Deep in the ancient woods, far from the noisy crowd,
lived a man named Dale who was stubborn and proud.
Each new day he would repeat his same old routine,
chop a tree, strip bark until it was bare and clean.
With the start of a new day beginning like all the rest,
Dale searched the forest for a tree that was the best.
Much too thin, much too old, much too rotten to the core,
Dale's daily search was much more than a routine chore.
With hours that had passed and the sun almost setting,
Dale's search for the perfect tree was just about ending.
But, upon one final glance at a creek that was shimmering,
stood a tree of perfection that had Dale almost whimpering.
Could this be true, had he found what he'd lost?
The years of work, perseverance and utter exhaust.
For Dale had not been all alone by his own choice,
but for many a year was spent in finding his Joyce.
It had been many many years ago on a hot June night,
when Dale crossed paths of one called Pheeny McBright.
Each night he would dream of that first perfect tree,
one which would cause Pheeny to call out his decree.
You see it happened in a moment, in a blink of an eye,
when Dale took his trusty axe and raised it to the sky.
This first perfect tree he would have all for his own,
as his axe split an opening in Pheeny McBrights home.
For what Dale hadn't known would be his life's lament,
one swing of his axe, did kill Pheeny's dearest Lynette.
With an anguished scream that echoed through the forest,
Pheeny appeared before Dale with this rage of a chorus;
Picture yourself now at this very moment in time,
for today will be a day forever echoing your crime.
My life you've changed with the stroke of your axe,
but your life I now curse to repeat this careless act.
This day forward you will search and search in vain,
as each moment in your life will be filled with pain.
It is your wife that is doomed by your fateful choice,
a tree shall be an eternal home of your precious Joyce.
From that moment, Dale searched each and every day,
as his sanity would be tested in every conceivable way.
Cursing each tree for the hopelessness it had brought,
and crying each night as Joyce circled his thoughts.
Another day had started, like so many had before,
grabbing his coat and axe, he heading out his door.
Walking for hours to find a place not yet searched,
Dale came across a glowing tree in untouched earth.
Could his search have ended with this perfect tree?
As he now raised his axe in hopes of setting her free.
With a frenzy of chopping, it came down with a roar,
as he peeled back bark in desperate search of a door.
But Dale found something he didn't quite expect,
the green scarf Joyce last wore around her neck.
Was this a cruel joke or a message of some kind,
did it mean he was close, was he losing his mind?
As he hung his head and again headed home for the day,
a shout from every tree in the forest held him at bay.
It was a voice all too familiar from so many years ago,
one that had cursed his sweet Joyce, trapping her soul.
If nothing you are very persistent; man with his trusty axe,
has time not worn you down, does your soul not long to relax?
I have been watching you carefully through all these years,
and have counted the many many tears for your wife so dear.
I am not totally without mercy for a heart that is so true,
so I'll give you this one choice that will be all up to you.
Declare with your wife's scarf and hold it up to the sky,
and change places with your Joyce, if your love is no lie.
The choice for Dale was now as clear as it could possibly be,
would his love for Joyce, be great enough to set her free?
Would taking her place cause him the same amount of grief,
never reuniting with his Joyce, never ever finding relief?
Well, now I'll tell you my friends what I know to be true,
that in the forest if you listen you can hear something new.
Is it Dale that has been driven mad by the choice he made,
or is it Pheeny McBright whistling for a debt finally paid?
A contest entry
- this is what you wanted. by Rock-Junkie.
800 points, ended November 21, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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Great, now I'll be up all night trying to figure out which choice Dale made. Thanks for the entry, this is very good.
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You see it happened in a moment, in a blink of an eye,
when Dale took his trusty axe and raised it to the sky.
Those lines were lovely.
It started out very strong, but towards the end, I felt a little lost and confused and it seemed to drag on. Great story and some of the lines were genius.
Thanks for entering.
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Oooh I enjoyed this, the rhythm never had a fault. good luck
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I remember reading this piece the rhyme is flawless, this flows well and has a sing songy feeling to it. this tale kept my attention the whole way and it left me wondering at the end
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Interesting ending, I can see why all these poets loved it!
Though, I do think it would be easier to put your thoughts into story form?
Thank you for entering.
