curtains flutter surfaced obligations
safely yawning society away,
I smirk at the challenge of your beauty
haunting the void bent on taking you hard.
let pain float across my nestled sadness
recollecting fervor like our first dance,
for I take comfort in desolation.
candied kisses slide with obscurity's
melancholy strokes that I sprawl on you
snuggling deep fears in isolation.
now let's walk silence in lucid shadows
where reality has already failed
as you rip my soul into surrender.
I can never leave you, my existence,
my fresh rose as I flirt with affliction
still praying I could cry accordingly,
tears were beaten out of me as a child.
complexity dares keeping it simple
as my trivial language bursts on screen
to remedy a confused conscience.
drift with me now against this aimless path
glancing smiles as folded hands wait to die.
Author notes
.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Plethora by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended May 30, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Very dark, this sinks its teeth into you and drags you down into the very deepest, blackest chamber of you soul, and then rips you wide open. Exquisite!!
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
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as always im so blown away by your words...thank you for entering this master piece my friend...I enjoyed just as much as I did the first time i read it
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i thought i would come and re read this one, making love to poetry, it is all good, if we love poetry it will love us back and make us dance
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You know how I feel about you as well as your writing...
This is just fantastic, one of your best and a piece of your heart and soul dear. An escape into the question of "why"
Becky
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I really enjoyed this- excellent. You have a wonderful way with words and thoughts... I'm envious! Thanks for entering this in the contest!
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WOW! This is amazing. Deep and thought provoking. Very sensual not only in a physical way but also in a mind stimulating way. Your words are very moving to a soul.
Great writing, where did Cherly Ann find you? lol
Glad she did or I'd be still missing out on your masterful work.
Love,
mystic
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Now I know. Oh my. ~Pamela
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It's absolutely beautiful. The fifth stanza struck me hard, really relate to it. And the last line...extremely vivid, extremely...extreme. It sticks an incredible image into your head, definetly a very awsome ending. Really, I could prolly find something wicked to say about every line, this poem is wickedly deep.
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your a very interesting person, i would like to get inside your head and crawl around....JOKING...that was almost as perturbed as this poem i just read, its called why i write, you may have heard of it.....oh wait, you wrote it...well, ya coulda fooled me into thinking it was Shakespeare, or one of those other really old famouse poet guys that i should bother to learn the names of...well until then i will just have to keep leaving maimed comments with large open spaces that need to be filled by information i dont know....and there it its
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Dances into the reader's mind!
Lovely lines that bespeak your romance with poetry in such marvelous ways! Images that tell us how you appreciate the language of creation! 
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so explicit and arousing. I think you just paid me back for my poem. this is awesome with such love, and a romantic flow of the why, the way you write. such beautiful passion from your soul.
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WOW
Very sensual and arousing to the mind.I love your use of words with this one.Loving your poetry and muse in such a wonderful way.One way or another we can never close within us our worst moments as our muse will bring them into the light of revelation so strongly that we have to give in to it.Bringing it into the most beautiful ending leaving me just at an awe...Kind of like Romeo and Juliet
meeting there end together.
A blessings sweetie
~Cheryl~
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Entries are flooding in and for some of them I was not prepared, including this one. That you love your muse deeply is evident, because you have decked her like a master craftsman.
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Hrm, somehow I missed this one. I'm glad I found it now though - your words are weaved so differently than most here, it's refreshing and unique.
This particular write is dark but also sweet in places, especially the beginning. The final two lines really seal it up nicely.
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Breath-taking
This is an awesome write, Iggy, very insightful. I don't know how I missed this one. Wow. by the way-I don't want you to die. Lots of things were beaten out of me, too, Iggy, I can relate. smile lol
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This is filled with emotion, very heartfelt with some very powerful imagery. this is sombre at times and very poignant. An excellent poem, heartrending and emotive!
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Oh my...... "tears were beaten out of me as a child..." This one line holds incredible pwoer within this poem... I jsut wrote the story of my life and I realized...Jesus did weep, he had to ahve..and in that was born my need and voracious want to write. Nicely done...
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wow! what a powerful
emotional, intense, and visual piece! very intriguing and your message is conveyed very well, very poetically...
wonderful use of language... A compelling and rather excellent composition!
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woww!!
you're so talented..nice image. you made really a great work!! bravo
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Man this is almost like a dark sort of love poem. Excellent and vivid imagery with bountiful metaphoric
content. This is awsome and inspiring mate, Excellent!
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YOur just so incredible arent you? lol but i mean it. YOu amaze me beyond words.
"I can never leave you, my existence,
my fresh rose as I flirt with affliction
still praying I could cry accordingly,
tears were beaten out of me as a child."
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EXCELLENT! wonderful and just love the flow of this masterpiece you have created
rift with me now against this aimless path glancing smiles, folded hands waiting to die...thank you so very much for sharing
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hehehe i am smiling here and i have not got past the first verse lol - yawning word and the last line there
an excellent poem here with a great beat, each line resting against the one before and the one to follow - and the imagery, language is superb. a good poem
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Oh what a wonderful explanation as to why your Muse is on...and churns them out....Love this..."now let's walk silence in lucid shadows
where reality has already failed
as you rip my soul into surrender." sometimes we fight it, but ultimately we have to surrender...Splendid...
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