De vera

                                              De Vera         

A fly circled over the mound of raw meat. A drop of blood dripped off the meat and fell to the dirty floor. The meat was red and slightly browned on the edges from age. The fly circled intoxicated by the meat’s scent and trapped to the possible idea of food. Vera’s eyes, as if in a trace, stared at the fly as in circled, around and around. Trapped, lost, hopeless. The day was coming to an end. The sun had set and the crowd of people in the front of the dirty restaurant was dawdling. Lou, the Chinese cook, was washing the remaining pots in the huge metal sink. “Vera! Don’t stand there! Your feet are frozen to the ground!” he yelled in his broken English. “Get out of here it’s after hours now! “ Vera glanced at the old man then slightly removed her blood stained apron and hung it on a metal hook next to the door. She cast her eyes downward, fearing the glare in her employer’s eyes. Particles of meat stuck under her nails, her skin was a tawny yellow from the spit she had chewed earlier, and slowly she extended her hand in front of Lou. The old man grumbled the wrinkles in his forehead deepening; he dropped a few dollars in her hand. She slowly fingered the bills and turned to leave. “No wait,” he said. She turned back to catch him digging deep in his pockets he drew out his hand and handed her some more money. “Buy clothes this time ok?” A smile cracked on her lips. She stuffed the money down her top. “Tomorrow?” He nodded, his eyes felling with tears and he turned back to his pots. He caressed them, rubbing all the scum from the day off. Vera walked out the door.

The street was dark. The city refused to waste money by putting in street lights in this section. It was a starless night. The air was thick and smelled of rain. Smoke billowed out of the chimneys from the houses on either side on the alley. The smoke clung in the air, and filled the ally. It began to rain. The rain splattered down upon the pavement, Vera’s boots slopped through puddles. “Vera, Vera help me, help.”  She spun around searching for the source of the voice. No one was there. She knew it was her mind, as always. The rain drenched her thin frame completely. She slipped and fell down as a car raced past her splashing muddy water up over her face. She glared angrily at the expensive car. She trudged to an old warehouse building and climbed to the top floor. There, among the pigeons, she was home. A mattress lay upon the floor. Empty cigarette packs surrounded her bed. She dug through them till she finally came upon a full pack. She lit one up with a match and collapsed upon her bed.
Her damp clothes stuck to her body. She slowly began to slip into exhaustion.

The cigarette ashes fell to the floor next to her. “Vera, Vera, why? Oh why, Vera? You didn’t help Vera. You will pay Vera!”  Vera jumped out of her sleep. He sat on the edge of her mat. “Vera, my dear,” His face was dark as if he didn’t possess a face. His cloak was tattered, like the homeless.  He reached forward to stroke her face. She jumped back as the cold brushed her cheek. His figure instantly faded. The woman appeared. “Be nice!” Her gaunt hand reached out to grasp Vera’s neck. Vera swatted at the hand, the air sweeping through her fingers. “You can’t fight us Vera.”  “Leave me be leave me be leave me be!”  Vera shook with fear and rocked back and forth clutching her knees to her chest. Tears streamed down her face. “Let me be, please.”

Sunlight shone through the cracks in the roof as morning finally came. Vera’s thin frame was still sitting on the pile of bedding. Her cheeks were streaked from crying but no more tears flowed. She clutched to her chest a tiny portrait. Upon examining the portrait, one would see a depiction of a young, smiling man. “Help me Dmitri” Make them go away, please,” Vera finally rose and kissed the picture softly before hiding it in her bedding. “Bye Dmi, I’ll miss you… always.”

She stumbled out of her building and into the muddy street. The main street was busy despite the fact the sun was still low on the horizon. Working men ran to their jobs, their trench coats flailing behind them, the homeless pushed their metal carts down the road while aimless muttering to themselves. The rich walked their pets through the maintained parks. Everyone was oblivious of each other. Vera turned off the road and walked down the alley. Alleys were pretty quiet, all was quiet, the silence was only occasionally broken by the ring of a gun shot or a loud mouthed crack head. The air was laden with the fear of being shot, raped, or murdered lingered in the air. Gang members stood in huddled groups. An occasional cars carrying a pimp or old man who sold drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes, would race through the alley. Vera did not have a world, she didn’t belong to the working class, and she didn’t belong to the rich class nor the druggies, or gangs. Features faded and each face was undistinguishable in Vera’s eyes. She hurried down the alley. The man walked with surprising speed behind her. “Vera, Vera, see him? He’ll kill you with that knife. See it? It’s sharp Vera.”  She covered her ears and ran behind a large dumpster. She grabbed the syringe resting there and plunged it into her arm. Slowly the drug flowed into her blood stream and she sighed in mix of pleasure and exhaustion. She was so cold. Dmi, thoughts raced through her head. “Think Vera, we’ll ride in a limo! And eat stake when we are rich!” He’s smile, he’s sparkling eyes. Dmi was the dreamer. He would have made the manifestations in her mind disappear. A bullet was lodged in his chest and his blood spilled over the dirty street. The figures came often since he left. They wouldn’t leave. She barely eats, didn’t sleep, she worked so she could buy her drugs and boozes. With luck, she could take enough to make them leave for a little.

The sun was high in the sky by the time Vera wandered into Lou’s restaurant. Lou was covered in sweat. Vera silently pulled on her apron; Lou glanced up and shook his head at her. He viewed the torn sweater she always wore and tossed her a dark green t-shirt. “Wear that,” he said “it’s to hot for that top today.” Vera silently obeyed. Removing her top right there, she pulled of the t-shirt. Lou glanced at her arms and his eyes grew wet. Her inner arms were covered with bruises, a few burns and many puncher wounds from her needles. Her veins were swollen, her fists clenched. Lou slowly lifted her up off the floor and held her in his arms. His eyes searched her face glazed in her eyes. Lou caringly cared to the back of the kitchen and laid her down on a pile of blankets. “You took a bit much Vera, stay here tonight.” He stroked her hair, “maybe the people in your mind won’t come here tonight.” Vera smiled weakly, “they never leave.” she said. Her mind went black as her eyes closed.

The sun setting and the air was heavy and humid as Vera gasped out of her sleep in the middle of the night. “Ill kill you Vera, Ill break your body in two and take you to hell!” Vera thrashed and screamed her bloodshot eyes flashing with fear. Her body jolted foreword as she screamed. Lou came running. Vera’s arms were thrashing, her finger nails catching her hair and ripping it out. “I can’t… they’ll never leave!”

Lou murmured over and over as he held her. “Vera, your hallucinations keep manifesting more and more often. You get them even when your not stoned don’t you dear. Vera, you need help, the drugs don’t make what you see nor do they stop them. He tapped his head, “it’s in here, a split mind.” His forehead wrinkled in deep thought. Vera’s eyes were closed and she was fast asleep from exhaustion.

The next day a drug dealer dropped off some more drugs for her at the restaurant. Lou paid him. Vera pushed the needle in her arm. The drug flowed into her blood stream, she relaxed, too fast. She fell back. It was too much. She knew it, she felt it. Lou went to her. “We must take you to a hospital!” “No,” was all she whispered. Her vision began to go blurry as she looked into Lou’s face. Behind him her manifestation stood, silent for the first time. In her mind, Dmi’s smiling face. Vera smiled and her eyed closed. Out the window the fly flew into the asunder city. She was free.