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Absorb Me Mighty Thames

I watch the sunset,
over Richmond upon Thames.
twilight dusk enters the scene,
followed by dark evening.

Now I sit on the bank
of the glorious Thames.
This river absorbed Virginia Woolf,
And on this evening it will absorb me.

I move towards the beautiful Thames,
And started walking on the water.
By each step my body is drowning.
Absorb me Mighty Thames and end my enduring sufferings.

Author notes

Option 2 Picture inspire
http://aycu26.webshots.com/image/17945/2001521381679813232_fs.jpg
Richmond upon Thames: A town in Greater London

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Lost Memory
    September 18, 2007
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    interesting... im not quite sure what to say.. thanks for entering

    ~Nick


  • Northern Raven
    July 19, 2007

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    I think this poem expresses the sad thoughts and feelings of someone who is depressed and is contemplating suicide. The one thing that strikes me the most in this poem is how the person views the river. I think if someone was in such a low state of despair they wouldn’t view the river as “glorious” or “beautiful” in the way it’s implied here. I think they would view it as a means to and end, a place to end their suffering and though it might be an object of instant desire it would also be seen as a place of death. This is only my interpretation but as I live near a river and have walked by it on days when I haven’t been in the highest spirits I can only interpret it that way. I was also a little confused by the line “walking on the water” and felt it should read “in the water”. What I do like about this poem is the expression in “absorb” as it suits the piece very well.

    Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.

    Northern Raven


  • Beating gold member
    June 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the last line. Absorb me, and end my enduring sufferings. Very powerful!
    One thing though - in the last stanza, you mention Thames a bit too much. We know what you're talking about. So in the line "and started walking on water of the thames" i think you should remove the thames. That may just be me!


  • JulietteArielle
    June 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting, tho I cant say I understand what this is really about.
    The last stanza repeats "Thames" too much & in a way that is just plain annoying.


  • cadm14
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thanks for your entry, it's a great piece. however, you did not read the rules -- you did not the option number in your author notes. i am disqualifying you. sorry.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think you can pair this down. You have "then" at least three times, and, now - unnecessary words. "comes" is a weak verb. The -ing verbs are also weak. Your title is greak, but I would take out the word "the".

    For example: verse 1(I am sure you can find more interesting language for "moves and replaced" - This is an example of how you can trim out the excess.

    I watch the sunset
    over Richmond upon Thames.
    twilight dusk moves through,
    replaced by dark evening.

  • Leaving Today
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is suicidal. I liked the way you made Thames as "Mighty". This is sad and the last line is actually best to describe the situation. By the way, I did not know about Virginia Woolf's death. Did she commit suicide?

    • Sabir Abdus Samee
      June 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your valuable comment.Virginia Woolf committed suicide in 1941.She drowned her self in the river Thames.


  • Shapla
    June 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Immensely sad poem. Don't know why but it reminded me about "The Sound and The Fury".

1 - 13 of 13