Sophie.
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wow, i was not expecting that ending
good luck!
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Captivating
I truly enjoyed this rhyming tale and especially liked the ending. It is a captivating story and fun to read and ponder. A very creative pen wrote this tale!
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very awesome poem, you def on my finalist list
sorry about the short comment i just didnt know what to say
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Very good...appreciate allowing the reader to determine what choice was made. Reminded of "The Apple Golem"
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i liked the flow of this poem and the storyline. i thought that the emotion and wording was awesome!
thanks for entering
~IAR
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I love the thought. I think it's brilliant. Nice word choice.
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A very interesting tale ^^ The imagery and wording is nice, but the flow is a tad off. Overall a great piece ^^
Keep Quilling,
Whiskey
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What an interesting tale!!
I was so intensely captivated by this piece that when my phone rang i screamed and forgot where I was for a minute! HAHA!
Very well written, very intriguing, and just such a creative story/poem!!!
Thank you so much for sharing!
Best of luck to you in the contest!!!
--DAMSELx -
Lengthy, but I was so caught up in the poem that I didn't realize it!
I love the story you told here, and you did it all with a great beat and rhyme. What talent. You did a great job with this. 
So much effort, and it was very effective to the reader.
Thanks for sharing & entering my contest A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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This is pretty good. You did a wonderful job writing this. congrats on your bronze and gold trophys and the honorable mention. Best of luck in my contest! keep up your amazing work!
Crimson -
This is an amazing poem... I like the way you have created the story with such effortless rhythm and rhyme... thank you for sharing this and good luck...
Keep writing
Polly -
Good rhyme and flow. and I also like how, when you changed the speakers, you changed the verse length.
GOod write, Bravo and good luck -
wonderful write lovely rhyme and great flow. i really liked this write. well done and thanks for entering! xx
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It's a wonderful write, full of sinister movements and good plot line, but I think more in depths about the tree and joyce were perhaps needed, but its a otherwise wonderful write!
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enjoyable
Enjoyable story. The rhyme and flow were good. Congratulations on the gold.
I found the story creative. -
I thought the rhyming was a teensy bit forced, but it was certainly a chilling tale which more than made up for it.
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Seems like a story, but better. Great job.
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Excellent.
Exactly what I was looking for. Kudos to my fellow friend of epic write. I really enjoyed this one.
THanks for the entry, it was a pleasure.
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While the rhyme scheme throughout this poetic narrative is sometimes its near-undoing the fault to be found is within the "static" that occurs between the author's mind and the reader's ear. This is to say that this may sound perfectly straight to you, and a bit crooked to me, but that reality exists without considered error (on your part or mine). Whats more, this endearing and tragic tale of pervasive, hopeless love is worthwhile in its substance provided it be read by an audience with a capacity for imagination (no shortage here on AP, I would think). Consider, however, that this is requisite. In order to properly enjoy the text once must be willing to "fill in the blanks," the unanswered questions about a tree named Phenny, a man named Dale, and (for sure) a woman named Joyce. In a manner of speaking, this in an inevitable true; an author cannot set to scribe a complete tale that holds nothing back, least of all in this media. (This means take the comment with a grain of salt.) However, understanding your inspiration might do well to set our concerns aside.
Overall, I will echo prior critics' observations that this entry is strong in its cohesive nature, even considering my aforementioned comments. This tale is equal parts adorable and sinister.
Thank you for your entry,
~Das -
Wow, this is excellent. A truly well written, well flowing poem that tells an amazingly coherent story. Congratulations on a great write and Good Luck.
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great story
creates a character -
I’ve read this poem through several times for various reasons. Fantasy stories and poetry are my preference, especially when written in rhyme. I found the story content of this one quite a delight to read as this kind of tale with a twist and concluding moral has a unique fairy tale appeal, which in our modern age of harsh reality and cruelty, is pure escapism to a different world. Having said that, most fairy tales are extremely cruel in content as seen in Little Red Riding Hood, who is eaten by a wolf, but later she is released from the wolf’s stomach by the axe-man. If many so called fairly tales were made into TV programmes I’m convinced they wouldn’t be allowed to be aired during children’s viewing times, certainly not here in the UK.
