I never meant to hurt you like I had, wishing I would’ve further supplemented your pain.
I suppose I’ve done all that I could have, leaving your heart dead all the same.
I admire slaughtering the animal you are; confident you’ll endure hells scorn.
I worship you won’t see heavens afar, eliminating everything you stand for.
You may not receive judgment from above, digesting my hate and torment thus forth.
I know I’m destroying your dreadful love; burying you with the tears I’ve worn.
Author notes
A new piece for the collection.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is a heavy poem, is the first thing I can think of after reading this. It's kind of... brutal... but still it holds on to feelings so well that all that just disappeared from my mind. Yeah, I still had problems with the long lines, but in this poem it bothered even less because this is something that doesn't come along every day. A great idea and wonderfully done. Thanks for sharing this one
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Wow
Pretty brutal and lovely language. I really like this cause it conveys so much emotion with saying very little. I also like this because it reminds me of some of my own experiences, tho a bit dissimilar. I really love this line in particular: "I love you won’t see heavens star, eliminating what you stand for." I also like the last line as well. This is a pretty deep poem. You have an interesting writing style.
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this was good. i felt it could have been more powerful. the rhyming seemed forced in such a way that it detracts from the writing. fix it or dont, but i dont quite care for this one.
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Very insightful.
"Oh what hell doth love conceive, when a cold dark heart with malice deceives." Ah, the game of love is most intriguing and challenging as well. This was a very insightful piece indeed. I really enjoyed your rhyme scheme and flow, quite enjoyable. The third line seemed a little awkward though. For some reason, "I propose you to choke," threw me off a little. Other than that; an excellent work.
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after seeing your contest i was curious, so i just looked in all of your present posts, in all of them there is a common factor, the presentation, perhaps think on breaking lines up? having just a block of words does distract the reader's eye. i think poetry is more than the words of the poem, it is how it is given too to the reader. it's like a shop window to your work, you want to catch people's eyes. and i don't mean anything too fancy like moving backgrounds and such, just some spaces and line breaks to help with pause when reading. though not all poems need such spacing, when i looked in your poems i did think presentation could be improved.
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Always a reason why we do something. sometimes we just don't own up to doing what we do, and keep blaming our actions on others - if they hadn't done this, then we wouldn't have done that. Alibis give us an out liked this poem and the thoughts you express here.
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heyyy, sorry I suck so badly at keeping in touch. Myspace blows anyway.
okay, poem time. I like this, it's very emotional and I like how you set it up, but that line " love you won’t see heavens star, eliminating what you stand for" confuses me as well. -
I very much enjoyed this poem, it had an edge of violence behind it that while it was there, you didn't make it the sole focus of the poem.
I feel this is personal to you - and I have to admit, there are people that I never meant to hurt, but I wish I could have done it so much more. Because they've hurt me, or someone I loved. Yeah, going through that right now.
"I love you won't see heavens star,"
I think you meant, "I love you, won't see heaven's star," right?
Again, you end it with an emotional well versed line.
[thoudreamchild]
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