My inner demon has been unleashed.
My human emotions, are gone...gone from me.
The untamed animal has taken over.
The necessity for blood to survive,
has turn into a carnal desire.
Beware; humans.
For I'm thirsty for your blood and fear.
As I walk through an empty land,
with the moonlight as my companion,
I come across a lost child, full of fears.
His plump neck and rosy cheeks,
increases my lust...my craving for blood.
After gaining his trust,
I pounce on his small, teddy bear-like body,
and let my fangs sink into his soft neck.
His shriek...His fears...His blood...
Fills my lust...my vampire's desires...
My human side overcomes my inner demon...
My lust and desire turns to guilt...
When I stare at him...
stare at his innocent,pale face,
his large,greenish hazel eyes,
his plump,teddy bear-like body.
Tears rolling down from my cheek...
He reminds me of my nephew...
He reminds me of being a human.
To exceed the guilt,
I cut my wrist,
letting him drink my blood...
I cry even harder,
sympathy and guilt builds in me,
when I see him in pain...dying...transform into a vampire...
Years later,I learn,
what I felt that night was not guilt...
It was loneliness...
The sympathy I thought,made him a vampire,
was not sympathy at all...It was love...
His laughter...his humor...
brightens my day.
He is the son I never had...
With him,everything seems right...
I am glad and rejoice,
I made him my dearest little vampire.
Author notes
uhm..hope you like it...
A contest entry
- biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Vampyric Pleasures~ by XxMysticalFantasyxX.
1200 points, ended August 15, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
You are a great writer the imagery was awsome!!! all the words had a great flow!!! keep writing and thank you for entering this contest! you did an awsome job at this poem!! Good luck!!
-
awww, this is so cute I really like it
-
One thing that confused me in this was the fact that you only managed to capitalise your 'I's in the second half... why not do it all the way through? It's nitpicking but it was very distracting as I read it.
You were also a little bit too... out there with a few phrases... I like to think that if you'd romanticise vampires the way this does you'd be more romantic in your wording about them.
'Beware;humans.
For i'm thirsty for your blood and fear.'
You've portrayed in these lines a vampire who is little more than a beast, she/he has no feelings, and yet later she/he shows emotion for a boy, so how can they be such an animal early on?
'So I let him sucked my bloody wrist'... a switch of tenses there, make up your mind.
I'll stop here, because the more I study this poem the more I dislike it... it's a regurgitation of hollywood with no thoughts of your own as to what this vampire may actually be feeling... they can't hunt all the time, so what do they do otherwise? This vampire who is capable of love is obviously a person as well, they aren't defined by what they are.
I love vampires, I love poetry about them, but this has little to no thought put into it.
I hope you choose to edit, you're welcome to delete this comment, but please save it somewhere and think it over.
I've been harsh, but remember, rudeness means DQ, so don't bother with any comebacks.
-
-
thank you for your comment...this is my first time writing about vampires...i know it sounded like crap...but i thought by entring this,someone might correct it...anyway,feel free to DQ my poem....or mayb i'll remove myself from the contest..anyway,could you help me with this poem? thank you...
-
-
I won't DQ it, you were polite in reply, when I'm that harsh people usually rant at me, so I was pre-empting it. If you want to work closely on this to improve it then I'm willing to do so, it won't win this contest but it will get far better with a bit of work thrown in.
-
-
ahaha! really? i dun think you'r harsh...jz say what u know is write...u actually helped me...and for that i thank you...poetry is a new thing for me...i already remove it from ur contest...and if u have time,could u guide me to repair this poem? i dunno where to start...appriciate it...thank you!
-
-
-
-
I really like this. I love vampires for some reason. This is great. It really reminds me of the vampire chronicles. I love the descriptions and everything. Great Job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
