As summer sun sets Erin’s west
a silver moon crests Erie’s east
‘Cross the waters, shines anew
a-huntin’ boys, do go in few
the troubles, do as Erie doth
Each Father’s son, a call to keep
to live the life as fresh and few
to keep the Island fresh and free
to stay the creature, dark and deep
that infiltrates… and wrecks our dreams
As Erin’s call, we stand-in, straight
to live in peace and harmony
An Erie moon may bring us pause
that wakes us, cold.. with dripping jaws
remembering unlucky draws
On such nights, with not an owl
we gather dreaming, scheming some
each Father’s son, to keep a call
to stand for something, old but new
that keeps us free, our families all
Oh the howling ax did sing
to slap the creature down.
Heavy, did we do these things
when night winds, bristly cold did howl
and wake us from our dream somehow
When aqua eyes burned white with pain
through darkest night, through cold and rain
we rounded every creature’s son
to spill their essence, on hollowed ground…
and morning came, and washed away…
As mortals, sins we carry down
a heavy burden on our crown
that wakes us from our dreams in light..
a pale moon sheds its beams of life
and morning comes, to wash away…
Living for our loved one’s touch,
do lead us not, temptation’s lust
Never shall we speak these things
but dreaming.. that’s another thing
We do not choose our dreams, I think
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In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Great write and I hope we are not held accountable for our dreams otherwise I am in a great deal of trouble.
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Jeez. That's deep. I really enjoyed it. It was definitly somthin i would read. I was thinking so much, without intending to.
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This is such a deep piece full of emotion ... it brought such thoughts to my mind as i read it. It is strange the dreams we have as so true we do not choose them this was my favorite part. Great job my friend!
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All I have to say is this is well written,full of emotion,has a great flow,Great write...Hazel
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This is such a touchy-feely piece that has all of Erin's charms, doubts and troubles caught up and displayed. It oddly reminded me of the "Children of Lir" an old epic story from the emerald isle. The final line is so perceptive and sublime - We do not choose our dreams, I think You must know that I liked it. Thank you for the read.
Donald
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It had a beautiful notion behind it, but I'm afraid I had to kind of battle my way through to read it in that my focus drifted. Nevertheless a brilliant attempt, and I can tell you are trying to convey a message that is important to you. Keep up the good work. xx
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favorite lines:
Heavy, did we do these things
when night winds, bristly cold did howl
and wake us from our dream somehow.
very nice. a little long for my taste though -
Very nice read! A few of the rhymes are a little akward, but otherwise, very well written =) I love this part:
An Erie moon may bring us pause
that wakes us, cold.. with dripping jaws
very graphic. I enjoyed it. GL!!
Peace!! =)
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umm. it was a good poem, but you didnt grab my attension. it was difficult to stay focused. but never the less nice write.
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The rhythm of this poem first jumped out at me. It was so fun to read because the caesura was always so perfectly placed.
And the story - cool!
The deaming idea - also very cool.
What a great poem. I think I'd call it rollicking. mmm, yes.
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Very conclusive
The begining was ify, but by the 3rd stanza i started to get the picture. Nice write hopw others get a look at it to. UNT -
I loved how you made it form a story, and the imagery you created was simply fantastic. I enjoyed it. You are very talented.
-Stormy- -
wonderful imagery and language constructs. solid ebb and flow to the entire piece. really brought you along nicely.
i especially liked:
Living for our loved one’s touch,
do lead us not, temptation’s lust
Never shall we speak these things
but dreaming.. that’s another thing
We do not choose our dreams, I think
again wonderful writing. thank you for sharing this with us.
- andre -
Outstanding
Love the background...however I didn't understand the first stanza though it gripped me enough to want to read more. When I read a poem the highest compliment is that I want to read it again not because I didn't understand it but because I want to enjoy it again.
When it comes to the last line I think it would be a better to leave off I think. It doesn't add to anything but it could be a used in the beginning maybe? May be start with 'Cross the waters...then the next two after and then the first two lines.
I love what you have done...these suggestions are just what I would write on the page if someone handed it to me to read.
My favorite lines are: When aqua eyes burned white with pain
through darkest night, through cold and rain
we rounded every creature’s son
to spill their essence, on hollowed ground…
and morning came, and washed away…
Love the line breaks and inner rhyme. At first I thought you used dream a little too much but by the end I said no. I always try to never repeat a word in a poem...but I think using it works well.
I am happy I will be able to now read more of what you have written.
Penquinpoet
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I love this, the classic style, the oral tradition rhythm, the complete descriptions of the images, the eye color, haunting, lovely.