Looking at the structure of the poem, I think the rhyme is a little forced in some places, particularly stanza two, seven and twelve, and I also found “exhaust” in stanza four to be out of keeping with the sentence. I read this poem through several times to get a feel for the flow and what I found is that it contains several variations although it’s not that noticeable because of the length of the piece. For example the first stanza has a different flow to stanza ten, and the two dialogue stanzas, eight and thirteen, are different again, though I quite like those two being a little different from the rest. I think the author’s choice of conventional language aids this work as it prevents the length being burdensome as well as allowing good images to be created quickly in the reader’s imagination. I think that’s fairly important in a story poem such as this.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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Great style, I love the way you have incorporated the story-line poetry. Really interesting metaphor useage, I really enjoyed that part also.
I am a huge fan of rhyming poetry, however I feel it has to be done perfectly to be effective, and I dont feel the rhyming in this poem met my standard. It seemed at certain stages you were rhyming just for the sake of rhyming, and some of the words didn't seem to fit so well. The poem had overall good rhythm, but there were a few random stanzas that did'nt quite fit.
For example: -
"With hours that had passed and the sun almost setting,
Dale's search for the perfect tree was just about ending.
But, upon one final glance at a creek that was shimmering,
stood a tree of perfection that had Dale almost whimpering."
The setting/ending and shimmering/whimpering just didnt seem to fit quite so well.
I feel if you were to re-structure and change this poem around it could be an absoulte masterpice.
In saying all this, I sincerely enjoyed your poem more than many others entere dinto my contest and love your individual style.
Good luck!
Much love and respect.
Trento -
I've always liked stories that have an ending like that, where you don't know exactly what happened.
Great write!
Thanks for entering,
-Dlvvanzor -
This is a story with in a story which has a moral at the ending.I can see and age old story teller telling this story around a camp fire. I guess we should take better care of our trees then just chopping the down. A story in a story is not an easy tale to write. It takes a great degree of insight to think it out. The introductions pulls the reader into the tangle web of the story. Offers a twist at the end. Which delight a reader mind. I personally like the twisted ending.The age old love theme that can never be for one trapped in a tree.Do to a mistake. I think it trend sends into modern times. How often is love messed up by a mistake which is the tree. You hurt the person far too much. They leave the person they love.Now they are a tree. Sometimes words leave a scar that can not be heal. I think it a lesson in how love needs to be treated. Great imagery and content. I truly wish you the best.
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wow. this is an excellent poem. great imagery, and i love how it was both a story and a poem. thanks so much for entering!
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I am reading a story or poem? I think both, I love the image floating in my mind as i read this. What a good and enjoyable story you have.
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Wow, I'm really impressed. This is such a tragic poem, but enthralling and creative. This write has an amazing plot and a structure and rhyme scheme that fits so well. I could imagine each chop of the ax with each stanza. Absolutely amazing.
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WONDERFUL!!!!!!
that was really nicely done!!!!!!!!!!!
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I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was very intresting and the imagery was great. Congrats on the gold trophy for the contest. it definatly deserved it
much love and best wishes to you! 
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Great rhythm and rhyme in these lines - easy to read and understand; liked the tale you told through the words written here. Seemed like this could just go on forever - great flow as well.
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Wow. Great story! I love how you just left the ending there. Nice job! I've never read anything quite like this before! Thanks for sharing with all of All Poetry!
-Ashley =]
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Wow this was a really great story. I really enjoyed reading it for I like fantasy with nature poems about pixies, sprites anfd other woodland spirits.
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As I had said before, an amazing write. I believe this is one of your best works, no word of a lie. A tale of tragedy, love, payment; the classic ingredients for an epic tale. Thanks again for sharing! You are a true literary genius.
TwT
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wow- this is an amazing write!! I was intrigued from beginning to end- waiting to find out what will happen next. i really felt the emotions that you put into this poem. great job, good luck in my contest and thanks for entering
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A unique peice with a great flow this was awesome indeed. Kept me on edge wanting to know the decision made. This was indeed, a great story with a "twist" of an end, for we hover, awaiting the decision......or do we?? Thaks for sharing best wishes.
