sin hit the pavement
in such a way
that numbers did
back flips to
resemble icons
arguments with
bad posture
tore at all the
deleted thoughts
that dared to think
events appeared
in acceptable rage
flinging themselves
against the pavement
that sin had yet to
hit
while dates and
ages
built calm like
awesome
with a bad headache
Author notes
"Poetry it what's lost in translation"
-Robert Frost
A contest entry
- Prewrite Phenomenom #8 by Ryno.
300 points, ended June 13, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Repel - Experimental Poetry by cvillelisa.
450 points, ended June 24, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Organized chaos? What this shows is sin has direction, and targets, though we do not know the plan, even chaos has order to it, and all has direction, when it hits it causes others to lose direction, because that is it's direction. You did an amazing job writing this, I would have to say that this is one of my favs I've read so far, it's deep for thought.
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Thanks. I was hoping to have an effect of that kind.
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Excellent
How does one survive reading the rest one you read,
sin hit the pavement? My goodness this was such a classic way of capturing chaos.
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Great job. It's nice to read fresh ideas. Keep listening to the spirit it does a soul good.
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Really nice opening line --
i like the detachment of this piece and the stanza about arguments with bad posture is also really a standout.
chaos is the name of the product i happen to sell. it is a great word though isn't it?
i like this. thanks for experimenting.
Lisa -
I don't think mention the pavement, and referring to it again worked very well; but I feel some deeper emotions in this write; and some well attempted metaphors; overall I enjoyed this. Thanks for the entry.
Ryan
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