Should I try to tame the tides
while the world is spinning circles,
spitting swimming souls ashore
or will I mind my manners,
leaving life alone
to solve it's own dilemma?
To toy with time and space
takes proper knowledge
of the consequential kick backs.
No, I do not dare disturb this... universal reign.
Author notes
Please don't probe my mind with a spatula or a toothbrush.
A contest entry
- Phrase Prompt: I by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended June 11, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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wow
I love this:
To toy with time and space
takes proper knowledge
of the consequential kick backs.Our actions all have consequences on the world.Awesome write.
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quite superb, well deserved gold matey.
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"To toy with time and space
takes proper knowledge
of the consequential kick backs." This speaks volumes as to the consequences of our actions in this world...love this...I see why its a GOLD..
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Congrats
Damn! This is a hell of piece...the alliteration in the first stanza is excellent..
I love this:
"To toy with time and space
takes proper knowledge
of the consequential kick backs"
This closed as I was finishing, this was
one of my lines:
'reverberations, infinite in consequence'
Awesome, baby.
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Thanks
I'll have to take a peek at yours... hmhmhm
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You have a marvelous entry as well. The ink of your pen caress the paper with such amazing love, it is not even funny. It is always good to see how much and how incredible we are. Talent is beyond the ink that writes but in the mind that sees beyond. Splendid
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Hmmm
God this is gorgeous, especially the first three lines. The alliteration adds a powerful effect and the enjambment only amplifies it. I do think you should have used a "the" to begin line 2, it did make the line sound awkward. The final line is a nice conclusion to the poem and summation of it as well. Overall this shimmers with poetic beauty. Wonderful job and best of luck.
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Thanks for the gold man. I have to agree this was a really talent-full contest and the 'the' was something I switched about five times but after a second oppinion and re-read I have to agree.
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