All I Wanted To Do Was Live

I wake up in the dark once again.
Why do I hope for anything different?
I twist uncomfortably in my suit.
This suit is made for protection,
But its' protection is killing me.
Diminishing my spirit.
Smothering my imagination.
It's suppose to let me live.
So why do I feel like I've already died?
I feel like I'm just a ghost.
Still here but not real.

It's Thursday today.
Visitors Day.
My family will be here soon.
These days always make me sad.
Don't get me wrong
I love my family
My goofy dad and down-to-earth mom
Jasmine-my VERY fashionable sis
My little brother Jack
He's going to be a starving artist someday.
They're the perfect family,
Except they have one problem
Me.
I'm their burden.
I don't really consider myself
To be part of their family.
Just look at their family portrait.
Look at all the framed picture hanging on the wall.
Do you ever see me?
No.
No record of my existence is there.
I'm just a myth.
They believe I'm real,
But they have no proof.
The intercom comes on overhead.
"Ms. Courtney,"
It's Walter- one of the nurses who work here.
"Yes?" I call back.
"Your family is here, Ms. Courtney."
"Thank you."
Here they come.
*creek* The door to my room opens
"Hello?"
"Hey Mom."
Okay, so I'm a little less than excited to see them.
She grabs me and gives me a big hug.
Through my suit
I can feel her warmth.
Then here comes dad.
He puts his arms around us both
Grabs us tight
And lifts us two feet in the air.
Good ol' Dad.
"Why, hello to you too, Dad."
"Hey, baby girl. What's shakin'?"
"Dad!" Jasmine interupts,
"Nobody says 'What's shakin' anymore."
"Hi Jasmine."
"Hey baby sis."
We hug.
"Oh, it's so good to see you again." she says.
"You too" I answer.
"Okay, my turn!" Jack chimes in.
"Alright, come here."
He runs to me
And jumps into my arms
"I missed you a whole lot, Courtney."
"I missed you too."
"Look, Courtney! I drew you a picture."
"Why it's beautiful! What's this?"
"That's a tree!"
"Oh right! I remember, you've drawn them before!
And what are these?"
"Those are flowers.
They be the most beautifulest things in the world!"
"Really? They sound wonderful!" I comment.
"And these are butterflies, right?"
"You got it, dude!" He says with a thumbs up.
I look up now
To see the rest of my family watching us.
They all are looking peaceful.
"Well, thank you, Jack.
I'll be sure to put it on my wall
with all the others."
I place the picture on my desk
Then turn again to my family.
"So...what have the rest of you
been up to?"
"Well" Jasmine starts off.
"Scott and I broke it off 2 days ago."
"Oh Jasmine. I'm sorry."
"I'm not. He was such a dork!" she adds.
"But on the bright side,
I'm the new head cheerleader!"
"Wow! Congradulations!"
"Thanks! It's totally awesome!"
I really am happy for her.
I know it's something I'll never get to do.
Now it's Mom's turn.
She starts going on and on
about her vegetable garden.
Sometimes she'll suprise me
and bring me a carrot.
They really taste magnificent!
And the way she gets all excited
when she talks about it
makes me want to start a garden too.
But when I listen to her talk about it
I always hear
the one word I'm afraid of
SUNLIGHT
That's one of the key ingredients
to perfect vegetables.
Oh well.
That's her area of expertise
"So all in all
My crops are looking pretty good." she finishes.
"That's great Mom."
I try to say happily.
"What about you, Dad?" I asked.
"Oh not much has changed for me.
The animals are doing great!"
(He's an animal trainer!)
"Well, sounds like everythings okay!"
Silence falls upon us.
After a few seconds, Mom cuts in.
"Courtney," She speaks softly,
"There's something your father and I...
well, there's something we need
to talk with you about."
As if planned
Jasmine and Jack immediantly leave the room.
Their heads are hanging low.
Now it is just us three.
Mom and Dad looked at their shoes.
I wondered what this news could be.
What could make them look so sad?
Then Dad looked up.
"Baby girl," he started to say,
"We want you to know
We love you.
We tried to give you
The best life possible.
We're sorry you had to live
this way for so long.
But I'm afraid..."
He's starting to get choked up.
Tears start to fall from his eyes
"I'm afraid that...
it will all be over soon."
Now the tears are streaming
down his face.
He puts his hand to his head
Trying to hide.
Mom's eyes are pouring too
And so are mine.
But I don't completely understand why.
"Courtney" Mom's voice was breathy.
"The doctors...they say
you don't have long.
I mean, not long before you...before you..."
"Before I die" I say finishing her sentence.
My head starts spinning
My mind is racing
I expected this, and yet
It took me by suprise.
So there we were
Packed together
Holding each other close
And crying a flood of tears.
For ten minutes we said not a word
Until I broke through our cries.
"Mom.....Dad......
Please,
I want to go outside...without my suit."
"What!?" Mom said taken by suprise.
"Why?...What?...How? NO!
You can't!
Outside....Your without your suit...That's..certain DEATH!"
"Please, Mom!" I begged.
"I don't want my last days
lived inside a prison.
I want to be free."
"You don't know what you're saying!
Courtney! This isn't some game
This is LIFE and DEATH!"
"Mom! In here
I am not living!
This is not a life!
This is a prisoner's cell!"
Now she grew to hysterical
to even speak.
"Baby girl, please don't do this." Dad pleaded.
"Dad, this is my one request.
I don't want anything more
Than to experience life
as it was meant to be.
Please! That's all I want."
I pleaded to him with my eyes.
After a few minutes
He said
"Yes."
And that was it.

