Walking among the metal pyramids,
The skeletons of strange, steel hominids
Crouched deep in otherworldly slumber,
Careworn bones aged for years without number;
Under the sun these silver constructs gleam,
Washed up remnants of a viscous dream
The air was heavy with abandonment,
I shivered at the utter permanence
That none of Adam’s sons would dare disturb;
I lingered for a while there on the curb
And when I couldn’t take it any more
I left them and continued as before
I stumbled once as I was passing through
And in that moment, I remembered you
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Intersting concept
Its interesting how you portrayed a normally simple environment. Great work.
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this was amazing! this is perhaps the first poem i've seen, on this site anyways, that is not ruined by rhyme. the form is not overbearing at all. this is beautiful and i am going to bookmark this. peace
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Wow. That was a really outstanding piece of poetry, in my opinion. I especially liked how you rhymed such different and interesting words. The rhythm was a little off, but it didn't affect the overall quality of the entire poem in any way, whatsoever. My most favorite parts were probably lines three and four of stanza two, and the very last two lines, not surprisingly, though I don't really know why I prefer these few lines the most, especially since the poem was so spectacular. Great job!!
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