I have two pets,
rambunctious but sweet.
The kind of friends
you're happy to meet.
My first is a puppy
and the love we share just doubles.
But she wanders all over the place,
and before got into trouble!
That day was years ago
and I'm glad she was okay.
She quickly escaped our yard
but we found her far away.
My other is a chubby kitten
who eats on and on, way too much!
He gradually, happily grows wide,
from consuming food in the bunch.
He's also a rebel
and always tries to go outside.
But he's a house cat.
Letting him out, not on our mind!
Author notes
I didn't want to say their names because nothing rhymes with them but I hope that was okay and that you still like it! 11 years old.
A contest entry
- 10 Options ... Simple as that =] by Manda Kathryn.
600 points, ended July 1, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling ALL Kids 14 and under!! Introduce me to your Favorite Pet by Breelynn.
500 points, ended July 7, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest for kids! by star wars fanatic.
450 points, ended July 19, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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awwww, this is cute. congrats on the gold trophy!!!
-slick99
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Very cute good write. Good thing I read this.
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This is so cute, and you are very talented for an eleven year old! Your cat reminds me a lot of my own, who is always trying to escape.
lol Nicely done and thanks for entering my contest. 
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kittylover,
First off, Thank you very much for your entry in my contest =]
Second, This is an adorable write that I love So cute and sweet. I love puppies and cats, I own 4 cats myself and they just eat and eat 
Wonderful write
Excellent !
Best of luck =]
Stay safe
~Amanda
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Well, I AM only 11 lol. This is pretty much the best I can do without it seeming like I used a dictionary or thesaurus.
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it was ok but needs improvement.try harder
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very nice.
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Thanks! I do like your lines better, Epistomolus . They sound more swift and flowing than mine. I'll be sure to pay more attention next time to my rhymes!
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Fun!
This is a fun poem. Nicely done. We have a housecat that only got out once, and the vet bill was $2000 :-(
I'd like to see you tell us more about both of your pets. What happened to the puppy when she ran away? If you don't know, you can always make something up.
Since this is the meter and rhyme workshop, I'll make a couple of comments.
You have two clear rhymes and three slant rhymes - outside and mind really don't rhyme, nor do rebel and trouble. In both cases, these words have assonance - similar vowels or consonants, but not a true rhyme. That's perfectly okay, of course (rappers make a bundle of cash), but you can work a little longer with a line to get a clearer rhyme in a lot of cases.
Your meter is a not consistent. Now, that doesn't mean you didn't write a nice poem - you did. If you want to have a consistent rhythm, though, you can adjust your lines to fit.
For example, let's pick up on your rhythm in the first couple of lines:
I have two pets,
rambunctious but sweet
the kind of friends
you're happy to meet.
Ta-tum ta-tum,
Ta tuh tuh tuh tum.
Ta-tum ta-tum,
Ta tuh tuh tuh tum.
My lines aren't better, they just demonstrate a more consistent rhythm. I wouldn't change this poem, but as you work on new poems, you might want to experiment with keeping the rhythm very steady as you go from line to line, or stanza to stanza.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm glad you joined our group. :-)
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Thanks! That helped a lot
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Cute.
Ahhhh a very sweet and loving poem to your pets, Although, in my opinion, in your second stanza I would prefer to see "who" instead of "which" as the first word in the second line. "Into" instead of "in" in the last line,
the third stanza last line could lose the "but" and improve the flow I think. Every time I read "but" I pause, as if there is a comma there. It breaks the rythym. You can trim the "from" in the last line in the 4th stanza as well improving that one. The 5th can lose both the "and"s as well as the "is". using commas instead of all three words...
My first is a puppy
*who* is a tiny rebel.
She wanders all over the place,
and once got *into* trouble!
That day was years ago
and I'm glad she was okay.
She quickly escaped our yard
we found her far away.
My other is a chubby kitten
whom eats way too much!
He gradually grows wide,
consuming food in the bunch.
He's also a rebel,
always tries to go outside.
But he's a house cat,
letting him out, not on our mind!
just my suggestion...Scott
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lol, very sweet. it made me smile, and reminded me of my dog =] good luck in the contest!!!
-Kaitlyn-
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