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Deep Emotion

An emotion
    so deep and strong
    slices through my heart
It draws me to her
    a magnet
    hot with passion


A desire to always be near her
grows in my veins
whenever she talks in that scratchy singy voice of hers
is a shot of esctasy:
    exlpoding light
    unboundless happiness
    a want for it to last forever
    a careless high
She's flirty and funny
    kind and cool
    daring and deep
    smart and sociable
    adventurous and understanding
    crazy and caring

She's
    Just..
          Awesome.

                  I think I love her.








                                              [And it scares me.]

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • I-Am-Custard
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the shape of this, very refreshing after the boredom of the four lines per stanza I've been given in this contest.
    There were a few 'love poem buzz words' in there (words that turn up in all love poems and are thus boring) that I would seriously advise replacing. You have a whole language at your disposal and you're still sticking to the mundane section of it.
    You've got form down, you just need to trim your content a little.
    Thank you for entering.


  • DeepDarkDesire
    June 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    One of your best

    Full of emotion and the flow is so damned good! Unboundless does work because it has been used in the correct manner. I like this alot, it's something you'll come back to in a few years. You STILL haven't come online for me to show you something. When we spoke often you used to ask me about it! Good to see you writing such works


    • WickdlyUndrstanding
      June 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much.
      yes i have tried to come online, but it's never a time when you are too...
      and i still cant wait to see what it is =]
      ~WU


  • The Existentialist
    June 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awww. this was uber cute. shweeet!

    love and rainbow kisses,
    the existentialist


  • Buried in Black
    June 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well for one who is it. two check spelling for scRatchy and unboundless? boundless means no boundry so i dont think unboundless works. get rid of un? but otherwise don't mind t he first part of katies comment down there. it's fine because it starts out with "an emotion" which signifies that stanza shall be about that subject. great poem, nice feelign to it too

    • WickdlyUndrstanding
      June 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, though i like the way the un-boundless thing sounds, so idk what im gonna change that to.
      yeah and its about kayci if you hadn't guessed already.
      thanks again <3
      ~WU


  • reckless abandon
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hmm... this is good, but a lot of the wording is really hard to follow, not that it makes no sense, but like it has poor grammar at times.

    "An emotion
    so deep and strong
    slices through my heart"
    it might sound better as "it slices through my heart"

    "whenever she talks in that sctachy singy voice of hers
    is a shot of esctasy:"
    maybe try saying "it is a shot of ecstasy"

    And in the 9th line I think its supposed to be scratchy.

    good emotion though.

    -KP]

1 - 7 of 7