He slept,
a sense of wanting
beneath his head,
like a pillow of stones.
Finding fitful sleep,
speaking a name aloud;
in familiar reflexes.
Her plane was late, no cabs,
stood for an hour waiting.
Closer to dawn, now,
closer to him, too.
His dreams were difficult,
often about getting off a train
in a strange town,
searching for a woman he had never seen,
for reasons that were never clear.
Said I would not come back.
It was worse without him,
need to know that someone loves me;
in the night, in the dark empty spaces.
His night seemed like a void.
But it was filled with his deeper thoughts,
like dark matter, they held his world together.
The emptiness gave it all shape and form.
Six in the morning, the door,
keys scratching on the locks.
Opening into rays of rosined skies
light blue halo around the glowing orange,
warming, flowing into the creases of the room.
He awoke to a bright and surprising sunrise,
or, maybe that was just her smile.
Author notes
Option two- vulnerability
Dark Matter
the myterious and unseen material that in theory accounts for the vast majority of the universe, it does not reflect light and thus it is called dark matter.
A contest entry
- 1,000 POINTS...THREE OPTIONS by Dalaney.
1000 points, ended June 9, 2007, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I was reading this to see
Why another was not gold, not mine by the way.
I read and understand, well, well deserved GOLD.
Buddy
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Excellent
Very well written and great images. Congrats on your gold win.
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The light within this dark!
breathtaking, Pkid...The imagery powerful, movement like a foreign film (honestly the best films). Enchanting, with depth and a severe clarity! I can see the cinematography, the direction-excellent! Oh, congrats on the GOLD...well deserved. Smile!
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The distinct thoughts going back and forth throughout gives this read a flow of charisma. This was almost like watching a film, the visuals were that strong.
I did stumble a bit at "It was the emptiness, somehow gave it all shape and form" as the line seemed to disrupt the flow and I just wanted to reword it and shorten it a bit. The ending is supreme and brings a much desired feeling. It's going to be a happy ending if only for a short while. Blue
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Thank you Blue
for your kind words and most helpful comments, and especially for the gentle edit. I will try that and thank you for your suggestion ...PK
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The ending was really lovely.
I liked:
"Opening into rays of rosined skies
light blue halo around the glowing orange,
warming, flowing into the creases of the room."
Best of luck
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i like this. theres tons of feeling in there. tons to grab on to. although it does seem to be a mixture of voices or something - i dont know. interesting. overall, a nice job with writing this. enjoyed the read. good luck in the contest.
blu
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Lost, alone but ever hopeful in the end, such a wistful thought at the end made me smile Love, C
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From the darkest of nights he awoke to a ray of sunshine or maybe it was her smile! Amazing lines for such a darker side of a tale of love! ~Sie
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PK...this is brilliant! It describes vulnerability to a tee and great loneliness and longing too. The end is hopeful and pulls the piece together perfectly. Well done with this and good luck in the contest
Laura
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