I'm the offering lain on the altar--
Trust in your god.
We perform practiced,
remembered rituals
Prayers on my lips
On your lips
“My God,” I mutter
“My God; Oh, my God!”
Feeling the fervor of my
conviction
You speak through me
in tongues
I’m possessed by your
grace
A sprinkle of that Holy Milk
on my flesh
But I will sin again
And return penitent
seeking your guidance, your embrace
Then stray once more
as is my worldly nature
Because your love—
Like any good faith—
Fails to satisfy
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I love poems like this. Poems that tackle issues of faith and spirituality. To me these issues are OF VITAL IMPORTANCE. This poem is so honest and so raw but at the same time beautifully subtle. Its full of profound observations and complex implications. I particularly like the line "You speak through me in tongues I'm possessed by your grace a sprinkle of that holy milk on my flesh" Its enough to send shivers up and down ones spine.
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Interesting take on spiritual writing. Full of emotion, desire, and the truth of this religion. Very awe inspiring!!
ASM
AKA Raymond -
religion is built upon a broken outlook, with freedom in the world, it simply wouldn't exsist.
your poem seems fairly akward at moments but you bring it back with intresting & pleasing word choice and refrain worthy ending lines. -
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maybe you only see the surface of the poem...
but thank you for the read and the comments
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ah
i might not break up the lines as much...
You speak through me
in tongues
I’m possessed
by your grace
or make it two lines. fantastic write--but the line breaks are distracting a bit. good job.
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Very impressed. I actually strongly dislike religion as an instition, but I can see the metaphor for other forms of religion in here, like love, or music, or art, or even writing, which fantastic as it is can be unsatisfying too.
Very difficult to criticise this. If anything, I'd add more sporadic rhyme to give a more definite rhythm, or possibly some alliteration.
As I said, I'm very impressed. A very good poem. -
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Thank you for your consideration of my poem and advice. like most of my poetry, this poem isn't about what it seems
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it does fail to satisfy. I love the twist of faith at the end. I cant find anything to fix in this piece. Your point is strong, it flows well and hits hard at the end. Great piece! There should be more writes on this subject. take a look at my poem Faith!
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hey wow thats is great!
WOW!! THAT IS GREAT!!! this poem is deep and i luv this.... it wuz beutifully written as sumone said before
this is a very great peice.... and as someone also said it is honest and empathetic... it really is....
great metaphore!
srry if i spelled that wrong
lol
keep writin!!!!
god bless
much love
--
xxhoopstar21xx
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Honest and empathetic
I love the fact your use of the word religion could mean so much to so many. So often we create our own 'religions', be they relationships, addictions etc, none of which have the ability to satisfy us. As a Christian I can empathise, I find that my faith does satisfy, except at those times when I allow myself to become distracted by the things of the world...
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thank you for reading and for contemplating the metaphoric aspect of my piece.
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Pleasure...
I was beautifully written. I would appreciate some feedback on my work if you could...
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Interesting... I like the metaphor about they're love bring a reigion. AS I first started reading, the first two lines caught me, in a very pleasent way. But as I read on, it was not what I thought it would be. A Spin for the better I would say. Nice work, I intend to read more of your poems...
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thank you for your kind words and for understanding the metaphor. so few people realized that i wasn't talking solely about god.
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I can empaphise
Sometimes we barely scractch the surface of what God requires of us, and are often so easily distracted by the world. We can be satisfied, but often do not "feel" it.
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profound
This is so true. We are feel empty and that God has not meet our need as promised, so we take control and seek sinful pleasure to fill the hole. I'm learning though that God never promised pleasure but rather to take us to him through our pain.
I related to this piece more than you could know.
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This is very emotional and deep.
Religion is such a touchy subject
for many. I simply believe in God,
and not all the man made rules, that goes along with so many different religions.
I have my own personal relationship with God,
so I simply say " to each their own ".
I enjoyed your piece, good writing.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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Yes!
Boy do I wish you had rolled with this thought just a little bit further! I love the thought!
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beautiful honesty and carefully chosen words
rich with honesty and carefully chosen words that run
deep.
Thankyou for the lesson in faith and your honesty!
Loved it!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen
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I see your point but
maybe if there was a little less "straying"
there would be a little more "satisfaction". Luckily for us, God is faithful to forgive. (I saw that written somewhere, sometimes.) Not bad.
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its a metaphor
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Wow. You have always had such a way with words, that just leaves me next to speechless. These lines are so intense, and deeply powerful. Great use of device, this poem could be taken in many ways... Excellent write, as always!
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