A Burning Cigarette
A lighter,
a flame,
ashes,
smoke,
burning...
A slow process
of destroying a gift
be it your lung,
or your world.
A truth,
a symbol,
never noticed!
Alighted by a simple spark
the world is aflame!
People, the useless ashes,
dropping bit by bit
to the ground, like nothing!
Cities smoking,
the world is burning!
A man takes a cigarette
to ease his pain?
To relieve his stress?
To show off?
May be.
Destroying his lungs in the process.
A lighter,
a flame,
ashes,
smoke,
burning...
The world is just a cigarette.
By: Nada Adel Sobhi
Author notes
It is both about smoking and wars and a comparison between them.. they are not very different.. the repeated stanza fits both ideas.
A contest entry
- SMOKING KILLS by Haunted-Memory.
4500 points, ended June 18, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any... old or new thing ...at all! ...ANYTHING EVERYBODY!!!! by wendymolly.
750 points, ended June 16, 132 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Appreciation Day 2007 by Kimojuno.
1000 points, ended September 14, 2007, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
-
nice work, they are both the same.both are also run by corruption and greed...
perhaps a shift is coming
-
oh i like this poem very much!!! so much story behind such a seemingly simple object
-
Takes a drag, exhales... Yup, I agree. Smoking kills. Interesting write.
-
_Yes_ Creativity / Originality
_Yes_ Imagery
_Yes_ Metaphor
_Yes_ Emotion
_Yes_ Reaction
_Yes_ Relatability
_Yes_ Fluency
_No_ Powerful Beginning
_No_ Powerful Middle
_Yes_ Powerful Ending
_Yes_ Connecting Ideas
_Yes_ Interesting Idea Behind Piece and/or a Message Behind Piece
_Yes_ Interesting In General (Does Not Bore) -
The imagery of this poem is very wonderful, I like how you through together two things, and brought that even though you talked about a burning cigarette it could also stand for the wars and how mankind not only tries to better themselves but also keeps them back. Mankind is not kept back by anyone but their own kind, despite where we are raised, or even how we are raised, there is always one underlining factor - our pride. It is that pride which causes our wars and our fights, it is that pride which keeps us from truly ever understanding what we are meant to be.
Great job and thank you for entering,
Jeff. -
Congrats on the HM you won with this. I enjoyed it alright, it was good, but it was not great. I have had read better. I suppose that is what kills this, the fact that it is good, but better pieces have been entered. To make judging easier, since I do not think this will win, hope you understand.
Chelsea
-
Hi my lovely Nooni
Although I have been away from AP and rarely had chance of reading poetry, I read this poem of you which you sent me by mail. Sorry for not replying to your thought-proving work early.
As others said and you know yourself, this is really a good poem you penned. Ahsantom! And thanks for sharing with us
~Massy~
-
this is great1 urafinalist!
-
I think you are a fantastic writer and I enjoyed this poem immensely honey. Great job as always! Keep up the amazing work, you always inspire me to be a better writer!
Hugs Nicole xoxoxoxo
-
I LOVE the write, I LOVE THE BACKGROUND TOO! This rocks! The overall effect of it is awesome~
-
: )
This was lovely. It was powerful, persuasive well done. I liked how you said that the world is a cigarette. Well-done.
-
wow, really powerful and persuasive, i loved how you occasionaly jabbed things at the reader in a confident way and your theories are awesome! write on girl, loved the poem!
-
wow. this is really great.
the background is cool. it actually makes my screen look like its on fire. lol
but anyways this poem is great. -
I dig, as a smoker I've thought of this type of analogy many times..... Awesome of you to put it into words.
-
holy crap...I loved it! i think a good friend of mine would appreciate this poem as well. my my,
I love that analogy. that rocks. i thoroughly enjoyed reading your expressionism. very well written and a wonderful point. it was not so much the poem I liked (though I did like the the poem A LOT) but the meaning behind it.
very well done, keep it up.
all my best wishes to you,
>>>>gaiascully<<<<
(alese)
the world is on fire
in so very many ways...
-
Wow, I think I should speask of the background first.Its the most beautiful I have ever seen.It really is amazing, th flames look hot(both meanings)
Your poem caught my attention coz I'm a smoker myself but I'm trying to quit.I started just to show off.Now I hate myself for it.
Your thoughts are well penned here.
Its a winner.Best of luck.
