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My Damn Rose

My Damn Rose

I deafen me against your call
I close my mind to thoughts of you
I dam your all but still your spell
will manage to seep through

I sew my eyes yet still your light
remains if only barely bright
I dust my tank yet from the air
your particles resettle there

I have no hope to cast aside
what was is and cannot hide
what is is too and what will be
each of the three is you to me

If I could purge the sky of air
and sea of wet with some great power
then every living thing would die

except
somehow

one flower.

 

Author notes





A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 99 of 211     1 2 3  next >  (show all)

  • Poetess12
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    Your poem is well written. I like the word use and at the end when you say "then every living thing would die
    except
    somehow
    one flower." These last lines were great.

    Thank you very much for your entry


  • eternalsol
    October 29
    Edit | Reply
    beautifly ritten thanx so much for entering my contest


  • Dryad Enya
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    'I deafen me against your call' I find this line doesn't make very much sense and rather throws the first stanza out of balance. However, without a doubt the second stanza packs a deadly punch. Powerful, a contrast to the rest of it it flows brillainantly, a stunning smoothness like silk weaving through it. Stunning.

    Best of luck
    Dryad Eny
    '


  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    Great write! Thanks for entering my contest and giving me the oppurtunity to read this, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest hun!


  • BrokenAtBest
    October 10
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering. I liked the ending and your rhyming, it made it unique.


  • nous. gold member
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    excellent, and you make it unique with the ending in my opinion. Very nice write, and the rhyme wasn't horrible, which thank gosh.

    Thank you for entering.


  • CentrifugalCorpse
    October 9
    Edit | Reply
    Wow; somebody is overly proud of their work. >_______>


  • katie marie silver member
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    A mega trophy winner already, with good reason. The pain of love, you have written it well. Thanks for entering that I might have the pleasure of this read.


  • FinalWhisper
    September 22

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    A good piece though the flow is a little iffy to me but the work itself is powerful enough to overlook this though it wouldn't hurt to look it over. I truly loved the ending.

    Thank you for this entry.

    Truly and Darkly,
    Dirk


  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    September 18
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautifully spoken entry, good luck in my contest, Josie

  • OhNoChastity
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    AAs much as I did love this poem, I have to say the interpretation of the prompt was a bit off. To me it seemed as though you writing to a prompt that said "Everything will die aside from what we love." Never-the-less, I did like the concept.

    The rhyming in this poem is very well done. It's soft, and I found I could continue reading without a distraction due to forced sounds. Also, you used a lot of metaphor in this poem. I loved that! Each line you wrote had a different story to tell.

    As far as suggestions, I only have a couple. In the third line you say "I dam your all but still your spell." I'm not sure if this was a misspelling of "damn" or if you meant the noun "dam" which does work in context with that sentence (and I actually like it.) Also, in the second stanza last line you say "your particles resettle there." The worse "there" isn't that concrete, and it comes off as lazy taking away from the rest of what appears to be a wonderfully polished poem.

    If you did mean "dam" as in the noun, I would have to say "I dam your all but still your spell will manage to seep through." is my favourite line. The metaphor shows a great image, and the comparison is creative, and well, suitable.

    Thank you so much for entering such a great poem, and please, continue writing


    • billpoet silver member
      September 15
      Edit | Reply

      I appreciate and respect your excellent comment and...

      I will enlighten you as you requested as to my thoughts during the construction of this poem:

      "I only have a couple. In the third line you say "I dam your all but still your spell." I'm not sure if this was a misspelling of "damn" or if you meant the noun "dam" which does work in context with that sentence (and I actually like it.)" - my dam is as in stopping a flow ah-la Hans Christian Anderson or the Hoover one, which is already obvious as the "Damn" in the title distinguishes that the author understands the difference in the phonic confusion of the word.

      Additionally you asked - "Also, in the second stanza last line you say "your particles resettle there." The word "there" isn't that concrete, and it comes off as lazy taking away from the rest of what appears to be a wonderfully polished poem". What I tried to amplify and theme throughout the poem was that My Damn Rose, which I desperately wanted to void of my being and my essence, was, is and will be - the past present future (as portrayed by my three is'es) in and by all of my my impossible attempts to to vanish every trace of, no matter how great my efforts, which is my answer and my "take" on and about your prompt you provided ("All things we love will die." -- "23" by Blonde Redhead) that I used to demonstrate in thinking the prompt is not applicable to me, though it is applicable to my poem.

      thank you again for you highly aappreciated and respected comments - billpoet

      I


  • chasitylee
    September 10
    Edit | Reply
    Ending was great. Summed it all up. Very nice.


  • PaintedParisPassion
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    If I could purge the sky of air
    and sea of wet with some great power
    then every living thing would die

    except
    somehow

    one flower.


    I loved the ending. Thanks for entering. Good luck.

