I'm a fucking work of art
A blood-and-paint catastrophe
Controlled by strings, I'll play my part
And show that there's no good in me
All the black is really white
If you believe with your whole heart
I'm sending you a sleepless night
So you and I can be apart
Nothing seems worth saving now
I didn't break, you shattered me
I'm sick of you telling me how
"You never really mattered, see?"
"It's still alright to smile, love,"
You oh-so-sweetly vocalized
"You're like an angel from above,"
I'm sick to death of all your lies
I think I heard a shot today
It echoed from my hidden gun
I hate for it to end this way
But, precious love, I finally won.
Author notes
It's up to you, dear reader. Who was shot?
Option One.
A contest entry
- Perfect Illusions & Broken Hearts. by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended June 27, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do You Deserve To Be On My Favourites? by Allure of a Rose.
950 points, ended July 22, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just go to it. by Swan song.
480 points, ended July 15, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pure Anger!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended September 18, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Everyone Who Has Me On Their Favourites. by Exodus.
875 points, ended October 20, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your most popular by Beating.
425 points, ended October 26, 2007, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything that has good rhyme!(pre-writes allowed) by ExpectingMommy18.
650 points, ended October 25, 2007, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me something with intensity by Kumgang.
300 points, ended January 10, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Regret (Prewritten poems allowed) by underestimated1.
700 points, ended July 7, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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wow i love your style and word choice. great idea for the ending as well. I love the line "I didn't break, you shattered me" what a great idea! thanks for entering my contest.
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very clever ending.. thank you for entering and good luck with the contest!
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the rhythm went a bit on and off at parts, but other than that, I think that this is a very good write. I don't know who was shot - that's hard to say, because you kind of make it possible for it to be either one. I love the wording in this and the overall thing. Good job!
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very nice poem good luck in the contest
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I think this loses a little bit because of the rhyme, one or two of the lines didn't sound as fluent as they could have without it's constriction. Other than that the only other thing I thought could have been improved on was the use of the word "catastrophe". Unfortunately because of the Dirty Pretty trend it's sitting in the "crimson rain" catagory.
But apart from that I thought this was a powerful story, and the end was great. -
OH shit.
i was like holding my breath all the way through this...Breathe Tory Breathe!!!!
Gawwwwd this was fricken awesome..great job.
Tory
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I like the way you can take this piece either way... Suicide, or homicide? You decide. This was angst ridden though, but also got the deep routed hurt that you feel from betrayal. We've all been through it and sometimes in our heads this scene would be played out over and over, neither quite ending right.
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Very intense
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Wanted to tell you my favorite line that I believe puts the whole poem in perspective:
I didn't break, you shattered me
It is kind of sad it ended so bitter- but I see the ending (the gun shooting) as metaphorical- her taking all her power back from a true loser.
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wow- that last line just wraps it all up perfectly. If I were at a poetry slam and you read this poem I'd give you a standing ovation. Great job!
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Mmm, very nice.
Puzzling, astonishing, and overall makes you kinda tilt your head to the side and go, "a fucking work of art, indeed."
Definitely a fan of this poem.
-Allura
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Good;
Love The Last Stanza, Thank You For Taking Time To Enter My Contest!
Lullaby.
x -
I like this.
You used the phrases well. The ending is phenomenal. I really am curious who got shot... its killing me, lol.
Anyways, This is amazing, I'm glad you entered it.
Congrats on your other trophies, you deserve it.
I'm a fucking work of art
A blood-and-paint catastrophe
Controlled by strings, I'll play my part
And show that there's no good in me
^^^^ love it. By the last line, it seems as if the one this poem is directed to is the one who got shot... but I dont know.
Love this, doll.
Keep it up.
[♥]
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THe very last stanza is my favorite. I like that is leaves the reader questioning: who?
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YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ~ you rocked da HOUSE with this!!! This deserves GOLD! rock on!!! you've blown it way~ can you feel the power I DO! AWESOME write!
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Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad you liked my poem. =)
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wow
its seemed to be very deep, thats a cool way you ended your poem, with ur title goes with it.. I finialy won
Fire Angel -
WOW!!
Very powerful write!! Like how it flows & love it all
Thanks alot for entering my contest & best of luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
It's obvious that she killed him. I like this a lot, it's almost sarcastic and mocking in a way, especially when he's talking to her. Great job!
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This is brilliant. Flowed well, rhyme scheme executed beautifully, and the story was very raw and expressive. Overall, I adored it, really. Thanks for entering!
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WOW
"I think I heard a shot today
It echoed from my hidden gun
I hate for it to end this way
But, precious love, I finally won. "
my favorite lines. but the entire poem was wonderful
very intersting write. i loved the ending. i love that it has a 'in your face' attutide to it. and it really does fit all three options. thankyou so much for enterting my vcontest, goodluck!
Cookie -
i didn't like the rhyming in this one, it sounded almost forced onto it, like you were trying to hard.. if you would just let it flow and be a free verse it would probably be a little bit better.. good luck in the contest though, yours is at least better than mine.. you should read it, it's called Killing is Fun
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This is awesome!!
"I'm a fucking work of art
A blood-and-paint catastrophe"
Well done, and good luck in the contest. Keep up the awesome work!! xoxo
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I gotta agree with Athena. She definitely pulled a page from Chicago and blew his head off. This poem has awesome flow and surprisingly brightened my mood. And for the life of me I can't figure out why. Quoting from Chicago here, "So I fired two warning shots............into his head."
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I love Chicago, it's an amazing movie and I just saw it on Broadway last Christmas.
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Excellent flow; love the vibrant feeling of faded reality; seems so real but out of this world; very surreal. Great verse.
Ryan
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She definately killed him; great write.
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Haha you're just saying that because it's me writing it. But I'll never tell!
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i love your poem,,its aweosme
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