Tessa
-
i have a friend who smokes, and i think im gunna get her to read this because it realy sends a strong message! i love the comparison of smoking and war !! great job!
-
After reading this, I really think I should stop smoking! A wonderful comparison between love and war. I like this. Good luck in the contest!
-
I would have never have thought of comparing smoking to wars, but I also would have no idea about the war comparison from the poem itself--just the authors note
-
A fantastic poem.
I love the theame and the smoking kills message is expressed with your words.
I particularly liked your list of smoking elements that speeded up the poem and gave it and interesting beat and tone to the piece.
"A lighter,
a flame,
ashes,
smoke,
burning..."
"Alighted by a simple spark
the world is aflame!
People, the useless ashes,
dropping bit by bit
to the ground, like nothing!
Cities smoking,
the world is burning!"
I love your language and continuous metaphorical imagery is very vibrant like the flames you are kindling.
that the whokle world is suffering a hell on earth that burns brighter than the sun. wow.
"A man takes a cigarette
to ease his pain?
To relieve his stress?
To show off?
May be.
Destroying his lungs in the process."
I like your accidental rhyme here it fits really well with process and stress.
I also love the way you emhasise the importance of our bodies and how we should look after them.
I also enjoy reading the way people use cigarettes to relieve their own pain but cause pain to others and the fact that some people use smoking as an accessory for popularity.
"The world is just a cigarette."
I love this last line. It is short, to the point, well emphasised and self explanatory.
its a genious write well done.:
-
Hmmm...... almost enough to make me put out my cigarette. Very nice write. Keep writting you are an amazing poet.
-
Great Poem and you're right! There isn't much of a difference between smoking and wars!!!
Cynn -
good poem. i really enjoy the connection between smoking and war. you're right they really aren't that different and it's displayed very well in this piece.
-
damn you made me feel bad because I smoke : ) I wanna quit one day. I really love the double metaphor of this piece. It's brilliant too me, to show how a ciggaret is just like war, buth ignited by something only to destroy, damage and take lives but the time the last puff of smokes fades into nothing in the air. Truly an amazing poem
-
Very interesting. A antismoking campaign in poetry. A well written poeme at that. I am definetly impressed. nice work
-
wow
dewd this is good! it's like the perfect description of smoking. i love the imagery!
-
You laid the similarities on pretty thick. In no way is that a bad thing however. I had never thought of smoking in any other sense than a person and a cigarette. It made me think of other similarities between the two, like addiction. We all know cigarettes are addictive and it seems this world is addicted to war. Good write!
-
goodnessss........
zap!
i a totally zapped.
and it's all your fault.
*stumbles around* too much talent... too much talent, i think i might have to go and kill myself
well well, enough flatteries for this one poem~ you have plenty more that i have to praise~
i think i met you somewhere... i forget though. i have an entry on your page and this doesn't have anything to do with the poem... ehem~!
wow. i always thought as the world as a bubble. good things there, good things gone. etc... but your smoking this seems to fit the world way better then my theory, and it's even better cause it can fit into a society contest as well as that smoking contest~ *yay*
-
Stupendous, extremely powerful
My dear i got your comparison but the words and comparisons are genius and so great, i love them
"A slow process
of destroying a gift
be it your lung,
or your world."
yes one forgets that our life and our bodies are gifts, and the biggest gift with all its bounties offered to us is the world, nevertheless destructive as we are we destroy them in all means, not only that humans are self destructive
"Alighted by a simple spark
the world is aflame!
People, the useless ashes,
dropping bit by bit
to the ground, like nothing!
Cities smoking,
the world is burning!"
right and philosophical again, one spark, one simple spark and the world with all it has including the worthless humans with all their histories and petty stories are reduced to ashes. and voila THE END
beautiful, philosophical and great line of thinking and logic. very realistic.
kudos
-
'was amused by this piece...original idea of compare smoking and groups of people fighting...yeah, both destroy....hmmm, im a smoker though...
-
I really liked what this had to say it it puts forth the many things that go through my own mind, each time I try to quit, perhaps it will give me more inspiration to do just that,
Thanks for sharing,
Love and Light
Frozentearz -
NICE!!!
i love it,
very true and deep!
=]
well done!
-
Hi Nooni,
What a great read this is!! And you are right, the repeated stanza fits well for both ideas!! Great job on this one!! Best of luck in the contest!! Keep that pen flowing!
