Too late to remember when
The last time I saw your face
Behind the curtains, staring back at me
Too bland to want to move on
To find you in my heart again without a reason
No reasons to be inside of this conscious mind
No truth to see beyond my life, inside this heart
Cold as stone, because of you
Dry as the desert sand the sun beats upon
Lost in thoughts of pain and suffering
I cant remember when I fought you away
But I can remember losing the battle
After many nights that I ran
Escaped your obsessed grasp
Too late to remember when
The last time I saw your face
Behind the curtains, staring back at me
A contest entry
- No Title: Just Come Have a Look by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended July 5, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Pic Inspired by Tattboyspet.
800 points, ended October 11, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Freewrite opinion?
Comments
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I'm assuming this pertained to the pic where the eye was peeping out ...
thank you for your entry
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this is very beautifully and deep indeed
i love the imagery
very good write
-suicidal revenge-
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a very deep and profound write
the reason i found this write to be deep and profound, is that your passion and use of imagery ran deep like the oceans binding the shores. i also liked the pattern that you have created here. this is a great write and i do hope to read and comment on more of your work in the future. thanks for commenting on my work as well... -
Minor spelling issues:
Obssessed should be obsessed.
Faught should be fought.
I like the repetition you used in this poem to wrap it up at the end, it gave a nice air of finality that fit well with the poem.
You've got hardly any punctuation in this, and as a result absolutely no rhythm to keep the reader going through the piece.
The line 'You are behind me now' seems to contradict the rest of the poem, since the poem is about this person this being there to haunt the speaker.
Thank you for entering.
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