There is no breeze to move the trees
Or any rain to help them grow.
Instead there is a scorching sun
And rotting soil were rivers flow.
Though one can spot the flowered groves;
The birds will chirp in great delight
And coloured buds on every bough,
Creation wakes to morning light.
And in the stillness, dark of night,
The moon drifts in the blackened sky.
Though forests shine, a glowing flame
Ignited by the firefly.
This brings to life the drowsy owl;
He hoots through night as nature's yawn.
Until the blazing sun will rise
To bring around the stifling dawn.
Author notes
Option 1: nature.
This is my contribution for the summer.
Experimenting with the iambic form ~ Iambic Tetrameter.
I don't usually write nature poems, so I'd really like your feedback on this. Even if you don't like it, I'd like to know why.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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A masterpiece
Hi Andu, how are you doing? You keep on writing great pieces of ART. How do you do that? I am so glad I have come back to read your latest work. This is really lovely. I can see all the beautiful nature before me, while reading your words. Thanks for this moment of joy. Anna.
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Excellent
This is a very good poem on summer it has great imagery and very good form.It also reminded me of Anton Buttigieg somewhat, well done and keep it up! -
nice take on the summer
there is so much weight to this... very heavy, very dark... you've conveyed this view of the season rather well.. very creative take... I enjoyed it!
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very good write
i liked your poem very much good flow to it,,, my fAV part was .... And in the stillness, dark of night,
The moon drifts in the blackened sky.
Though forests shine, a glowing flame
Ignited by the firefly. good luck in future contest,,
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This poem was very well done. Oh my gosh, I`m so awe struck that I cannot even think of a proper comment. I really felt the flow of the poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Well done! =D
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POETRY IN SUMMER MOTION.
THERE IS A FLOWING IMMEDIACY TO THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE SENCES.I IMMEDEITLY FELT I WAS READING THIS OUT OF DOORS, UNDER A TREE SOMWHERE.I DON'T LIKE TO USE THE SAME WORDS TO DESCRIBE INDIVIDUAL WRITERS. GREAT... FLOWING...GOOD WORK.I TRY TO REALLY SEE THE WRITER AS THEY PEN THE WORK. YOU PUT YOUR SOUL IN THIS AND IT SHOWS.THE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS YOU HAD BEFORE IT WAS PENNED WERE TRANSFORMED BEAUTIFULY INTO THE DEAR READERS SOUL.
HAPPINESS ALWAYS,
LOWELL POE. -
Beautiful description
A video picture of the sultry and shocking SUN in summer. Neatly crafted with apt words to suit the taste.
verse with all the sweat drops smelling differently
good going -
The rhyme flow was really nice
Great write I really enjoyed it!
Abidoodle
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Yes!
Your rhythm and rhyme hit on target, excellent! While reading, I felt like I was right there, swimming in your imagery. It seems like you do very well with nature poems, so try to write some more. You'll be surprised at how muich better they get (and if they get better than this, then you truely are talented). Good luck, and great write. -
A Beauty
This is quite an amazing and yet down right very beautifully penned poem and I really enjoyed how you just let yourself go with this poem in tune with nature and the awesome poem this is. very well penned all round and a very remarkable write as well. keep on writing and keep on penning away the words we call poetry
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I have to agree with the poets before me in saying that your rhyme, meter, and imagery was all outstanding in this. This poem just seemed to dance to life within every line, and it's nearly impossible for me to chose a favorite one. They all added so much and were relevant. The use of language was nice...not too cliche and also not too obscure and hard to follow along with. If I was forced to chose a stanza I liked the best, I would have to go with the one that spoke of nature in the twilight. The moon and firefly images were so beautiful. This was really nicely written, and the content is perfect. The only thing you may want to change, unless I'm reading this wrong or something, would be in the line "And rotting soil were rivers flow." 'Were' would be 'where'. Other than that, it's great as it is! Very nice work on this one.
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Rhyme scheme = perfect!
Flow = amazing.
Content = Wow, I was amazed. The metaphors you used were awesome. I really loved this. Yay for nature.
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You've never written nature before? Then this is pretty darned good! It really painted a picture in my head. Wonderful!
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lovely
i really like the meter you chose. you achieved it very well.
also, i really like "the stifiling dawn". very nice. -
ooh!
"There is no breeze to move the trees"
I love that line. Just with that line I felt myself lying outside, watching the trees! Beautiful!
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