- The Greatest Have Always Been Originals by Socialgremlin.
565 points, ended June 18, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I didn't expect anything so graceful from the title lol. In fact, that might be my only suggestion - do you think that's the perfect title for this piece? To me it sounds like a child's poem from the title, but fully adult and ponderous from the poetry. Maybe that's just me lol. The last three lines were the perfect finale for this - I almost wonder if, for the sake of their weight and individuality and even their length, they could serve as a final stanza all by themselves. It's a bit dark overall, but I love the language and the imagery and the flow. Cheers!
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excellent! great writing!
your right about one thing, bubbles don't make a sound. but sometimes, there is just to much noise anyway, right? and don't be so scared, as long as your alive, the future is not. nothing is set in stone, (well maybe the ten commandments) life is what you make it. just remember, and this to shall pass,if it's bad. ok? and ps. do you know i got a shirt that says, 'bubble trouble'? really... love gypsyfish
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:)
This is absolutely astonishing!! I love the images that were bound tightly in a beautiful frame. They spoke to my body, mind, and soul....
I also love how the poem was pieced together. My eyes joyfully sensitized each and every word as I read it....
I am a very empathetic person, so each poem that I read, I can feel. I felt absolute accomplishment of taking my time to read this poem...
Great Job!!
Cith...
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Good short poem
Very neat piece of work! -
This made my insides feel like alka seiltzer and for my brain to get real shiny.
I swear! every time I turn my back another set of awe-inspiring shiny work apears! is it so selfish to ask to find a piece of work that I truely do not like? Is there some unwriten rule that says that I must feel as if I am in a room atop Olympus surounded by these great beings when I am merely a simple cobbler?
I loved the diction, and the connotations of said diction. I fell madly in love with the imagery( we're running off to Vegas to get married in a biddy).
and I find myself at a loss for why such a grand idea had to come to someone else and not me! Jealousy is a cruel hard master. I really liked this work. -D.
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I like it
sad poem written with so much soul and feeling. I love the end especially (i always pay special attention to endings 
)
"She opens her soul to sing,
and
bursts
into silence."
Keep on writing!
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Promise...sing
Despite the ephemeral essence of this free verse composition there is no dearth of hints of creative potential which deserve due applause.
Nevertheless care should be taken when using free verse rather than rhyme as the medium for expression because the reader's attention is/should be drawn to possible contradictions.
The juxtapostion of contradictory emotions "angry ceiling" and the two references to fear is surprising as is the use of rummage (an excellent word choice) into a 'dead future' - one would expect perhaps 'uncertain' or possibly 'ephemeral and or evanescent' in the context of the author's notes because "ones that burst in mid-air before they get a chance to die a dignified death." can catalyze others and also there are few instances of dignified death - especially in the context of hope.
The songburst leading into silence deserves one hand clapping
Hoping this is viewed as constructive criticism
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Unique and extremely accomplished. Shows true talent. There is so much here in few words. Well done!
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Great piece! I really enjoyed it, it's kind of sad, but it's beautifully written. Good luck in the contest
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I found some very interesting things in this poem. For example, I found myself reading the first two lines in the exact same rhythm of S-O in Morse code, which made me want to repeat the S pattern on line 3. It made the word "flutter" stand out much more in my reading. The metaphors you use are quite original, and the most effective one was "these silent wolf moons". Trying to connect your author notes to the actual poem was difficult to me. I really couldn't see the poem connecting a random reader to your idea of hopes bursting before they even die.
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A little vague, but good
Your description is really excellent. I especially liked it in the second section. Keep writing.
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Very creative write you have penned here. Liked the reference to solemn eyes from a peacock's tail - we used to raise these birds and I collected so many of their tail feathers to give way - others wanted them. Great metaphoric poem - great ending too.
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two thumbs up
This is very nice. Some very original lines in here. Good focus and metaphors too! Fine work,so keep it goin'!
Thanks for the read!
Creatress
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you work the internal rhyming into just enough lines to keep it subtle and yet still strong.
I love the ending, it's such an eternal cycle and capture the feeling perfectly. hope, the peak, the view of what could be, despair. and we all know it and fall victim anyway. great write.
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