something
of me - I, will
live on in sparrow bones
of words: my small, white song against
demise
Author notes
Cinquain
Photography: Song Sparrow by Bates Littlehales
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Cinquain Challenge~ by Virgoan.
400 points, ended June 22, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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touching
Having now read several of your poems, I am very impressed at your verse. This one speaks to me, perhaps not as intended (reading the comments) but all the same.
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And thanks again, James. This one is in the cinquain form - actually the only short form I really enjoy. I'm happy this one speaks to you...
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Beautiful!
The little sparrow is never really written about in poetry, yet it is a most beautiful little bird...they are a common bird in my country, but are now on a quick decline, not so many to see or hear anymore...I love this Cinquain, you have made my eyes smart with the emotion I feel from your verse, and you shall live on and be remembered through sparrow bones of words and song
Congratulations on your trophy
~Lilac
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Profound and meaningful Cinquain. The power of the words are very sharp and unique choice of subject matter.
All the lines are coherent and well think of.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~
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This is a beautiful penning, your work seems to carry a wonderful inviting flow and you imagery is captivating. Wonderful work and again, my pleasure to read!
~Tia
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Sparrows are very sharp of eye and fleet of wing, but I hear poetry and life every time one of them sings. It brings to mind a line from another poem: "...but how would I know, even a brown bird swings and sings." (from Dreamer by Juanita Bourns)
Beautifully emotive cinquain. You know, that word "cinquain" feels so musical. Love it!
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The word does have a musical feel - you've pinpointed it, Karen... thank you, my friend
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...so does your poem, Nicci. It is a song within a song, a crystal mantra, like the hum of a tuning fork...
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Very few poets can express so much with such few words.I loved the line
live on in sparrow bones
What an incrediable fusion of words.Brilliant my friend and well worth my popping on here for a little while.
~Helen
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I'm glad you popped in, Helen... thank you, my friend
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such beauty
contained within this short piece!
very well chosen words!
I love the flow & feel of this piece!
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Great poem, I liked how you used imagery here. This was a good poem which I found quite fragile and delicate.
Pozo
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gorgeous ... really ...
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I came here for a bit of class- seems I made the right move. This is fragile beauty at its finest.
David
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the freesong of sparrow, lifted on wind, reminiscent of journey's passing and spirits immortalized; life's musical fragility laced with hopefulness and steadfast certainty.
s ~
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This poem, to me, feels vaguely reminiscent of Emily Dickinson; short, eloquently composed, and requiring of some thought to fully appreciate. It is beautiful, and I find that I agree with Night Hope's words [as seen in her contest honoring you].
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Thank you very much, Isalie...I appreciate your kind words....
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I can't recall the last time I've considered form poetry (for me to write at all). What I do know is - there are a few here that can bring excellence to the poem regardless of form or free-write. This is another example of that at its best.
stunning - the petite view of a sparrow's bones and something which seems so insurmountable as the protest itself. (still amazing what one can do with their heart put forth into the endeavor - perhaps in this case with being to write a perfect poem).
- Kimmie
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Thank you so much Kim - I so appreciate your poetic eye and ability to touch a poem...right to the smallest "bone". I must admit that the cinquain isn't easy but I do like the "test", lol. Thank you... I do appreciate your wonderful comments - and your poetry.
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Perfection!
Wonderful wistful wisdom.
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UMMM
Go away girl....20 views and 44 applause is not fair....I only have six view and ummm forgot how many applause......but just the same this is just ummmm awesome....here's three more
Mal
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Beautiful. You are the queen of cinquains!
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Indeed the poetess will live on through her white song against demise,and what a harmonic song,one that vibrates on a harmonic note throughout the universe,a tightly knit piece unrestrained by form but still creative and original,just like the poetess herself! Marvellous
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Your poems and presentations of them are just so beautiful and excellent - you are a poet I admire! I love this
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I like this a lot
and someone may hear a beautiful birdsong and wonder...; so very nice, a lingering thought in a small poem...PK
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You are just so elegantly beautiful, feathered bird in distant hand of fluttered freedom...
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One of the best cinquains I think I've ever read..
powerful and deep.
Excellent.
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you didnt read mine....lol
shame on you...mines better haha
Mal
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this holds such a simple elegance. beautifully done...
al
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The damn little things always bugged me, I was just never able to be happy with ones I had tried to write.
I am curious about "My small, white song"....but besides that very good.
* that didn't sound right.......not but besides, it is a very good poem. The "but because" is just my not figuring it out. lol
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The "small, white song"...the song of bones or the bones of words... Thank you..glad I could inspire you to try a cinquain too!
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Ooh, it seems your muse is being very productive lately my friend, and what a precious quality it delivers
There seems to be quite some levels within your lines - truly wonderful!
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We have little sparrows everywhere too in Melbourne, they are delightful and so are your words. Love, C
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That's very nice. Even your protests are soft through their wording, but powerful through their message. I think this characterizes you and poets in general. Very well said.
~Diana
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Thank you, Diana...yes, this is about poets too...
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Sighhh...Ahhh, this is absolutely gorgeous, Sweetie...but there is nothing small about you or your words, my dear Friend...You are as infinite as the night sky, filled with starlight...What you call your "small, white song" is a kaleidoscopic symphony to those that know & love you, Lady...Beautiful cinquain from the one that taught me the form...& who has perfected it with her tender touch...Good luck in the contest, Dear Heart... Vlindertjie
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's.... thank you, Vlindertjie for the beauty of your heart, my friend.
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Sparrow bones conjure the delicacy of promises, sighs, tears, and songs. Also the strenght it takes to carry ones self in flight. These words are indeed delicate, and strong. You continually amaze me.
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Billie Jean...so good to see you again... thank you so much for this lovely comment.
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Excellent.
:Something of me- I, will = you or your will live on as white song (yes!); thought. Poem. -
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Thank you for the kind words...
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I love the thought of words being sparrow bones, swallow bones.. small ..insignificant to many but still as much the earth as anything else..
lovely..
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Yes...the bones will remain - and the the love, the love in the words... Thank you so much
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