I confess
These burdens enormous
Cave upon shattered souls
Ocean waves
Are just open graves
Liquid rage overflows
Dare I pray
When each heartbeat delays
With aches of unbelief
Or tip-toe
Around all these sorrows
And soak in my own grief
Until death
Here I have nothing left
A temporary shell
So I wait
Drowning in my mistakes
Where death turns into hell
And flames consume my soul
Author notes
Task Here: Write Out Of My Element!
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Wow
lol
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wow, kinda lost for words here, good poem emotionally charged but in a different way than usual. always a pleasure
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short lines with very deep description of guilt, anger and pain. its a great job!
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WOW1 This is very deep and dark, very much out of your element for sure...yet you put so much meaning and depth into it, making it wonderful and something to ponder. Powerful words and imagery here, my friend.
Excellent work.
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Wonderful
What powerful poem you have penned. So visual and descriptive. A joy to read such a skillful creation.
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Our inner battles are the most important ones.
You bring alot into the open here and frame it in visuals that are readily identified with.
Fire is also cleansing, and the ultimate transformer.
This write doesn't necessarily have to be taken in
a religious tone. I find it effective & strong. Blue -
are you catholic? I have a reason for asking.
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Amazing write,executed perfectly,I really
enjoyed reading this one! to me this was a very
moving and deep piece....what a visual
you gave my mind with these two lines
Ocean waves
Are just open graves
I absolutely loved this! Excellent write!
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Painful
Very good write,seems life is full of pain and sorrow.
Hope yours subsides into peace and calm. I'm working on that very thing.
Seems diffacult to atain, as ther are many factors involved.
I think it best to be delusional, as reality can surely be a disapointment at times.
Sorry for the lack of comments, it's just not
something I do often, though I do read and enjoy your work, as you superseed many of those who have pened before you.
It seems to bring you release, and a form of sanity. In the words of your daling wife, everyone is crazy. they just don't know it yet. A great topic for your next work.
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Exceedingly Dark and Dismal
I can just feel the heated rage pouring out of this poem. the speaker seems to be just waiting for the end of life; embracing death.
I felt really drained by this poem. It is like all hope is gone. Very grasping.
well done!
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Oh my...
A moving and deep soul filled piece. You need no graphic to make this heart felt verse move the emotions.
These two stanzas:
"Dare I pray
When each heartbeat delays
With aches of unbelief
Or tip-toe
Around all these sorrows
And soak in my own grief"
Expression unmatched for the emotion they convey. These lines are brilliant and brought my hand to my chest just reading them. Beautifully done.
Truly, and excellent piece to be proud of.
~Pamela
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"ocean waves are just open graves" - I keep re-reading this line. It strikes into me and I'm not sure why, all I can say is it is a powerful fragment within a striking piece.
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awesome my dear one-it was outof the realms in every way. My favourite lines:
I confess
These burdens enormous
Cave upon shattered souls
Or tip-toe
Around all these sorrows
And soak in my own grief
knowing much of sorrow andburdons in the past few yrs it was easy to feel your thoughts within the write xxx
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IT always comes down to one thing, the truth shall set your free. Though, this is one heck of a way to say it. Secrets and lie, fester and gnaw, tearing bit by bit at the soul. Such a precious thing that already tends to be so vulnerable. This is wonderful!
Bella
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I'm in Awe
What a departure from your normal writes...
but you provide a vision and atmosphere that
took me beyond the hazy reality and fact-based
reactions. You brought me to a place where truths
are faced and still shoulders do not cave-in from
the weight. I absolutely loved this! Can I persuade
you to write more on this emotion???? Blue
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Amazing, I am not use to reading dark poems by you, but I must admit you did this justice...a wonderful write here full of emotion...Bravo Timothy
Cathy
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Wow
I really enjoyed reading this one too. Good job. So powerful. Reading your words is like reading something that was written by the Gods. I must say, though you've probably heard it a lot,: you have a tremendous talent.
My favorite verse was: Or tip-toe/Around all these sorrows/And soak in my own grief
Two typos: temorary [temporary]; Drownning [drowning]
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Well just blow me away
this is one different poem but I like it it flows with a touch of power...kind of like its this way are the highway
out standing my friend..winner for sure
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well it is definitely different from your normal write but I thought it was an awesome job and the pic seemed to just flow with it. Wonderful as always bro. luv, Trace
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For this being out of your element, no-one would know if you did not mention it , for it is executed perfectly. I hope that in reality everything is going great for you and that every day you have at least one reason to smileMuch love and best wishes in the contest,
reenie
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Amazing write....I believe you have given Lady of Avalon exactly what she ask for with this write..
Fantastic!!!!
Peace
~M~
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