Last night we ended
our argument
with swallowed lips-
and nothing left to say.
--Bulging whales lay beached
on the white sands
of bleeding blow holes
and wind tossed hopes
that you claimed were my bedroom floor.
(wouldn’t you know.)
--
I bathed in bubbling baths of gene pools
(that could have used a little bit more candle-lit chlorine)
and white out;
it’s the closest I’ve ever come to erasing you.
and I walked a block from home
until I realized it’s the closest
I’ve ever come to escaping you.
As snow does to a fire
I melted to him;
embroidered by black moss grins.
Gods bit flowers of ink;
his taste on each skull.
The curves of my back
were dropping pollen like commas.
He didn’t know how to finish a ---
Dark lilac cheeks sagged,
with the coolness on our feet;
beads of foam flecked love drowned violet forests.
--I cared for nothing at all--
(even him.)
A dosage of you was stronger than alcohol
and muzzles of snorting oceans.
Everyone’s predictable
once you get to know them enough,
and you expected me to assume
shipping and handling was a part of the package deal-
( I hadn’t.)
We ate splintering impressions beneath the clouds
and then fell backwards into sleep,
just hanging there-
suspended together—
until we had invented a ruined childhood.
Marigolds sweat sweet nectar
through bent straws
strung about butterfly lips;
The ones fluttering in fabric.
(My summer dresses and turtlenecks
couldn’t hide the bruises staining my skin
like mellow yellow screams.)
We were cavity palms
and dumpster kisses.
He told me I was trash--
(I wondered why he still
wanted me. )
Skin rags fell into soapy sinks of dirty dishes;
Food dissolving into disposable dreams.
The last year of my life
flushed down the drains of dancing delirium.
You became a mirror slave,
and I became a moon to absent suns.
One day you will tell me
“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
and I will remind you--
that you don’t either.
Author notes
Secret #2-
I am well aware of
what being with you means,
and I am scared.
I swear in that moment we were infinite [for now.]
This is about loving someone way more
than they love you
and needing to let go
but not knowing if you can or want to.
It's about trying to enjoy what you can--while you can.
In a list
A contest entry
- Infinite, 10,000 points. by InfiniteCaitlin.
12000 points, ended July 2, 2007, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Cookie Monster Has A Thing For Punctuation by Exodus.
1197 points, ended July 26, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just go to it. by Swan song.
480 points, ended July 15, 2007, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Incredible imagery and priceless metaphors make this poem come to life and the commentary in the parentheses are also key to the storytelling and give the emotional tone to the poem. Excellent, excellent poetry.
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THANK YOU
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WOWWWWWW. this is the best poem i've ever read so far in ap...& i'm not joking...theres so much imagery and emotions translating into metaphors---and they fit sooooo perfectly throughout.\
Gods bit flowers of ink;
his taste on each skull.
The curves of my back
were dropping pollen like commas.
He didn’t know how to finish a ---
_very creative
&& this is my favorite part-
We were cavity palms
and dumpster kisses.
He told me I was trash--
(I wondered why he still
wanted me. )
Skin rags fell into soapy sinks of dirty dishes;
Food dissolving into disposable dreams.
The last year of my life
flushed down the drains of dancing delirium.
wonderful. just wondeful. congrats on those trophies. well deserved.
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Very good will read again
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Hm.
I've made up my mind.
I dislike the guy.
Blahh with him.
=/ -
To say you had talent would be an understatemnt, but then again, that's part of the reason why you're on my favourites. =]
I really liked the fact that you managed to keep up a steady flow of alliteration through out the whole piece. It almost seems like you chose a letter for each stanza (sometimes two) and kept with them until the next stanza. Or am I reading too much into it? lol.
Anyway, thank you ^_^ -
This has to be the most poignant insightful piece i have read thus far. the way you have placed your words in carfeul juxtaposition but not, leaving one to wander and linger on each phrase...albeit, like a relationship that knows where the beginning was and hard to decipher the end...well done...
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Very clever. The title had my attention even before I started reading. You have a great way with words although I felt as if I was (and you) were becoming lost inside your layers of metaphors. Thank you for entering my contest.
♥ animated -
My summer dresses and turtlenecks
couldn’t hide the bruises staining my skin
like mellow yellow screams.)
We were cavity palms
and dumpster kisses.
He told me I was trash--
(I wondered why he still
wanted me. )
Skin rags fell into soapy sinks of dirty dishes;
Food dissolving into disposable dreams.
The last year of my life
flushed down the drains of dancing delirium.
This is what brought your poem to a startling reality for me. Actually, hits close to home, whether intentional for the reader or not. It amazes me how, with just one changed decision, one small action that takes you away can change who you are, where you are, WHY you are. This, definately made me feel infinite, whether the judge believes so or not. Very descriptive, very, mind boggling if that makes sense.
