This is the end
where I kill all my friends.
It doesn't matter anymore,
I'm bleeding on the floor.
You all stood me up at bay,
I'll make you all pay.
You fucked up my life,
so I'll put you in a strife.
You put me in tear-jerking pain,
until I went completely insane.
Oh the tears I cried,
they have never dried.
Alone, I won't descend;
I'm going down with my "friends".
'Cause this is the end, motherfuckers.
This is the end.
<3
Author notes
True stories are amazing inspirations.
Option #8
Jill died in this one. Jill didn't have fun. Jill Threw another rock. YAY for jill!
A contest entry
- Give Me Dark With These Quotes by xxRainbowDawnxx.
325 points, ended June 11, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The End by Lj-.
300 points, ended June 20, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 20 insane options..... by AutumnsFlame.
850 points, ended July 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by My Darkness.
450 points, ended July 8, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Help me improve! :)
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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hmmm.. the profanity at the end is really powerful, however i am not one who pities those who blame others for their problems.. life is shitty, and then you die.. you have to make the best of it, believe me, i've felt this before, and it takes a lot of growing up to realize that maybe it's just you... thanks for entering and good luck to you!
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Okay, some of the rhyme was a little forced... and well... in my opinion it was somewhat cliche, and lacked imagery... keep working on it though.... you have potensical... thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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okay
thanks. i'll work on it a bit later. i'll try to extend it to include more details...
now that i look over it, i see what you mean.
thanks again for helping =]
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Deep!!! Congrat on bronze!
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lol, well, this is a powerful piece. I like it.
Thank you for entering,
Best of luck. -
Backstabbers...something we'll always have to deal with I guess. I'm not very good at commenting on rhyming poems, since they're not something I'm fond of, so I'm afriad I won't be much help on this one. However, if you ever write a poem that you want advice on, just ask. I'm honest, and I don't mind helping out.
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I like the way the rhyme scheme changed at the end, with the last being the end of course. I can understand your bitterness, sometimes friends can be so fake and betraying, when we thought they were different from the others. It's true that quote that William Blake says though, it really is, as we expect it off our enemies but not off our friends, and the pain lasts longer. At least you can write about this as that tends to make you feel better and your poetry better if you understand the topic at hand. Hope you recover from this pain soon.
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beautiful. loved it. ~ saddened.
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Alone, I won't descend;
I'm going down with my "friends".
'Cause this is the end, motherfuckers.
This is the end.
loved that part, im glad when you go down, your not alone, but its sad, cause who will bring you back up? good poem and good luck in the contest -
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Thanks
Yeah...it's sort of a sad poem about some backstabbing friends I've had. Well...that's most of my friends. They all have stabbed me so hard, I don't really have any real friends anymore. I don't know who my real friends are...if I have any...
I don't trust anyone. These people have ruined my life. They've once turned me into an emo girl and just made things worse. I took them down with me in a.....special way
But I'm okay with just myself in the world for now.
Thanks for reading my poem!
<3
Prital
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