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untitle poem

i'm so lost in my mind
been so numb that a single
tear won't drop
i've been hold all this inside
the pain that hides
if i could i would
take that razor
but i made a promise


So I hold all this
That you won't even see my smile
I hide it for my good
For only a little while


thing been going wrong
for some time

unfinished




Author notes

with some help with CrimsonAndRed . thanks again

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Morphine Mayhem
    February 8, 2008
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    I really like this, It speaks more than just the words you type. It can portray where you have lived in a shaded gray area for some time in your life, Where the rouch patches were harder than others noticed. Trying so hard to keep a promise you wanted to keep but it hurts more to not cut than it does to keep your promise. Very deep. good job


  • Jessica Lyndsay
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this is a great write!! I love the deepness and the darkness!! You did a wonderful job!! Keep up the good work and feel free to check out my page anytime!! Jess


  • AmiNicole
    July 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good write. I like the way you ended it, it makes the reader want to know more. This poem even seems like it could be unfinished. Good job. I did notice that in the fourth line you put "hold" when I think you should have put "holding", other than that...great job.


  • Nuclear
    June 6, 2007

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    Instead of "I took a promise", maybe something along the lines of:

    I took an oath.
    or
    I made a promise.


    Nice write.


  • TwiztidMaggot
    June 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    it was no problem girl! glad to help any poet and friend in need! it's great!


  • TwiztidMaggot
    June 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it was no problem girl! glad to help any poet and friend in need! it's great!


  • the-gifted
    June 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hmm very good work. i like it. very deep and dark. i hope this isnt about you though. cutting is a very difficult thing to deal with. if it is you may always talk to me if you need to. sometimes it is a last resort and in a way nessarsary but alot of times it isnt.

  • TwiztidMaggot
    June 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    this is pretty good so far.

    on the first line, I think it should be "I'm" rather than "I've" that would make a little more sense... This seems to be really good so far... "So I hold all this
    That you won't even see my smile:
    I think a good line to add to taht would be something like
    "I hide it for my good
    For only a little while"
    something like that.. I don't know if that sounds good or not... but yeah, so far it's coming along good...

1 - 8 of 8