Tory
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this write surely makes me want more, WOW, i wish i knew the answer to the question that was posed to him, but then again if i knew the answer the poem wouldn't have that suspence feeling. Good Luck, and good write.
Thanks -
I really liked the way the form (line arrangements) changed through out the poem, especially since they helped seperate the different 'scenes' on the poem. This is very interesing and neat tale. I'll have to read it a few times more though, to totally get the mood of it.
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I like this, nice job. The forest is always a very vague and interesting subject. It's mysterious and can be interpreted in several different ways. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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This is great! It's literally an interesting, rhyming story. For this particular piece I wouldn't change anything, no typos, nothing's wrong. I hope you continue to write like this and it brings you joy! good job,
-autumngirl
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OMG what a cliff hanger! I wish you would have finished it!!!
God Bless!
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You Have Talent
Very good job. Nice imagery, a good solid beginning, middle, and end, as well as captivating. I was interested from the beginning until the end. Can't find anything wrong with this one either.
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Fantastic, This is poetry as it used to be. The work that you must of done to complete this write has to be appreciated. Great write, great story.
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this is so creative and unique! I'm so amazed at the imagery. I can actualy picture the story. Great work!
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Wow.. this is brilliant. I truely loved the story. the imagery is so vivid and keeps the reader glued to itself till the end as it enfolds. I'm glad I clicked on it.
good luck in the contest.
thanks for sharing.
good wishes
-Neha
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I love it! It is so brightly imaginative! It's like an old wise tale with a moral saying "Be careful what you cut down!" Great Job!
Thank you for your entry!
~Phoenix
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Excellent
This is beautiful and insightful. I think you have such talent my friend. I love the way you have with words. You paint such a message. Keep penning I will be by to read more.
In Christ,
Tabitha
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Oh my stars!!! Was this a freaking wonderfully amazing story or what? I want you to write more. oodles more, tons more, thousands more! I had such fun reading this. The sound you hear is of Maiden frantically refreshing your page, looking for a new story to read every day for eternity, LOL. I notice the person below me making reference to your other stories. I'll have to go and read them. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!! I LOVED IT!
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My money is on Pheeny!
Now, I am the one being driven mad! How does it end? I am going to have to read another story or I will be turning this over in my sleep all night.
A great story you have penned here FAH. Not the first time either I have enjoyed one of your stories.
Weird is a good category as well as the others. People living in trees,a woman doomed to live in a tree, a scarf inside a tree...! You could earn a good living writing for the Twilight Zone!
Enjoyed your work here. Good thing I do not have your phone number though or I would be phoning in the middle of the night if I find this tale running through my dreams! Jadon
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Excellent writing. Perfect rhyme and rythmn . Loved the story..could even be added to. You held me to the end.. Interesting. Good job ! Blessings. Debby
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great job! i love how you were able to keep the rhythm the whole time! its hard to do that with long poems, but you did a great job!!
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I like it. It has a lesson to be learned of love
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"Picture yourself at this very moment in time,
for today will be a day forever echoing your crime.
My life you've changed with the stroke of your axe,
but your life I curse to repeat this careless act.
From this day forward you will search in vain,
as each moment in your life will be filled with pain.
It is your wife that is doomed by your fateful choice,
a tree shall be the eternal home of your precious Joyce"
"If nothing you are very persistent; man with his trusty axe,
has time not worn you down, does your soul not long to relax?
I have been watching you carefully through these years,
and have counted the many tears for your wife so dear.
I am not totally without mercy for a heart that is true,
so I'll give you this choice that will be all up to you.
Declare with your wife's scarf and hold it up to the sky,
and change places with your Joyce, if your love is no lie"
such different mediums;; yet they work so perfectly.
bravo poet, bravo
keep your pen well inked && your paprer well stocked.
xoxo
-alice
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Think you have the beginning of an epic here - just need to continue this story for a buit longer. LOL Good rhythm and rhyme, flow and tale you weave in these many verses.
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Very interesting. It has a Tempus Faustus type feel to it and I love the story line. I know it was not easy keeping the theme and the rhyme through out the poem. Mad Props for that!
I am a sucker for a happy ending so I was a little saddened by the choice that Dale was left with. That being said, it was wise of you to leave the ending open and your reader wanting more.
Nicely done.
John
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