One day, my childlike innocence was shattered in its core
When friendly soul drank anger’s venom with unmoving face
Abyss of suffering and darkness ready to explore
The laws of karma, out of rage, deciding to ignore
That deeds in flesh are to be paid in realm of time and space
One day, my childlike innocence was shattered in its core
He built a wall of ignorance and slammed heart’s fragile door
The knife of hatred and abuse right on my throat he’d place
Abyss of suffering and darkness ready to explore
My soul sought refuge leaving body on this blood-stained shore
Where signs of fear in futile sand soul’s subtle hand would trace
One day, my childlike innocence was shattered in its core
He didn’t know that fruits of horror in his heart he’d store
When taking what I had refused through violent embrace
Abyss of suffering and darkness ready to explore
For years, my soul would not return to body bruised in war
A lonely shell without a pearl abandoned in disgrace
One day, my childlike innocence was shattered in its core
Abyss of suffering and darkness ready to explore
…
By grace, the pearl is found again – my soul in peace will soar
Author notes
my first villanelle about a traumatizing experience at age 20 -
I don't feel like a victim, because I know that my soul had asked to go through this darkness for a reason ... souls agree to experience certain challenges before they incarnate in a body ... I certainly had a lesson to learn ... maybe it was about surrender, compassion, forgiveness, humility ... I had the option of sowing the seeds of hatred and anger in my heart ... but I chose to grow the fruit of peace instead ... I know I made the right choice ...
image by jim warren
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Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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It is only by the grace we offer to others and ourselves that we overcome. I really found the author's notes interesting. Now I have a new perspective to view some childhood traumas through...
Thank-you as always for your wisdom and beautiful words of great meaning. Blue
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I love your ending too, that is the one place that really had power- that inspires.
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Villanelle's have always been a challenge for me to write, so good for you for getting this down and working it out.
I'm sorry about the experience. It is good that you have found positive out of such a tragic situation. Good for you.
As for what this is, it was good, but um- it was a bit long and slow to me. Maybe it was the way I was reading it, but the lines were a bit long, I felt some things were repeated too much [but i understand that is what the form requires]
For this kind of poem, and looking at what you said in it- I think this wasn't the right form for it. Maybe not even any form at all. Even if you just do regular ABAB or AABB kind of rhyme forms, you can still amaze me.
This could have had a punch in the gut kind of power, but it didn't.
Still, for what this is, it was very strong, passionate, and profound. -
This is an amazing villanelle. I can never write forms like this without it sounding forced, so I commend you on a job well done. Nicely written, profound emotion. Good luck.
Chelsea
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Nice job maa
I love villanelles, and you did great on this one, you get bunnies for this! And it was about something that really happened to you? You are opening up the core, and puking the evil out.
"By grace, the pearl is found again – my soul in peace will soar"
Yes, indeed you made the right choice.
Brazos
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Liked the form you have used here - never tried it myself, but works well in this situation. Tragic situation you write about , filled with emotion and vivid images.
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Excellent write, nice dark concept balances well with picture. Thank you for entering my contest....novy
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I don't buy the determinism, however, the overall concept is refreshing and inspiring. In the end, it is the responsibility of each and every one of us to take all of our experiences and turn them to our advantage. It seems you have done this. You have found more than just a pearl. You have found bliss. Three bunnies.
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Wow!
This is so beautifully expressed, my friend!
You have written your personal thoughts about your experience and what conclusions you made of it in such a deep and wonderful poem. Very good use of metaphors.
Harrisham Minhas
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Nice work
This is a dark Villanelle and nicely done. Such a tough form, and I think one of the toughest to master. You have done such a fine job here and that final line just adds an extra special touch. I liked this. ~Pam
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Amazing!
I'm completely blown away! This is among some of the poetry I would love to put in my first novel. I have a contest running for it, but I should add the option of overcoming abuse in there. This captures the exact nature of my novel in a nutshell, to a degree and I am impressed! Though I know that's not what you intended, you've managed to extract the very core, of the emotions behind the behavior of my main heroine in my book. My heroine is a real life historic woman, who once lived and existed. She went through much abuse in her lifetime, and managed to overcome the odds, with incredible results. She is my namesake, and I'm proud to call her as such.
I am stunned and at a loss for words! WoW! This is beyond descriptive words, to tell you how uncanny this captures certain moments and emotions. Good luck in the current contest it is in, and if you feel so obliged, feel free to check out my contest, and see what you think or could come up with.
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dark sadness
villanelle of sadness well crafted , full of images and dreams, emotions of darkness then a final victory over hate and abuse..
For years, my soul would not return to body bruised in war
A lonely shell without a pearl abandoned in disgrace
One day, my childlike innocence was shattered in its core
Abyss of suffering and darkness ready to explore
By grace, the pearl is found again – my soul in peace will soar
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Dear poet,you are one of the very few able to both write to form faultesly whilst not losing any emotion and enabling the reader to be enveloped by the words woven despite the form,that is incredibly skillful and to be applauded.The poem portrays just enough imagery to reveal what should never have occured to the child without being too graphic,that is an art,poetry may be thereapeutic but should not cause the reader to need therapy and you have the intrinsic balance within this dark write which obscured the light.Absolutely no suggestions to make,a brave write written with the balance of the inner child and the adult voice in harmony,I particularly liked the reference to karma,I fully believe that those that desecrate innocent children indeed stain their souls and whilst they walk uncloaked their hearts are blackened,going off at a tangent here slightly it is not the black skin that should cause consternation within society but those of black hearts and deeds,well done for expressing both the sorrow and the ability to soar above it,yes the mind has to disconnect from the body as a mode of self protection.God bless you and all survivors.
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Oooooo! I love the Villanelle and you do it such justice with this wonderful write. Your flow and verbiage are smooth and liquid and the image is dark and foreboding. Well done!
Love,
Amera ♥
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This is very moving, dear heart, that innocents suffer so much. Your reflection on karma is a valuable lesson to all victims. Your first villanelle! Well done!
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is this your FIRST villanelle???
is yes then good job at the first time 
and dont take it as a flattery lol because am well aware of this villanelle subject and i know what would i say lol
ok coming back,
well a poetry is well read with short rhymes and perfect syllablles....yes long lines work too but in villanelles, there is already repitition of two lines ..so if the poetic lines are too long it mite take away readers' interest
check there
One day, my childlike innocence was shattered in its core
When friendly soul drank anger’s venom with unmoving face
Abyss of suffering and darkness ready to explore
uhmmm can we avoid that comma in first sentence?
is second line continued with the first one? is yes, then "W" need not be in capital
I am not sure whether war rhymes with sore-explore
herez a help while looking for rhymes especially for villanelles and terzanelles have a look here
www.rhyme.poetry.com
well overall the emotions are too good with the specific metaphors you have used here just need to take care of long sentences and MOST important punctuations because i cant see any here. without proper punctuations, a person who knows nothing about form poetry would kill the piece while reading it
and knwo wat even i had bookmarked this contest to enter so tough competition hun 
keep going didi
kits 8)
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