    ♥

  • Adele Ellen Bakker
    August 25
    Edit | Reply
    The first stanza certainly speaks of limerence and the reader can feel your pain.

  • Dryad Enya
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    This is incredable, it is my favourite poem in the whole contest! There is not one error it is inpacable your gentle winding approch summed quickly with a stunning and glorys tale that seases to amaze me! I shalln't place you into the finalist list simply because of how many trophies this has won you...i hope you understand that it still left my breathless.

    Powerfull and seductive keep writting and i'll keep reading
    Gorecki


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    August 18
    Edit | Reply
    THis is a awsome poem. thanks for entering best of luck!!!


  • EMOverlord
    August 17
    Edit | Reply
    Very good entry, I love the metaphores, thank you for entering this in my contest


  • Sweet-Sins
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    this is brilliant!!
    welldone!
    x

  • goodwriter
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    OMG that was such and awesome poem. You I know for sure will be moving on in this contest. Becuase of the fact you have a great sense of poetry. I just liked the fact how you had a little rhyming in there. Great Jobs I give you a two thumbs up.


  • ILuvsMeKitties
    July 27
    Edit | Reply
    that is beautiful


  • Antebellum
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the rhyme you have going on here.

    'I have no hope to cast aside
    what was is and cannot hide
    what is is too and what will be
    each of the three is you to me'

    I like this stanza, a lot.
    thanks so much for entering.


  • Cyanide Dreams
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. I liked the way you ended this. Your imagery plasy nicely and I liked how you rhymed easily. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • Heva Feva
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    "I have no hope to cast aside
    what was is and cannot hide
    what is is too and what will be
    each of the three is you to me"

    These are my favourite lines! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
    -heva ♫


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm you have entered this in quite a few contests and I see it has won in many of them. It is a well written pice and I really like it You did a good job on it

    Thank you for sharing

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! this was beautiful! Congrats on the trophies. It's an amazing piece!! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!


  • nobodys-girl
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this is just amazing! i seriously loved reading it! thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • KatherineAnne
    June 26
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece. I know I didn't specify in the rules that if you've won you shouldn't enter, but since you've won so many trophies, I'm not going to judge this. I'm sorry. It's a really great write, but I'd like to give other people a chance.
    Thank you for entering.

    -Kati


  • black hearted rebel
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!Awesome write!


  • Fallen-Muse
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    better

    Very beautiful no wonder that you have won about a thousand trophies with this one poem... lol. Thank you so very much for your entry and good luck.


  • rainbows. gold member
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks For Entering!

    This is a very well written poem. =) I like how it actually goes along with the prompt without being too obvious. Good luck!


  • xPink-Lotusx
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is very interesting. I really liked this. The flow was good. The rhyme was also good. Thank you for entering this piece into my contest. It will certainly be a little harder to judge.

    If I could purge the sky of air
    and sea of wet with some great power
    then every living thing would die

    except
    somehow

    one flower

    Those are my favorite lines. Well done. Thanks again for the entry.


  • xxuglyducklingxx
    June 15
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting.

    Good write. Keep writing


  • Brooke Arabie
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    this poem just flowed so smoothly and a wonderful write good luck


    -brookelee


  • Fallen-Thumper
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    If I could purge the sky of air
    and sea of wet with some great power
    then every living thing would die

    except
    somehow

    one flower.

    ----this bit is the best part to me.
    i loved it...amazing


  • Enrinye
    June 2

    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    very poetic, it flows with its wondeful rhyming and imaginary touch...yet it is emotionally melancholic and very touching...

    ''...I dam your all but still your spell
    will manage to seep through...''
    -this just caught my heart

    great job
    take care,
    Suza


  • loche
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    Memories are one thing that will never leave... I can relate to this wonderful work.


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    very interesting poem. well written. thanks for entering and following contest rules. =]


  • BlankCanvas500
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    awesome!! do i need to say any more lol. i agree with draig aine lol lots and lots of shiny things lol


  • Draig aine gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply

    well

    I think everything that can be said, has been , as reflected by the array of shiny thingys , love the write well done my friend


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply

    Peer Pressure :)

    This is beautiful; I really loved the last line
    Best of luck in the contest!!

    Maria


  • Mariana gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    Ah the rose, the subject of many wonderful poems. My middle name is Rose, my Mother's name is Rosemarie. It have even more meaning to me because of this.

    Mariana  


  • LadyLavender gold member
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    An interesting take on prompt. A good write!

  • Mercury Rising
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    Holy smokes, has this poem ever scooped up the virtual hardware. This is a terrific poem and it was a pleasure to read. Best of luck in my contest.

  • xVamPirexMusiCx
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry, this is not the kinda dirty pretty i asked for. and the first thing I noticed was Wow! Lotsa contest entries. It is a lovley write though!

