So many tears I never cried So many times I hid inside
remembering all those lies, feeling so falsified
so many words spoken in which you implied
meanings that weren't there and I didnt care
because I was too wrapped up in the moment
So many times I tried, only to be swept aside
remembering all the ties that now lie severed
all the times you swore we'd always be together
I guess this is that phenoma called "forever"
this loss of trust, this negation of positive sensation
this endless mind-numbing desperation
So many times I doubted self and self doubted me
lookin' back at times when I used to look and act
in a manner or fashion that just couldn't be
even at times when I tried so hard I just seemed to lack
originality, I couldnt see it was a fallacy...
So many times I've tried to break away from this
but eventually the voice inside lures me back
back to this dynamic compromise comprised
of hidden truths, blatant lies, false apologies
defiling my innocence to fit in, don't act so surprised
So many times I've found myself alone in a crowded room
revelation lying therein shattered realities become truth
I've lost sight of whats worth fighting for, hope I find it soon
So many times I've thought this is it, the end, but Im proof
that somewhere out there is a purpose beyond finding my tomb...
Author notes
For all those that feel this, keep on keepin on.
Written August 6th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel by LostInThought.
250 points, ended December 22, 2003, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The internal rhyme in the first stanza was well done, but you let it disappear later in the piece. Was there any reason? Or did you just run out of the drive to do it?
Either way, I could relate to this piece. It was well written, and had plenty of emotion. Nicely done. -
Very nice poem. I'm intrigued to what exactly happened, but as I have been there myself so many times before, I feel close to this poem.
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This is a great poem! You did such a good job, the flow and rhyming are just flawless! Perfect for my first entry to my first contest! I wish you luck and thank you so very much for entering my contest with such a wonderful poem! Happy Thanksgiving!
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excellent
i think this may be one of my favs. from you so far, though i havent read all that you have wrote, but this is really amazing, my fav. stazas of this poem are:
So many times I doubted self and self doubted me
lookin' back at times when I used to look and act
in a manner or fashion that just couldn't be
even at times when I tried so hard I just seemed to lack
originality, I couldnt see it was a fallacy...
and
So many times I've found myself alone in a crowded room
revelation lying therein shattered realities become truth
I've lost sight of whats worth fighting for, hope I find it soon
So many times I've thought this is it, the end, but Im proof
that somewhere out there is a purpose beyond finding my tomb...
this is a great poem, t/y for writing and posting this hun. ~Julzzz~ -
You draw your reader into this piece the same way they are drawn to their image in a mirror. You've picked a topic almost everyone can relate to, and the voice in the poem at times sounds like thoughts I've had at one time or another... yet I was impressed with the originality of the work. It wasn't just the vocabulary, which was refreshing. It was the tone in which you wrote your poem. "I guess this is that phenoma called 'forever'"... the piece is heartfelt and to the point, but it moves with a swift brusqueness that suggests life will most certainly move on. The underlying sarcasm is just enough to ensure there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing was overdone, and I came away feeling that you not only KNEW what you were talking about, you really understood. And for some reason, (maybe because the only thing misery likes better than company is hearing from someone that knows that misery doesn't last forever) being able to symapathize with your audience makes them feel like you've captured something absolutely brilliant... their own thoughts.
I would take note of the flow. It was very obvious you tried to set up the rythm, and at times it is a compliment to your work. The length of some lines and the beat in some parts has toppled your structure, however, and it's just enough to distract from the content. Mostly, in the third stanza, where the "what's wrong with me" seems to drag on an endless sentence. I've felt the same way, but I didn't think it helped the read.
Personally, I thought this was an excellent poem. I really liked it... and I have to say, that crowded room feeling isn't like anything else in the world, is it?
Nicely done. Keep up the work, Khrei. -
wow you truly hit the spot on this one!! one of your best works i've read!! oh look i'm the first one to comment go me! i really like the flow of this poem, very meaningful stanzas, i can totally relate to this great write...i'm truly in awe on this one...
this stanza is my fav:
So many times I tried, only to be swept aside
remembering all the ties that now lie severed
all the times you swore we'd always be together
I guess this is that phenoma called "forever"
this loss of trust, this negation of positive sensation
this endless mind-numbing desperation
thanks so much for sharing, this really was an awesome write!
pen on my friend!!
*~RiRi~*
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