It was New Year's Eve
and we were driving
to the next party on our list.
You'd a beer, and another
you were starting to ramble.
And I turned onto the highway
smelling the liquor from your breath.
Something about loving me
(lips of an angel plays in the distance)
something about Brittany
then I focus in.
"I may go back to her
but not anytime soon.
I love her but she fucked up"
And like a pistol fired next to my ear
I heard the words
no one ever should have to here.
And you rambled on as I made the turn
and came to a halt in her driveway.
I turned off the lights
and reached for the handle
then looked back your way
you took my hand and pulled me close
then kissed like you always had
and I could taste the beer on your lips.
And you opened your door
and I did mine
and I could taste it still.
We went into the party
and Megan handed my a bottle.
(Black Cherry was all I had to hear)
I drank it down
still hearing those words
ringing like a pistol in my ears.
Author notes
I'm not sure this is what your looking for but its what you get. He cheated on me 5 days later with Brittany then the weekend before V-day with another girl got back with me the 16th of Feb which was my birthday then cheated on me again Monday and ended us again. That night I should have ended it but I didn't and that kiss is still on my lips. And I can't drink beer because of it.
A contest entry
- DELIRIOUS KISS by MercyMe.
700 points, ended June 8, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
hey, gr8 poem i liked the faint trace of rhyme. really emotional im srry it didnt work out but sounds like u can do better anyway hun. keep it up xx oh and to the comment below.. lol some pple are so pathetic who the hell dz she think she is? 'try a creative writing class'? lol, ok maybe wen she gets a life..hha wat a twat *x*x*x*
-
-
Thanks I found her stuff funny. surprisingly it did work out. Were moving in together currently. And as to that girl. She's just sad.
-
-
And like a pistol fired next to my ear
I heard the words
no one ever should have to here.
You used the wrong 'hear'. Try learning grammar.
This poem is extremely juvenile in nature and really doesn't have any depth of emotion. I suppose you were trying to convey heartbreak, but in the midst of spelling mistakes and bad word choice, that was lost to oblivion.
You might want to try a creative writing class. -
-
I'm so sorry I didn't check myself and don't really care since I'll check before I do anything with this. I don't care if its Juvenile because its what I wrote when I wrote it. We all write some put there best and some keep there best for other places.
-
-
These memories are raw. The pain is still new, at least that is what it seems to me when I read this.
Cheaters...who needs them.
Good luck and thanks for the write/memories.
Peace/mia
-
wow nol....wow...wow... sad thing is i remember that night like it was yesterday...im sorry hunni... i love you like no other...just call and ill be there... This is an amazing poem...Beautifully written!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
