Here I cry now, alone because
I sit upon a hand that was,
a hand of man who drowned at sea
because it wasn't meant to be.
His life was lost on a tidal wave,
a wave so strong no one could be saved.
Be saved from a storm out on the sea,
because it wasn't meant to be.
These paper boats are memories,
memories of my man at sea.
A sea where all those lost souls flee,
because it wasn't meant to be.
And water drowns my pretty dress,
my wedding dress now in a mess.
A mess now drowned in tears' sea,
because it wasn't meant to be.
Lost shadows haunt my pale blue walls,
the walls where my lost groom now calls.
He calls his sadness out to me,
because it wasn't meant to be.
Here I weep now, alone because
I sit upon a hand that was,
a hand of man who drowned at sea
because it wasn't meant to be.
Author notes
Thank you mum for finding the contest for me and for helping with my commas and full stops and captitel letters, i can't spell the word you use lol
oh....I used picture number 2
A contest entry
- Ages 13 and Under ONLY ~ Pick an Image and write what comes to mind by Amunet Wolfbane.
300 points, ended June 26, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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sad but good
Wow Jordan this is sad. Sounds like what the millions of people who suffered the occuring and aftermath of the tsunami. Quite a thorough description. You did well with this; thanks for sharing it.
Brian -
Are you sure you're only 12? Excellent write here. You have a brilliant future ahead of you
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Ah! This is so impressive! You really got me to see the images!
I'm a huge fan of the four line stanza, and I think you really did a good job using it. I like the repitition you had here too.
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When I first read this, I couldn't believe someone as young as you could write something so genuine. It's hard for me to admit, but I honestly think you are a far better poet now then me, and I can't wait to see what you will grow into.
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I really like the repetitioin in this piece myself and it flows nicely. The overall theme is captivating and it creates solid images. A well done piece indeed! :D
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Wow
I think it might've been the story behind it, the detail or how solid the poem was, but every time I come to this contest page I go to your poem first. It's captivating and I can just read it again and again. Best of luck!
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I think you have done quite a magnificent job with this poem Jordan a great take on the picture, and some beautiful imagery there! well done
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his is really good and i like it a lot. you have a lot of talent and you should definatly continue writing
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wow! this is amazing. i thought i was the only one who noticed the 'hand' part. this really explains the mood well and i LOVE how it's haunting and beautiful and sad at the same time. good luck in the contest!
♥ sasha -
oh, I like this, especially these 2 lines:
And water drowns my pretty dress
and
Lost shadows haunt my pale blue walls
great job, especially for someone so young.
Amber
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goodness~
wow. that was so awesome
I sit upon a hand that was,
a hand of man who drowned at sea
because it wasn't meant to be.
that summed up the whole thing. and then the rest of the stanzas were awesome details~
good luck
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Woops, I forgot my applause. Here you go (:
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Sad, beautiful, touching, and haunting- the lost man and his mourning wife pricked at my heart until I was ready to cry.
You certainly have a talent, so go forth and use it, please.
Very well done (:
-S -
Well done my dear
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Painfully Beautiful
This poem is sad and beautiful at the same time. It works together, not many people can capture pain and beauty in their poems and make them work together like the moon and sun. It made me appreciate what I have in life and be thankful for it. It really is wonderful.
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No need to thank me
I enjoy nurturing you (helping you to grow) You have such a poetic flare and with every write, I see your uniqueness. I teach you, yet your poetry differs from mine a great deal and that is a very good thing, for it means you have already developed your own style
I love this piece, it flows like an ocean, the calm after the storm as the lady sits in quiet contemplation, reflecting on all she has lost. I love the repetition too of the last line in every stanza, it adds an extra haunting feel.
You've done very well with this and I'm very proud of you.
Love you always,
Mum
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