Nothing matters
Not you, not me
And nothing changes that.
And nothing is seen
When, through blurred vision,
I miss your departure
If only,
I could watch.
Look again at the times.
But how?
When it's those times I don't recall
Until now
When, thinking harder,
I learned the story
Of what led us to today
And why it feels so far off.
I don't know
How,
Or why.
That time between then
And much before now
A time after one,
Before another
Through quick glance,
I felt empty
And just recently looking closer
Have come to see that it was you,
Taking the place,
Erasing the void.
Just now I learn
That which I always wanted
Was you,
A friend,
One that does not leave,
One of the best to ever be mine.
But with that I leave it
No longer my own
No one can hang on forever
And inside I know,
This must be goodbye.
A contest entry
- Stun Me by realism-vs-romance.
600 points, ended May 27, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8.75 – Not a bad title, but a little bland for the poem content.
Poem Flow: 8.5 – All caps and sporadic/misplaced punctuation made for a pretty choppy read. You’ll want to revise this for a smoother read
Depth: 9.5 – Great depth. Nice impact.
Emotional Impact: 8.5 - Because I had a difficult time following the flow, I had a hard time attaching myself to the emotional part of this piece
Spelling and Grammar: 9.85 – Spelling is spot on, but I think some of the grammar might have been a little cleaner.
Punctuation and Caps: 7 – Why all caps on every line? Also, you need to add punctuation to your poem and reconsider where you did add punctuation.
Presentation: 8.75 – Nice job.
Personal Appeal: 8 – I think the content is great, but the genre isn’t one that appeals to me much. I like where you took it, however!
My score: 68.85/80.00
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thanks for your comment, I think the grading system was really helpful. And I just thought I'd tell you that I'm really not sure why I use caps on each line but I've always done that and I can't really stop... it's like an OCD thing :-/
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When i read the title, I was like oooh...a dirty write...lol. But this was great! I love how you convey emotion and imagery! Thanks for this share!
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haha, I laughed when I read that =)
you won't get many dirty writes from me =P
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a really strong write here. great emotion and reflection. a pleasure to read
thanks for entering my contest and best of luck!
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this is really good. really sad and full of emotion. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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It's a very hard thing to do, much easier said than done. You've captured this emotion quite well. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Life is full of tricks isn't it?
This nicely done and I can easily relate to it.
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Its hard to let go belive me i know.. and even harder when you thought you let go and then realize you never did! Thank you for your entry and good luck!
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nice write, i enjoyed reading this piece, thanks for your entry
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Congratsulations on the HM. This is beautiful and as I read along I couldn't help but think how lovely it would look if presented with line breaks or stanzas. I realize it is free verse, but sometimes presentation is the key. First impressions or something. But like I said, it is beautiful. Thank you for entering.
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Very good job. i like it, it speaks of a dark past.
thanks for entering!
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definitely a different story, though some parts are less explained [or maybe i am just an idiot and dont get them]. well written though
~WU -
Deep thought! Excellent write. I had the same thing happen in my life.
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