days of quills and paper have long passed
yet the muse remains
filling heads with thoughts to last
forever breaking chains
scenes that set my fingers flying
over the keyboard of my mind
feelings that leave me trying
to touch a mind refined
I long to give a lasting hope
to all those that dwell in lack
just a pause to help one cope
a phrase upon a plaque
words that flow in liquid streams
painting luscious landscapes
streams filled with golden dreams
echoing sounds of bagpipes
take me away to distant lands
where in peace the populace dwell
watch as your world expands
watch the fairies in the dell
fill my psyche with compassion
for the common man
help me to write with passion
as poets have since time began
In a list
A contest entry
- I Am A Poet - Dedicated to Individuality by CarolDesjarlais.
650 points, ended June 10, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me What You Got!!! by Debbie Hansman.
1100 points, ended July 28, 2007, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE BEST OF YOUR BEST by Whispering Wind.
1800 points, ended March 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CELEBRATING POETRY AND POETS- ONE-DAY competition, "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY by Vera Rich.
6000 points, ended November 26, 2008, 127 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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You've painted the poet's heart and captured the writer's soul here. Well written, indeed. Thank you for sharing.
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I think you have a spelling mistake in the first line. Surely, it should be "passed", not "past"?
And I find the rhyming of the fourth stanza a little awkward. Although the rest of the poem uses masculine (i.e.monosyllabic rhymes), here you unexpectedly introduce what is presumably meant to be a feminine (disyllabic rhyme), and which - with the stressed vowels rhyming exactly, but the unstressed vowels not rhyming and the consonants not coinciding does not really fit the English concept of rhyme. Such rhymes are acceptable in Eastern European conventions of rhyme - and indeed, I often use them myself in my translations, for which reason I know only too well that to many Anglophone ears (especially those of reviewers and critics) they are simply "non-rhymes".
In my opinion, such rhymes can work in English but have to be used with great discretion.
And in your poem, I fear, the rhyming of "landscapes" and "bagpipes" does rather suggest that you had difficulty in shaping this stanza to fit the rest of the poem. Perhaps, once the competition (including the commenting period) is over, you might give some thought to revising this stanza.
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Thank you for entering my "Celebrating poetry and poets competition". I am currently only presorting the poems into probable, possible and alas-impossible entries, but will return to this poem when I come to make my final judging.
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Wow I love this poem the flow and rhyme is awesome. Hope fully one day i will be able to write as well as you have this Good luck with your poem Dear and Congrats on the previously won hm
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My mind melts into the flow of your words...such beauty flowing from your pen my sister
Niaish for entering and sharing with me
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wonderful words
and your flow was so good
your poetry shines
great work
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Oh My...such a beautiful write. And it flows with such ease.
Wonderful Poem!
Thank you for entering and Good Luck!
debbie -
LIONS HAVE PRIDE!
The only way I can describe this poem, is 'magically written'
I love the metaphors, they express your thoughts so well and give the reader some great imagery to ponder over
Your rhyming is perfect except for stanza #4, I think in this stanza you got carried away with a flow of thought, it can soon be remedied though, then you'll have a work of art
There are some brilliant lines, the flow is good and I found it to be a delightful read...
Love and smiles...
~Lilac
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Thank you for these comments and encouragement. that are throughly appreciated.
*Go with God* my Friend,
Valerie
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Lions Have Pride!!
Sorry I'm a little late
but loved this piece You have penned
Magnificent!
Woooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo
Great verse!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!
Well done, I enjoyed this poem greatly. It made me stop a thing when I was reading this poem. It flowed so smoothly from start to finish. Well done.
xAngelx4xLife
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!
Fantastic! the vision of your inspiration always remaining with you...brilliant. and great flow to go with your words. Awsome write!
hugs,
Steph
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!
The message in this poem was beautifully quoted. It was very interesting and creative. Your imagery was vivid and inspiring. The flow and tone made this poem a pleasure to read. It is a well written free verse poem. Splendid write. I enjoyed it very much.
~Snappy~
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Dear Valerie ~
I have just read the best Poem ever penned by you ~
You may have better on parchment somewhere,
but for the ones I have read, this is the most thought-out,
precise, envisionary, truthful, masterful write yet ~
You took this Theme and ran with it!
You know how much I enjoy unusual Themes,
and you made me smile as this is
the first poem I viewed this morning ~
Your rhyming scheme is impecable..
....however, my tongue does have a problem with
*landscapes & bagpipes*
Long A
Long I
But....that did not take away from the Beauty
and creativity and Art of this write ~
Your Metaphores are superb,
presentation is flawless,
grammatical choices, well chosen,
graphics to enhance write, splendid ~
I will say a prayer for you as soon as I click
the enter button here for this review ~
Satan has no authority over your feverish body....
.....may the Holy Tender mend you now ~
In Jesus name...
Amen!
Be well my Sister,
Brother Bear ~
SMILE!!
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Thank you so much my precious Bear. Your prayers are much appreciated. as are your words of encouragement.
*Go with God* my brother,
Valerie
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE
paintings on cave walls, saying it all
the minds of all that were inspired to tell the tale.
this was such a marvelous piece of explination, we do not write for we have no choice the muse is our master/mistress, and drives us hard to share the most intimate and secret parts of our soul, or just the words to another to say hello.
you penned a great piece
thanks it was most enjoyable.
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE
Beautiful flowing verses, lovely painting of pictures with your vivid words. Very well done, a joy to read.
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!
You do a great job with your line breaks in this poem. Usually pieces without punctuation run together, but your breaks put pauses in all the right places. Good job with the rhyme as well. The poem has great sound. Well-penned. >pixxie<
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Lions have Pride!
Wahoo! A great rhyming poem that passed far too quickly for me, I was enjoying it so much! I particularly enjoyed the send to last stanza, myself. Great job!
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Lions Have Pride!!!
What a great read this is! This says sooooooo much about us as writers. But I am one of the die hards, I still put my poems on papaer first, then type them on here. LOL. You did a great job on this one!!
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LIONS HAVE PRIDE!
A very good write and presentation. Lovely metaphor. Very good word choice. Strong alliteration. Nice assonance. Very good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Good descriptives. Good depth of feeling. Elegant. Well crafted and a most enjoyable read.
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excellent expression
You express why you write very eloquently in this poem. The quills are in days gone by, but the poets still have a strong need to put their thoughts on paper. I like this:
"I long to give a lasting hope
to all those that dwell in lack"
I always say if one of my poems helps just one person, then it was well worth it.
Good luck in the contest!
Love & Hugs Sis,
Aurora 2012
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So many of us write for others....a way to givehope to those who may feel hopeless...for those who need written word to comfort them..Nicely done.
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exquisite
I really like the rhyme and the whole flow of this poem. Very well constructed with numerous images and metaphors. I very much like "fill my psyche with compassion/for the common man". Good job and good luck in the contest. Blessings, Lora
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Wow!! This is magnificent! It flows beautifully. A very impressive write. Take a bow, I think this is golden. Best of luck in the contest.
Jeannie
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