Ten thousand broken
trees form a natural grave
Mother Earth crying
A contest entry
- A Hiaku, 10 word poem, Or Just a Stary Night Poem by Frozen Fire Poet.
315 points, ended July 1, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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sounds like
Mt st helens or a tornado the earth in pain -
What do you mean by "natural grave"?
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Natural grave
Imagine looking out into a field of tree stumps... those stumps could be like grave stones for the trees that were killed. That was the image in my head.
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So sad...
It's so sad!!!
It tells so many stories in only three lines...
I really like it.
I'm not telling you to change it, because I'm sure that it was meant to be non-traditional, but I find it not to be a good HAIKU. I'm not saying it's not a great poem, but I learned Haiku as sending you mental picture, not telling you a story. That's what makes Haiku hard, is having to find words that describe a picture, when most poems tell stories. I still love this as a poem, but I don't like it as a Haiku.
Perhaps;
"ten thousand broken
trees formed as natural graves
crying mother earth"
would be better. It gives a sorta image inside your head.
I don't know if this would be any better though.
BTW: Usually Haiku don't have any caps.
Just a small tip.
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Thanks!
That was an awesome review. I really like Haiku... although I know I butcher it.
lol Your advice on it was very well recieved! 
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Sad. Is this global warming you are talking about? If it is good job and good thinking you did making this. yayness.
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Logging in the Amazon
Frozen fire,
I was thinking about the deforesting of the Amazon mostly... it really makes me sad... these guys have no idea what they are giving up.
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