Friday morning I woke
in the light!
No uncomfortable suit!
Just plain clothes!
I walk downstairs
and tried to find the kitchen.
I walked in,
greeted Mom, Dad, and Jasmine
(Jack was still asleep),
and I had my first breakfast
with my family!
Later Jasmine and I went to the mall.
We went to the book store.
She knew I loved to read.
She had brought me many books.
She told me to go ahead
and have an adventure.
She would meet me at the entrance when I was done.
Then I was set free.
To wander through
Thousands and thousands of books!
I was amazed by all the books!
So amazed, in fact,
That I tripped over a magazine rack
And spilled it's contents
All over the floor.
"Pick that up!" A snotty sales person barked.
"Sorry!" I said laughing.
I bent down and scrambled to collect the magazines.
"Let me help you." A gentle voice said.
"Oh, thanks." I said not even looking up.
"I have to say
That was one of the best falls
I've seen all day."
I laugh and turned to look at him
and OH MY GOSH!!!
All of a sudden
I was filled with a mixture of emotions
Shy, but brave
Scarred, yet happy
I didn't know what to call it!
But whatever it was
It was great!
So we finally got the magazines back in order
"Well, thanks." I said.
"No problem." He replied.
"By the way, I'm Harry."
"Courtney."
"Nice to meet you, Courtney."
"You too." I replied shyly.
"Hey, um, you wanna grab a coffee?"
"A what?"
"You don't know what a coffee is?
Where are you from?
Jupiter?"
"Almost" I said with a smile.
This makes him laugh.
Which makes me laugh.
"So, how about that coffee?"
"Sure, but my sisters here."
"That's okay. She can come too."
"Great! Just let me grab her."
So I grab Jasmine and we three head out for coffee
Whatever that is.
When we got there Harry ordered and paid for us!
Can you believe that!?
He bought "coffee" for two people he didn't even know!
So we talked and laughed and drank to our hearts content.
The coffee was really bitter.
Who in the world would want to drink this stuff?
We had a great conversation about books.
But when the coffee was gone
He had to leave too.
So we said goodbye.
But before he went off, he wanted to talk to me alone.
"What? What is it?" I asked.
"Courtney...I just..well..
I think you're a really great person
And I was wondering..you wanna do this again, tomorrow?"
"Yes!" I say without even thinking.
"Okay! Cool! So 2 o'clock okay?"
"Um, yeah, sure!"
Then we said goodbye
and I headed back to rejoin my sister.
"Wow, you really like him don't you."
"What?" I said.
"You like him alot."
"What do you mean? No I don't."
"Courtney, I've seen that grin
too many times to count."
"So."
"You like him."
"Okay I like him. And since you know
You will be driving me here
So I can meet him tomorrow at 2 o'clock."
"AAAWWWWWWWWW!
Courtney and Harry
Sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.."
"Oh, shove off."