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Beautiful! This is timeless and sweet. What a wonderful tribute to a homeland. There just no words to applaud this properly. Keep up the good work.
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I read this several times over, and di not really get it until i read the comments.Not sure if this was youre intention? I liked the last 2 stanzas on the first read, the exploration of sin and dreams.
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oh wow. I really liked this. the tradition that is steeped in these words... at first the poem was beautifully descriptive but then you added depth by creating a need to protect, and also incorporating the dreams that tie it all nicely together at the end... well done.
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fair
In some parts it didnt really fit together but by the end it starts to take form and rolls on like a fast train. To understand mans sin we must look inside ourselves and you did a fair job of this. For in our sins usually lie our greatest fears. so keep writing friend it all works in the end -
I didn't quite get the story behind this, but the actual writing was very good and had some beautiful phrases and imagery. The fact that it was in first person made it interesting for me because whats being described is so general but you still get the twist of personal viewpoint. The last stanza was also very good, very thought provoking. Excellent job on this piece.
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you have a gifted mind that lies well on paper
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Very Well Said
This is truly a fictional poem, putting myself in place, in the dream, with those of old a thousand years ago that fought for the free republic of Ireland; the Creature being British Imperialism. Bob
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Your couplets are well-matched and well-thought out.
My favorite:
When aqua eyes burned white with pain
through darkest night, through cold and rain
Good read. The progression from one line, from one thought, to another was strong. The flow of your words kept me reading. Your descriptions of Erin and her pain made me feel them. I know the history, I am there with you.
I wrote a free verse entitled Yeats' Incantation. I invite you to read it.
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beautiful. i can say no more without taking away from it's beauty with these unequivelant words.
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Such a mysterious piece full of incredible imagery with well-kept strucutre and rhyme. A fine little bewitching tale from Ireland or dreams, or both. Very well done. Excellent poem.
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Dreams....how they seem to take us to places farther than we could imagine..Showing us new and enchanting places in the remote corners of our minds..Very good write
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intresting topic you penned here. I never thought about it like how you present it. How are dreams aren't selected by but the somehow find us. We do all dream and i guess we chose what dream we would rather work towards or what dreams we feel are just too far to reach. This poem reall has me thinking.
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Amazing
Words like this make me wonder
whome is the poet, and whome is the talent
You are best at Old English orIrish Folk Words
This is very incredable, Robert
I have no choise but to say Amazing for the 61st time in 9,635 comments
Well said, My Brother
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Hi Bob,
Not my first thought after reading this, but one that wasn't long in coming: Thank God I'm not holding a contest that he's entered this in! It is as beautiful as anything I remember reading, and worthy of much more than even a simple AP gold trophy. To be honest, it's been quite a while since any poem has genuinely made me feel anything. But this does, and I'm grateful for that. (I was beginning to worry it was just me. 
)
What I at first believed this to be about changed halfway through the poem, then again at the end. Are the last two lines indicative of the writer's true meaning? I don't know...as Peteskid said, it is the writer's choice...and therefore, each reader's decision as well. But no matter what the intended meaning, it is beautiful to read, with just a touch of darkness that (to me) enhances the piece wonderfully. Perhaps some day you will share with me the inspiration for this.
Two minor changes you might want to consider:
"to spill there (their) essence, on hollowed ground…"
and:
"a pail (pale) moon sheds its beams of life"
Actually, that line bothers me some...it didn't seem quite as smooth as all the others. Hum...something I don't like about the word "its" in there...
"as a pale moon sheds beams of life" perhaps? Just a thought.
If I wanted to get really, really picky (Which I only do on poems I absolutely love, btw) I'd suggest replacing "fresh" in either line 7 or 8 so that it doesn't repeat.
Profoundly moving with great imagery, and playing gorgeously with the sounds of the English language, this will easily go into my store of favorite poetry.
Much love,
~J.
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Definitly a unquice poem indeed. It kept me drawn in and waiting for the end. I like the rhymning and phrasing. Very good!
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a mysterious Erin
very scenic and place oriented writing...lake erie shrouded in a mystery, a creature lurks and men must act to destroy it, very vivid imagery and artisitc descriptions cloud the story in a dark night kind of view, i read it three times and still reached for the meanings but this is the writer's choice; a talented writer here and a style wrapped in mystery...PK
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Interesting approach on this write... I like it.. A lot!!! You are correct... we don't choose our dreams... but we can influence them both fortunately and unfortunately.... Lovely!!!
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