There was a time when I wanted you to go away
But after your departure life goes astray
Now I feel so much I had within me to say.
Without you words are lost
My tunes are vanished in the ocean of sorrow that is so vast.
Now I sit alone talking with my loneliness
Empty and hollow trying to paint your face.
All my lyrics are gone with you
Now I fail to play my guiter in tune.
No tempo do I find in me now
You became my heavenly muse I don't know how.
It is my fault I know that I couldn't recognize
Now I don't have the right to apologize.
My silence cries in pain and begs to you
Just do come back once
I'll not let you go the otherside of life I promise
Please wake up from this long sleep...please.
Author notes
"I'll leave the light on for you"
Option-1
A contest entry
- A few different options, Everyone welcome! by Brucie.
450 points, ended June 12, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I didn't really feel it, no offense. Your meter was sort of everywhere and I really didn't feel it. I'll give it a 4/10.
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this was okay i give it a 3. it wan't inspiring enough for me may be the other judges can get a feel for this piece but right now i cant get in to it
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Hmm Well, while I like the content I have to say the rhyme is off in several places, or just broken for that matter nad I found it distracting. I really think this can be tidied up a bit as well, there is just a lot of filler that really took away, for me at least. So, all in all I rate 6/10.
Bella -
4 of 10
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This difintely has the wow factor. I lvoe this becuase you give off emotion and you do it in a lovely and beautiful way. I give this a 9 out of 10
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beautiful!!!!
the words flow so beautifuly with the love and sadness left for all to feel!! thanx for sharing!
wind spirit
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A very good sad poem.
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Thanks for so much appreciation.
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Amazing title, amazing poem. This made me sad
and that's your credit! no specific line to refer as best, liked whole!
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Thanks for reading with feeling and concern.I think you've liked it that's enough for me to be happy.
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So sad, but beautiful
I loved this. It broke my heart. I love the language you use, especially the heart wrenching last line. I'm sure they'd come back if they could, I'm so sorry. Thankyou for entering, this was absolutely beautiful. -
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I'm glad you liked it so much. Actually I didn't think about this poem before writing it. Just started writing it and it flowed in its own way. Thanks for so much appreciation.
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