Saturday morning I wake up
in the light once again!
As soon as I eat breakfast
I'm escorted to my sisters room
for "some major fixing up".
My sister starts running around
picking out clothes
making me try them on
tilting her head to one side
deciding she didn't like it
then running around some more
and on and on....
Finally she decide on a light blue t-shirt
and some regular old blue jeans.
It was "Perfect" as she says.
Next she starts throwing all this
relationship advice at me.
Seriously, she could write a book!
Finally, it comes time for my "date"
I arrive at the coffee shop at exactly 2 o'clock.
There he is
just sitting there
I stare at him as if in a trance.
Finally he sees me
"Hey, you're here!"
"Hi." (Hi, that's all I could say, how lame!)
"I got you a chocolate milk
since I could tell you weren't enjoying the coffee."
"Oh! Thanks!" I say as I sit down
"So how are you?"
"I'm great! How about you?"
"Oh I'm great now that your here."
This makes me blush.
"What's that on your arm?
Looks like you're getting a rash."
"Oh yeah that's probably it.
I'll make sure to take care of it
When I get home."
"Alright.
So I have to tell you about what happened to me yesterday..."
He launches in to this story
about a blind date his friend set him up with.
Why he had to say "blind" I don't know
That seems kind of mean to me.
Like, do you have a problem with blind people?
"So anyways, I just got tired of her vain talk
And I said 'You should probably know
I already have a girlfriend."
At this my heart sinks.
He already has a girlfriend?
What am I?
"Hey, are you okay?" He asks showing concern.
"You already have a girlfriend?"
"Well, yeah... you."
This makes us both blush
But then I realize something
What the heck am I doing?
I'm going to be dead in a matter of days.
I can't do this to him
just lead him on
And then die.
That's just mean.
"Hey Harry.
I have to tell you something."
"What? What is it?"
"Harry I can't see you anymore."
"What? Why?"
Now I'm crying
"I..I just can't...
Please, you have to understand.."
"No don't do this!
I really like you."
Now he's crying.
"I really like you too.
but I can't do this to you.
Please, just take me home.
Please."
"Okay," he says with a sad sigh,
"I'll take you home."
When I got home I went straight to my room
And cried 'till I fell asleep.

Sunday morning I woke up
I was so tired
The sickness was taking its' toll
The rash had began to consume my whole body.
When I opened my eyes.
There was Jasmine
sitting at the foot of my bed.
"Okay, Courtney, what happened."
So I tell her the truth
How I loved him, but I didn't want to hurt him
"I just wish he had known the truth."
"Wow, how you went through hell
your first two days in this world
I'll never know."
"Please don't tell Mom."
"Don't worry, I won't."
So Jasmine brought me breakfast
And comforted me throughout the day.
Around 1 o'clock
The doorbell rang.
I could hear them talking through the walls.
"What are you doing here?" That was Jasmine.
"Where is she? I have to see her!" That was Harry.
"I'm sorry, Harry. You can't."
"Please, I have to see her. I love her!"
"Wow... Okay I'll let you see her
But as soon as she wants you to leave
You're out of here, understand?"
"I understand."
Then my door gently swings open.
"Courtney?"
"Hi Harry." I say in my weak voice.
"What happened to you?"
"I'm sick Harry."
"But you'll get better soon, right?"
He gives me a look of such innocent worry.
"No Harry, I'm...dying."
He starts to cry and I do too.
I stretch out my hand
and grab his arm.
"I'm so sorry." I say.
"No. Don't be sorry.
Loving someone means never having so say you're sorry."
"I love you, Harry."
"I love you, too, Courtney."
"Harry, will you do me a favor."
"Sure. What is it?"
"I've never been kissed.
Will you be my first,
And last kiss, Harry."
"Of course."
Then he bends down and
He kisses me with such passion.
I close my eyes
I can feel his tears fall on my face.
"Thank you." I say
and then fall into my never waking slumber.
"Mom! Dad!" Jasmine starts calling.
"What? What is it?" Mom says entering the room.
"No...NO!
Courtney! Courtney!"

My funeral is nice.
I watch it from the heavens.
At the end I saw my mom and sister talking
"By letting her outside, we killed her." Mom said.
"No Mom, you're wrong.
By letting her out we let her live."