-
Insightful
This was an insightful poem. when reading this poem as a smoker I realise what i am doing not only waisting money by letting it go up in smoke but also hurting myself in the proses. a really good poem thanks for entering it into my contest good luck Brian. -
Great comparison. In all the stupid things I've dine in my life, lol, I am proud to say smoking a cigarette is not one of them.
I like the repeated stanza in this, it works well.
-
Great comparison. I love the way you formed this.
Have a wonderful day,
FallenPoeticAngel
-
This is wonderfully creative. I like that you say the world is JUST a cigarette...the extra word makes it that much more powerful. Lovely write.
-
i really enjoyed this even though i am a smoker...but it was still wonderfully written
-
This is very deep! I think it was a very interesting write!
-
I like your comparision here. It is one that is very out of the box yet it fits perfectly. i particularily like the lines:
People, the useless ashes,
dropping bit by bit
to the ground, like nothing!
I think that is a very strong image and is a perfect analogy. -
We~ Interesting comparison. To be addicted, addicted to anything. It not only applies to the world, it is a metaphor that applies to everything, for as each passing cigarette burns, so does another habit slowly rape and murder the living.
-
Eh, That poem just make my guilt of smoking sink deeper, if I have only not smoked for 5 years it certainly would have been better for both me and my family. Anyway, it's a nice poem, the way you mixed up the two subjects is very good and flowing well. Keep it uo!
-
First off, I really do like the way you compared smoking to war / conflict. I do have to say this though, I know a few people who have died due to smoking related and to war, my uncle passed this weekend due to smoking and my cusion died last week in Irack. any way great write none the less....Great job
-
This makes me want a cigarette. Lol. But this is really a thought-provoking, metaphorical, beautiful write that really deserves some credit. Great job! ♥ Erin xx
-
the repeated stanza definitely fits both ideas. in a way, the part about the war could also be taken as a smoker.
Cities smoking,
the world is burning!
this part makes me think of the many people lost by smoking. i nearly lost my step grandfather because of it. good poem.
-
Hmmm, very interesting metaphor, I'm impressed at the way you draw the similarities. A very effective picture. I like the way you bring this forth in your poem, presenting your ideas and questions at the beginning and end, and then writing the core of the poem in the centre stanza. It leaves the reader with a good taste, and it an effective method and thought provoking.
Anyway, great work, i really enjoyed this, Well done!
-
I really like the imagery you use, and the metaphor of the cigarette. I really like "A slow process/of destroying a gift/be it your lung,/or your world." One quick thing to watch for is to change the "may be" to "maybe" without a space in between. Other than that, nice work!
-
Fact is my mom quit smoking shortly before she died of a non-related illness, I still haven't... both quit or died. Perhaps I'd see the cigarette as more of the antidote to the world, relaxing, quieting, pensive and calming, but in the end we're going to die... whether the smoke kills us, or the world kills us.... or nowadays perhaps it's the more sanitary antidepressents that will do the job. (Ever notice how every time smoking declines anti-depressant useage goes up? I'd like to see a world with 'no prozac' zones, just for my own amusement of course.)
But to the poem, it's an interesting analogy, that shows thought and makes one think. As a prog-lyrical poet, I can't comment on the form, but the read was overall smooth and comfortable. Nice job overall.
Rainbows,
~RJ~ -
May I just say here that war suck!
Great analogy. I was first put off by the smoking, as its not something that I enjoy, but I defiantly came around to the message after reading the poem. Again, great job. Keep it up.
with
Creatress
-
I liked the idea of this... unfortunately I have to remove it from the contest because it exceeds the line limit, which is 30.
I definitely encourage you to enter a shorter poem!
Elizabeth -
I really like the comparisons in this poem. You compare people to cigarettes and that works well. The use of rhetorical questions is brilliant. Great job here
-
great poem
i agree with this poem i liked it alot -
Smoke um if you got um boy! The world is going to hell in a hand basket for sure. Sad truth on both accounts. Great piece with guilt attached.Can you make it pop up on my page say, every 5 to 10 minutes. As a smoking deterent please. I'm thinking of seeing a hypnotist. But doubting it's going to work.
-
WOW "the world is just a cigarette " eh el wise ass elli enti fi dah lol i love it truly love it so true and although i smoke sometimes n cigarettes means to me but well ur view ur words r amazing loved it keep on rocking n gdluck in ur exams
Adding your comment:
1 - 54 of 54
