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prayer (terzanelle #23)

 

a soft wind brushes limbs in surrounding woods
and fluffs like a blanket arid fields of grass
high in the hills by the edge of an old dirt road

from the silhouettes of oaks madrones and pines
the call of an owl thins out into the dark
and fluffs like a blanket arid fields of grass

a crescent valley climbs to canyon peaks
an unseen coyote sings the rising moon
the call of an owl thins out into the dark

random rustles whisper subtle tones
echoed through the corridors of mind
an unseen coyote sings the rising moon

moved by supplication's gentle sound
god sheds a feather from the wings of night
echoed through the corridors of mind

a lone heart gazes long on specks of light
a soft wind brushes limbs in surrounding woods
god sheds a feather from the wings of night
high in the hills by the edge of an old dirt road

 

 

Author notes

to learn more about the terzanelle: http://allpoetry.com/Column/784852/

In a list

Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • sylve
    November 21, 2007

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    I love the descriptive wording you used and I imagined myself back in Arizona standing somewhere at dusk in the middle of nowhere, probably somewhere near the river with the huge cliffs where I've seen owls before. There's also a dusty road that goes all the way around the lake that is absolutely beautiful if not terrifying to drive around. Great work!

    . Rewarded 6


  • Estarla
    November 13, 2007
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    I personally like the strong imagery in this poem. I really like "moved by supplication's gentle sound" and "echoed through the corridors of mind." It has a sort of night in the west feel to it. Very nice.

  • Kevin Moderators member
    October 19, 2007

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    Looking at this for the book project, and this line stands out as needing some commas or something?

    "oaks madrones and pines"

    . Rewarded 4


  • white stone gold member
    July 27, 2007
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    Repetetive. Dry, but as if tinder ready for the flame of the readers imagination. The coyote howls.

  • Foxydaze14
    June 23, 2007

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    Wow, this is another excellent piece! I really like the second stanza and the last stanza. Thanks for sharing!

  • OceanGirl
    June 17, 2007
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    just so you know...wouldn't allow me to increase my numbers of stars... good grief this deserves a 5!


  • OceanGirl
    June 17, 2007

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    Absolutely amazing... I do not think I have ever read anything quite like it... a fine piece of art...

  • myrataal silver member
    June 14, 2007
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    OH!

    ... if you make fluffs a verb ... magic may happen ...

  • myrataal silver member
    June 14, 2007

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    I loved this ...

    I loved the neatness of structure in every form; I loved the wondrous enrichment of imagery -- mostly spiritual in its provocative tokens; I loved the gentle alliteration woven through the phrasings; but most of all I loved the reinforcement of the refrains; wholeness of echoes; paradoxes of silence and sound. Wisdom (owl) matched with sensuality (moon) may stir what we call the silent poem, and it did.

    The only thing which does not belong in this poem, is the word "like" -- metaphors do not like "like".

    Thank you for a tactile prayer of yearning.

    Love
    Myra

    . Rewarded 8

  • Nicole Hanna
    June 13, 2007

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    A terza rima is damn near impossible for me. A villanelle, not so much, but it still sucks. But to put the two together is just a creation I cannot wrap my brain around. lol. The thing I like about this form, though, is that it's not quite as overpowering with the language as a villanelle can be at times. I had an issue with "arid" in L2. My bad, but I kept wanting to read "amid" lol, or expecting a comma before the word to support the adjective. However, that's just because I'm a lazy reader at times. I actually like that this lacks punctuation, because the flow is flawless (other than that one hang-up of mine). The third stanza is by far my favorite because, though there is necessary repetition in this piece, it's new and fresh every time these lines appear. To me, those lines are the heart of this piece, and support everything that comes before and after. I generally feel disconnected from nature-based poetry... perhaps it's the city girl in me. But with this piece, I was there, experiencing everything you've described. That last line wraps it up stunningly. I don't think you could've arranged this better to have that line fall at the end.
1 - 11 of 11