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Release

You can take my life if you say that I
You can have my heart if you say that I
You can keep my soul if you say that I
Can release myself with you every night

Walking in stiletto heels on a broken floor
Feeling nearly dead but wanting more
There he is the one I always need
Like the blood in my veins and air I breathe

Tattooed memories on bleeding skin
Not knowing which reality you’re dying in
This is the love that keeps me alive
But I need him here now or may not survive

You can take my life if you say that I
You can have my heart if you say that I
You can keep my soul if you say that I
Can release myself with you every night

Heaven kept at the bottom of a bottle
And sharing a kiss that can throttle
We are the lovers that with a look
And give back what the killers took

There’s no a soul in this life or the next
That will say that love isn’t complex
Make it simple and you’ll lose your heart
In a place where spirits care to depart

You can take my life if you say that I
You can have my heart if you say that I
You can keep my soul if you say that I
Can release myself with you every night

What release are you offering me
You know if I don’t like it I will not flee
But just don’t take advantage of
My tainted unconditional love

And as the masses come to lose
The bodies that have been abused
Self-mutilation is so hugely rife
That we need more than a single night

You can take my life if you say that I
You can have my heart if you say that I
You can keep my soul if you say that I
Can release myself with you every night

Author notes

FLUMMOX

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Turtledove
    October 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very very unique

    Thanks for entering. Walt.


  • Naridill
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A little too repetitive for me, but has very nice strong points. Shows great power within words and the flow captivates alot within the imagery.

    Much luck


  • Ninth-Poet
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A Stunning Masterpiece!

    Woosh ! This piece had the words and syllables creeping inside my brain and veins. I really felt the surging power of every word. This piece had a great flow and imagery.

    -Keep the ink flowing!
    -Good luck in the contest!
    -Sage of the east


  • dixiebme
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The write is complex. I guess you are talking about a vampire. Deep thinking! you can take my heart if you leave me my soul. Good luck in the contest.


  • SoftlyScreaming
    June 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    good

    i'd make it a little bit shorter with a little bit less detail, and maybe put it all together instead of in columns.. now i love the way you rhymed, and the rythm that it had.. it'd be nice if you spruced it up a bit.. otherwise it was good


  • reckless abandon
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    This is a beautiful piece you wrote. If I had an idea of a melody, I think I would have broken out in song while I was reading it. This is just, absolutly amazing.

    -KP]


  • PoetryDove
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my gosh this is soooo good! If this was an assignment in school, I'd give you an A!
    Okay, let me say that the chorus totally rocked.
    Believe it or not, I was singing it in my own melody as I read it I could never pen something like this!

    In stanza 6, the first line you say "There’s no a soul in this life or the next" Make sure to have your "no" as a "not" I think you just typed it wrong. Nothing bad though, just a mistake.

    This is terribly beautiful. It makes great sense!

    What release are you offering me
    You know if I don’t like it I will not flee
    But just don’t take advantage of
    My tainted unconditional love

    I absolutely love that part, it's so pretty.
    "But just don't take advantage of my tainted unconditional love" is a great two lines. It's like you love that person so much and you definately don't want them to take advantage of you ~ that's beautiful!!!

    I loved it, I really really did. "Release" is an awesome title for this piece. You did great, I loved it!!!

    Thank you for entering and good luck
    ~Poetrydove~


1 - 7 of 7