  • Cyanide Dreams
    May 6
    Edit | Reply

    86

    Title: 9/10
    Originality: 9/10
    Emotion: 8/10
    Grammar/Spelling: 8/10
    Flow/Structure: 8/10
    Imagery: 8/10
    Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 8/10
    Reaction: 9/10
    Rules: 10/10
    Overall: 9/10
    Totaling: 86/100

    Very powerful write. However, I felt this was full with "fillers" and not enough metaphors. I felt my attention wandering in this. I do like the emotions in this piece and I was blown away by the last line. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • Reaper-117
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    This is a powerful poem, its rhyming and flow superb. If this contest was about style and rhetoric alone you would win for sure, but as is the lack of following my rules and the sheer number of contests this has been spammed to are likely going to drag you into Honorable Mentions, at best.
    Thanks for entering


  • emoempess
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    "except
    somehow
    one flower"
    love this part


  • FleetingImage
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    awww such a beautiful poem...i made me giggle to myself. anyway this reminded me of a book i once read where pretty much the world was destroyed and a girl gave up her life to save it but in the end she ended up being saved by her love by being put into the body of a flower child...uh anyway love the poem...GL


  • Beautiful Sin-
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Great write! Keep it up!


  • Ami
    April 15
    Edit | Reply

    My Favorite lines were...

    "I deafen me against your call
    I close my mind to thoughts of you
    I dam your all but still your spell
    will manage to seep through"
    The beginning was Amazing and I
    also like the 3rd stanza A Lot
    "I have no hope to cast aside
    what was is and cannot hide
    what is is too and what will be
    each of the three is you to me"
    Great Write and
    Thank You for entering my contest
    Good Luck
    -♥Amanda♥


  • Fire-Fly
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    Very lovely poem - reads beautifully, you've put your words together in a very clever way.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • Lorien
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem!
    It is so true.
    This is my favorite part
    "I dam your all but still your spell
    will manage to seep through"


  • HereComesTheSun
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    once again the trophy case speaks for me
    thanks for entering


  • Ami
    April 12
    Edit | Reply

    Sounds good =)

    Great Write and
    Thank You for entering
    Good Luck


  • Vintage Chiffon
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write!!! - and you didn't entirely have to put that tyler...being my ex...in there thanks...


  • liquidmindforever gold member
    April 5

    Edit | Reply

    Emtionally Poignant

    Dear Poet,
    Thank you for entering and submitting your poem MY DAMN ROSE to I SIT and I ROCK andd I WAIT, contest.
    I had to relook the volume of awards you've received for this work to believe what my eyes
    told me.
    The piece is filled with an eeriness, a surreal quality of being there yet outside of the moment.
    Did you notice this?
    At first I wasn't sure I cared for the way you used "still" but I found it alluring like a chant as well as "what was is what is is" the internal-externality of existence accepting itself.
    Different. A worthwhile read.
    Thank you for the entry.
    Best regards,
    LIQUID


  • Naughtygrlred
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    nice poem and thanks for entering


  • Nostalgic Moon
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    wow I don't have as many trophies all together as this one has alone. Which saddens me. The rhyming pattern seems random to me, but I digg it haha, whatever works works. & its a good poem, I like it
    thanks for entering


  • Emmyb gold member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    this poem has attracted a lot of attention and has won a lot and I can see why!
    A descriptive and interesting read.

    well done

    thanks for entering

    Emmyb

  • xVamPirexMusiCx
    March 9
    Edit | Reply
    "One Flower" Perfect.


  • JulietteArielle
    March 6
    Edit | Reply
    interesting piece. thank you for entering.


  • LoveNeverDies.
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    thankyou for entering LoveNeverDies.

    I am having a hard time judging,
    Truely you are another talented poet,
    and I was delighted to read your poetry.

    It had a lot of depth, imagination and sentiment within this peace.

    I wish you all the goodluck

    (:


  • fairytalelovestory
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful take on the prompt. good luck


  • Condemd RyeZing
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    nicely written..... very pretty. thanks for entering.

  • poets whisper silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    nice job. the title drew me in and the rest just kept me there. It's short but says what it has to say. thank you for entering my contest.


  • HystericalHeart
    February 13
    Edit | Reply
    Tis interesting. It is preatty too. Very nice. Thank you for entering. ^-^


  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. I love it and it goes with either prompt. Thank you so much for entering the contest. Good Luck!!


  • Velvet Rose Petals
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully penned. You put another perspective to how you can see a flower. Very nice


  • Papers
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. Very meaningful and written in your own kind of style. Some of the words that were placed in here were a bit confusing, and I see that a few others have said the same. Nevertheless, it's a great write. Keep up the good work!


  • marmac
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the ideas behind this poem but had some problems:

    "I dam your all but still your spell" doesn't make sense to me. "Dam"? "Your all"? I don't get it.

