I feel your love surrounding me
burning with passion, setting free
these feeling which I can't deny.
Taking me to places unknown
Showing me things, not seen before;
lifting me up so very high.
Yet in an instant, I awake
Your righteous love, I did forsake;
leaving me here, empty and dry.
Author notes
Form - Nove Otto :
9 lines
8 syllables per line
rhyme scheme - aac-bbc-ddc
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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well done
I think you followed the rhyme scheme and form wonderfully. The message seems clear enough to me. I would add an "s" to the word "feeling" and then I think it's grand.
kudos to you kiddo,
Kj
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good job, this is a nice write although i think that youtr first stanza affects the rythim by cutting off the last line in it. But thats what is so hard to wirte a grammatical poem, probably why i have only written one sonnet and wont do another. any ways good job, i suggest u try to say what u already have in the problem area but in a different way that still follows the scheme. keep up the good work
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nicely penned
the part"Your righteous love, I did forsake", kind of threw me off a bit the poem seemed to be about someone you cared about very much but then you ended it as a dream.
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