Much Love,
Jessica
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aww i like it
i lov how you use so much metaphors
but i never have anything to write about anymore
that is a good thing right? -
wow i couldnt never write like you you're amazing
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This poem has amazing sound. Your alliteration is strong without overpowering your content. Fantastic description of loving so much it eats you alive. Nothing like sacrificing yourself to someone who could less, eh? Unfortunately we've all been there, though most of us can't describe as well as you can
Best of luck in the contest. >pixxie<
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"I bathed in bubbling baths of gene pools
(that could have used a little bit more candle-lit chlorine)
and white out;
it’s the closest I’ve ever come to erasing you."
Know the feeling!
[=
Nice write .x.
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This was stunning,
As usual by you.
Wonderful job. <3
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"Gods bit flowers of ink;
his taste on each skull.
The curves of my back
were dropping pollen like commas.
He didn’t know how to finish a ---
Dark lilac cheeks sagged,
with the coolness on our feet;
beads of foam flecked love drowned violet forests.
--I cared for nothing at all--
(even him.)
A dosage of you was stronger than alcohol
and muzzles of snorting oceans."
I don't know how you do this.
I mean, it's crazy.
You're so amazing [<-- because I can't find a different word besides 'amazing']
If you ever stopped writing, I don't know what I'd do.
Probably throw goldfish at you until you wrote again =D
I love you baby ♥
~Princess of Shadows~ -
awesome
You always say the things I've always wanted to say but couldn't. Well done, Jane
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thaankk youuu!
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"I bathed in bubbling baths of gene pools
(that could have used a little bit more candle-lit chlorine)
and white out;
it’s the closest I’ve ever come to erasing you.
and I walked a block from home
until I realized it’s the closest
I’ve ever come to escaping you."
Lord bby.
this was amazing.
I don't understand how you do it.
But I absolutely love reading your work.
they make my day :]
you're so talented, stay that way.<33
ilyyy.♥
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"Skin rags fell into soapy sinks of dirty dishes;
Food dissolving into disposable dreams.
The last year of my life
flushed down the drains of dancing delirium."
Ahhh I just LOVE the alliteration!
And the whole thing is just....inspiring really.
Don't ever stop writing, hunniepie.
♥
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They never understand
and sometimes we don't either. But that is the beautiful tragedy called love. We love when our brians scream that only hurt will come of it. Our hearts never listen. Very well done and full of the emotions that writers sometimes over look.
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MMMM, I love it, this fits the contest perfectly. & I do feel infintie reading it. this has a feel, I love it. Amazing flow,stunning piece love.
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"and I walked a block from home
until I realized it’s the closest
I’ve ever come to escaping you.
As snow does to a fire
I melted to him;"
"and then fell backwards into sleep,
just hanging there-
suspended together—"
"He told me I was trash--
(I wondered why he still
wanted me. )"
"You became a mirror slave,
and I became a moon to absent suns.
One day you will tell me
“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
and I will remind you--
that you don’t either."
I loved those parts so so so much
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Babe, you are incredible. Whether you write those short effective pieces that hit you like BAM or these lengthy full ones that flood your mind ... you are absolutely brilliant. You show such control over your work. The alliteration in the beginning made me smile, you know I love it.
"embroidered by black moss grins"
--this was a great line, loving the words you chose.
The ending, probably the last five stanzas where the standout. It was as if you had completely refocused and the pen stroked by your mind not by your hand.
"Marigolds sweat sweet nectar... - ...The ones fluttering in fabric."
--you don't know how incredible this image is, do you? The pieces that jam into my vision and it reminds me of spring. There is a deep metaphor here embedded within the light words.
"(My summer dresses... - ...like mellow yellow screams.)"
--the flow here was spot on. I really enjoyed these few lines, it sounds like something I'd write but better, heh. Anyone that can use "mellow yellow" in a serious way is superb in my books.
"We were cavity palms... - ...flushed down the drains of dancing delirium."
--okay, that's it! How do you come up with this? The first line I just love. It reminds me of the moon and grasping it in the hand watching it revolve.
I wish I could make this a better comment. I haven't quite gotten back into my "groove". Once I get into it and I'm regularly commenting, they will get better I'm sure!
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He didn’t know how to finish a ---
This made me grin.
There are two major things about this poem that make me hate you-
1. Your amazing images, combining things that have never been combined before- AND THEN MAKING THEM WORK!
2. You can actually end a poem. And do it well.
Great stuff!
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"Dark lilac cheeks sagged,
with the coolness on our feet;
beads of foam flecked love drowned violet forests.
--I cared for nothing at all--
(even him.)"
That's my FAVORITE part, for sure =]
i REALLY loved it hahhaa
it's those two combined huh?
i read them separately.
it's better now. lotssssss.
n i LOVE you hahaha
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"I bathed in bubbling baths of gene pools
(that could have used a little bit more candle-lit chlorine)
and white out;
it’s the closest I’ve ever come to erasing you.
and I walked a block from home
until I realized it’s the closest
I’ve ever come to escaping you."
damn.
thats effin powerful.
you my dear are so damn good at snaggin gold!!
♥
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Oh my. This is so beautiful.
"A dosage of you was stronger than alcohol..."
That line really stood out to me, babe.
You've done a wonderful job on this piece. The emotional feeling about it and the way you compare things to make a better picture is awesome.
Good luck.
Love you*
Austyn
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