Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Story Of A Vampire's Victim

His eyes of the purest gold
Were the first to captivate my innocent soul
Then he whispered his deceptively sweet words
Through his fangs, and made my body immobile
He took my lips in his frozen kisses
And soon he took my life
I awoke, abandoned by my lover
Left only with dried blood on my throat
And my body transformed
By his terrible, ancient curse
I realized he believed I walked among the deceased
Though my realm had become that of the undead
No longer will I see my loved ones
Without witnessing terror on their faces
No longer will I be able to bask
In the vibrant glory of the sun
Now the silent moon is my only companion
The empty solitude of the night my only home
I use my eternal youth and beauty
To lure, to tempt, in order to steal only a sip
Of a mortal's crimson nectar
Or I will murder a pitiful small creature
In an attempt to quench my unsatiable thirst
Because I made a solemn vow
To never do unto another
What my love did to me

Author notes

I used the first picture in the Vampire Contest as inspiration for this poem:
http://tn3.deviantart.com/fs5/300W/i/2004/311/9/1/__VAMPIRE___by_Arehandora.jpg

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • cool

    Very dark and deep!!!! awesome work


  • Lucifers Seductress
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The flow is great, a vivid dark, elegant write. Sorrowful and pretty, loved it. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • ennovy silver member
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nicely done

    you have done a very vividly dark write..thanks for entering my contest.........novy


  • IndividualEleven
    July 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good write, flow was great too, the story was good but in my opinion could have used some kind of dramatic effect, it reads somewhat like a list of events, instead of a captivating story poem, i think this has great potential and maybe some poetic devices might help create the beauty in the words to come alive. 


  • Swan song gold member
    July 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A vampte poem indeed good job


  • Trust Calvaire
    June 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    nice poem...but i ned to know what picture you used...byfirday after noon..if i dont then i will dq you...

1 - 6 of 6