    "I dust my tank yet from the air"? What does this mean?

    "I have no hope to cast aside
    what was is and cannot hide
    what is is too and what will be
    each of the three is you to me"

    I found the use of "was is" and "is is" distracting. I'm not sure this stanza makes sense, especially the last line. Sorry to have so much criticism, and thanks for your entry!


  • Shannon62875
    January 15
    Edit | Reply
    Great write!!! I can feel the pain!I know its very hard to forget someone you once loved... I dont think the feelings ever go away... KEep up the grea twork and good luck in my contest!

    Shannon*Leah


  • Megan Awesome
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. It's hard to forget someone. Especially someone you once loved. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
    Megan


  • Kathraina silver member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    oooooh great piece! works well with the prompt! wonderful job and good luck!

    ♥ Kathraina


  • breedluv gold member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful write, powerful and well written. I'm not sure how well it relates to this particular prompt- Oh S@%* moments, however.


  • FleetingImage
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    wow what a great poem. I can see why it's won all these trophies it was really great...good luck.

  • nobodys-girl
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    wow...this is amazing. the rhyme is perfect and the whole poem is perfect. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautifully expressed write, good luck in my contest and happy new year, Josie


  • sharptooth
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like some of the words you've chosen, especially the stanza about purging the air & the end line is pretty powerful. in the beginning the first line "i deafen me against your call" the deafen me part sounds a little awkward to read. but other than that i thought it was a nice write.
    thanks so much for entering
    hope you enjoyed participating
    & best of luck in the contest.


  • Ithica silver member
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes we are just that... powerless to our tormentors!!! You have written of this well!!! Thank-you for your entry, Ithica


  • Blue Rew silver member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic metaphor, very dark and focused.
    I can't help but notice how much seems to
    have gone into this piece. The thought flow
    seems effortless. Blue


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I have no hope to cast aside
    what was is and cannot hide
    what is is too and what will be
    each of the three is you to me"

    I Love the cleverness of this stanza. It has so much impact. Wonderfully written. You would not think this had been written for anything BUT this contest.

    Excellent. I enjoyed this wonderful rhyme so much and I am so very partial to good rhyme. A pleasure to read and enjoy. ~Pamela


  • bananasfoster42
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is awesome. certainly deserving of all those trophies! thanks for the entry!


  • Beauty Of Silence
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    deep.

    This is a very deep write, and the meaning behind your words are just pure and very lovely. Great write, liked the flow and the clever choice of words. keep penning, and thanks so much for the entry Congratz on all the trophies too

    All the best


  • 2lullabyhaven
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, hahaha that one, eh? thanks for your entry


  • Patience15
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

    If I could purge the sky of air
    and sea of wet with some great power
    then every living thing would die

    except
    somehow
    one flower.

    That was so brilliantly written. I loved the secret meaning behind it. Absolutely amazing really! Thank you so much for entering.

    Keep writing cause this was absolutely amazing and i enjoyed reading it.


  • Fallen-Phases
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a beautiful write i loved the deep meaning within it, it is simply amazing
    best of luck


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very beuautiful poem. and the rethorical question at the end makes this poem a real wonder. Thank you for your entry.


  • iamlost gold member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this, it made me think of beauty and the beast, but also had much deeper meanings. I love that last stanza, so amazingly put. This was definitely worth reading.
    Well penned,
    ~lost


  • cheyennea3436
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful poem. and obviously loved by many. i love the way it ends and my favorite part

    If I could purge the sky of air
    and sea of wet with some great power
    then every living thing would die


  • Hikari Lady
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, I loved this specially the ending and how it was so true and spoke to me with every line. I truely am spell bounded by it. Thanks for entering and best of luck!

    ~Noor

  • Shannon62875
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    This was a very good write... It was entered in so many contests also.. Keep up the great work and good luck in my contest!

    Shannon*Leah


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    GREAT POEM!!
    thanks for entering i have noticed you have won quite a bit a trophies for this piece and they are well deserved let me assure you!
    This was a very desireable piece to read
    Thanks for entering and good luck.
    -Mandi


  • xXtired-of-cryingXx
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW!!!!!

    THIS IS GREAT!!! I REALLY LOVED TIS THNX FOR ENTERING!!!!!!!!!! XXGOODLUCKXX


  • Missa
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great. congrats on all the trophies. good luck un the contest


  • Walls-within
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Emotional...beauthiful. Great job on this


  • ms-cuddles
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a pretty nice write, full of emotions that are well tuned. thanks for entering and good luck. Hugs~ Cuddles


  • Painted Nails
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great piece!! Thanks for entering and good luck!
    Sydney


  • Age of Rain
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Quite a few contest entries this one has. LOL! Congrats on the trophies. I like the end the best. Luck with collecting more trophies.

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