We strive not to use words that could ever offend,
so learn evil as "needful," call overlord "friend."
Definitions unravel and lexicons bend
and we call it a trend.
Every logical thought is a sin, so repent!
Saccharine subterfuge is public sacrament
and we stare only forward and nod our assent
if it wins us a cent.
We lose minds in celebrities, bloodsports, campaigns,
assail ears with catchphrases and nonsense refrains
and assure one another, "It just entertains,"
as we eat our own brains.
The funereal nuptials of progress resume,
and the bride is Addiction; Sensation the groom.
Suddenly "live and love" becomes "fuck and consume."
And consume. And consume...
Author notes
This is the first poem I've recorded on video.
In a list
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Culture: Religion, Society and Politics by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 84 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive critique always welcome
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I do have to agree ... You are very gorgeous ... This was an amazing piece ... and you put so much emotion and power behind your words ... with your voice .. It's a brilliant piece ... I will not lie ... So thank you ... sweet darling ... for the wonderful chance to read your wonderful piece ... and to see your wonderful face ... as you read those wonderful words ... Much love to ya hon ... Sparkeh
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Amazing and OMG you are gorgeous lol. You added so much emotion to an already powerful poem with your voice and facial expressions, brilliantly done.
Bravo
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Excellant
Well done with good stage prescence. -
holy.. WOW.
this almost made me embarrassed- I don't know why. just so much life was added hearing you read this yourself...
the message was delivered so creatively. I think you need to record more of your poetry NOW.
it takes the right voice/facial expressions to be able to do that. and you have it.
wonderful write.
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:)
This is absolutely astonishing!! I love the images that were bound tightly in a beautiful frame. They spoke to my body, mind, and soul....
I also love how the poem was pieced together. My eyes joyfully sensitized each and every word as I read it....
I am a very empathetic person, so each poem that I read, I can feel. I felt absolute accomplishment of taking my time to read this poem...
Great Job!!
Cith...
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This is really an excellent poem! You took what could have gone over as whiny and cliche and made it original and interesting. I'm not sure I'm in love with the first line though. It sort of opens a very good the poem with a line that's doesn't seem up to par with the rest of it...
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this is the closest i've seen to slam poetry out of the lot of poets on ap--and it's great.
you know who yo remind me of?
Todd Alcott ("Television") and Terry Jacobs ("Edgar Allan Poe was in His Car").
you should listen or read those.
god. your poem really reminds me of Alcott's "Television," as far as theme.
Your poem was extremely well done, both read aloud and written.
Cheers,
Alysha
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*clears throat*
wow. this is not a piece i would normally enjoy, but seeing your facial expressions and hearing the tone in your voice as you read it, adds a lot of impact to it. a lot of drama. its pretty cool
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Wow! Hearing it read really gives it impact. You've painted a bold picture of the decay that society lives and revels in. The last stanza is outstanding. I love its imagery and the way it just rolls from the tongue, "The funereal nuptials of progress resume, and the bride is Addiction; Sensation the groom. Suddenly 'live and love' becomes 'fuck and consume.' And consume, and consume...." Powerful and heady stuff.
jill
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i have just one word for his
FANTASTIC
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AMAZING! As well as the way you read it being just great, the write itself is really good!!! Loved it..
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You read this very well.
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Very Profound!!!
This piece is most deserving of the golden chalice... Congratulatons!!! Peace, Cyn
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OMG! lol i love this soooo much! you remind me of Mark off of RENT and that is my all time favorite musical! you did wondefuly! lol
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Powerful write! I wish everyone on this site could read this poem. Life has become about "sensation" for so many of us, at such a great cost. We feel we are entitled. Life is one big amusement park.
Guess what? It isn't.
Congrats on your well deserved gold!
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Congrats on the Gold! This is a very powerful and emotional write and so true of life. Very gifted you are, love the rhythm and rhyme of this piece....Good luck in the finals
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Brings an important message across in a strong & passionate voice. The ending line lingers and resounds with impact. I absolutely can see why this won gold...congrats and I hope you never stop sharing your thoughts in writing. Blue
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I've been waiting to come across an entry by you that I felt strongly enough about to make sure I promoted into the Raven Final. It took some time, but you just earned your seat: this piece is perfect.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
Excellant/intriguing/challenging
Aye, a very fine write indeed, with which, I am in sympathy. Excellant imagery. -
i like this says alot about life...
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This write is created for an impact. The ending image of a funeral with the word progress is very fitting for our society at times. I like the bride of addiction. sensation as the groom. The ending hits home to the images you use all though your poem. The four letter word does fit in. How many of us say it or at least admit to saying it when we are mad. It a word that comes out of my mouth in anger. Even if I wish it were not. Sometime in the fire that when the best ideas come forth. I like how you twist words and images to get across to us what you are feeling. This is a gifted write.
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Haha! I love this. It was consistent with the rhyme, flow, and syllables and you did just about everything else right.
As for the emotion, I like how you used 'fuck' some find it offensive, but I think it added to the poem, and made it more realistic. [Probably because when I'm pissed off I say every word in the book] lol
This had a different edge to it than the other poems I've read [so far, those other poems being those of the freeversers] (this is the first rhymers poem i read) um.. where was i? crap. Oh yeah- yours was different because you didn't hold anything inside, you just threw it out there. (hence you using 'fuck') also, with the other surrounding parts of it which brought out your personality.
Keep doing what you are doing.
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Powerful. Very abstract and different. Nicely done.
Chelsea
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a very powerful message that invites the reader to reflect upon his or her own way of being ...
the monorhyme works perfectly here ...
a great and impressive entry here in this round ...
maa
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Well stated, hits home, especially that conclusion. Liked the rhyme scheme in these verses too.
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Excellant/imaginative/fun
I really rather like this one, and can relate. Better to consume at a discount store or a community thrift store. Amazing what quality of goods one can find at a low, low price. Well written indeed, my friend.
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Yup! You hit the nail rught on the head. I liked the stanza structure and the rhyme scheme. Daring to be different. I like that also.
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Nice rhyme scheme. This is Hard and HITS hard too. Excellent. I enjoyed this dark piece a great deal. ~Pam
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