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On The Nile

 

 

                                                                     oh

                                                                come

                                                            my love

                                                          and take

                                                       a trip with

                                                     me upon a

                                                   sailing  ship

                                          II     we'll  sail  the

                                          II mighty River Nile

                                          take my hand  relax

                                        awhile, wondrous days

                                      and magic nights, tombs  

                                   temples, ancient sights look

                                 how far the desert sands reach

                               across these astounding lands see

                              the reeds as they

                             rush by azure

                             waters      II

                             reflect       II 

                             the           II

                             sky           II

                  feluccas, Egypt's ancient boats see how silently they float

                       touching land we stand in awe Valley of the Kings

                              stretch before to explore our one desire

                                   the need to touch put out the fire

  ^^   ^^^      ^^   ^^^^^   ^^^^^   ^^^^^  ^^^^^  ^^^^ ^^^^  ^^^^  ^^^^^ ^^^   ^^^^   ^^^^   

     ^^      ^^^     ^^^^    ^^^^    ^^^^    ^^^^   ^^    ^^    ^^   ^^    ^^  ^^     ^^   ^^     ^    ^^    ^^

^^    ^^^      ^^^       ^^^       ^^^       ^^^     ^^^  ^^^  ^^   ^^    ^^   ^^   ^^^   ^^    ^^^   ^^^

    

                                          

 

              

Author notes

The Wrath Of The Butterfly

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 56 of 56

  • glenn shannon silver member
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    gee Sue this was brilliant in layout and composition cool as


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 8
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Glenn, I glad you liked my felucca on the Nile.

      Sue
      x


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    Oh How brilliant!!
    You have such amazing talent ..
    I loved the poem and how you made the boat to fit with it..
    im in wow!!
    this was in perfect shape and even had water..
    You rhyme and flow just perfect!
    still in awe over here..
    good luck and thank you for entering!
    -Mandi


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 8
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Mandi for the bronze in your contest, I appreciate it. You had some excellent entries.

      Sue


  • Darkwell
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    just brillient! it has perfect shape, the poem has rhythm rhyme and keep interest and fits the shape perfect, just Wow


  • Slinky-milinky
    January 17
    Edit | Reply
    That is a brilliantly clear shape!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    Personally I think this would have worked without the II and the ^^, just suggesting the lateen sail and the hull. Buty it's a cracker nonetheless. Congratulations on all the yellow jugs!


  • intanglio2ring
    January 16

    Edit | Reply

    Oh yes, Outstanding!

    Wonderful entry using nautical inferences woven with poetic words. So glad to be able to absorb this artwork.
    Good Luck in the contest!
    Tang


  • daviscth silver member
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful shape poem!! I was so enthralled with looking at it I almost forgot to read it. lol This is awesome and congrats on all the pretty cups you have won.


  • LovelyTraces
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    W.O.W. this blew my mind!!! this is seriously perfect in every way!! it's amazing how you got the exact shape of a boat in your mind, and used perfectly numbered words to fill up that shape!! and then, i know it must have taken a bit of editing after posting, because it always messes up the spacing a little bit. but here it is. being perfect. (and here i am, babbling. sorry)

    great job! this is a shoe-in!


  • Sherry gold member
    July 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is amazing excellent shape and the love story with it it all goes together very nicely. This is fantastic did it take awhile to make it? Wonderful shape really.


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Such fun

    And only when you get into do you discover the true genius in its build.
    Luvit, Sue.

    Tom


  • dustookie2
    July 9, 2008

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    I stand in applause this is a masterpiece of shape poetry. Worthy of every gold trophy it has won.


  • Entwining Beauty
    July 9, 2008
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    I can see why this poem has won so many golds it's simply beautiful I loved it thank you


  • thelordreigns gold member
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a masterpiece!

    - joanne -


  • Man of Harlech silver member
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have never seen anything like this before. I hope that you win this contest; but more, I hope that this poem finds a publisher.


  • Painting My Words
    May 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you, I love this poem, I love boats and sailing

    Stevie


  • Corvus Corone
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is AMAZING. This is a work of art. Ok and a poem too. Thank you for sharing and good luck


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well executed, Sue, and deserving of all the various awards. You must have the patience of a saint.


  • inder silver member
    March 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    brilliant

    smooth sailing all the way.Creative,balanced and yet this rocks on the coast of Alexandria!!


  • Flare the Arcphoenix
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wooow....

    ...this is absolutely amazing. An awestruck student offers you his compliments.


  • Tam
    December 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    oh my goodness! you took concrete poetry to a whole new level...a HIGHER level...

    what a true work of art!!
    wow...I am impressed with your artistic and poetic talent...
    this is very worthy of gold and many, many more indeed!!
    how lovely this would look printed and framed!!!
    Congrats on this astonishingly beautiful poem!
    Blessings! Tammy


  • Maya Lyubenova
    December 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A real winner, congratulations!


  • ronnica
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooo, this is so captivating, a felucca on the romantic nile. and all the sights, it is a little work of art. thank you for your entry and congrats.


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is in exquiste form and the content of this poem transports us to ancient Egypt! How creative and imaginative! Well done dear poet!

    Dennis


  • motel silver member
    December 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful to look at & beautiful to read. thank you.


  • DrunkenRam
    November 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This very deserving of it's Gold medal, Perfect.

  • Bad Bill
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I must say that I'm impressed by both the content and the structure of this amazing poem. Very well done indeed!

    Bill

  • Lilac Moon silver member
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Enjoyed this =)


  • misselaineous
    October 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    October 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow...I'm shocked and amazed...content and shape both outstanding...yay! Congrats!!


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic! Shape and Rhyme! Tremendous piece.


  • samara11278
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is awesome!!!
    Great job, it looks amazing, it rhymes beautifully, it flows great.
    Amazing job!


  • Dragonsong silver member
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    stunning!!!

    I love this poem, you have truly captured the magic of taking a leisurely trip down the Nile on a felluca... Egypt holds a special place in my heart and this is one of the best poems I have read in a very long time. Great shape, and amazing content.

    Well Done

    DragonSong

  • Rajaram
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The poem sails like a supersonic ship. The structure of the poem, both, physical and philosophical, seens to be awesome. Great work dear Sue. Keep builiding such nice ships for us to travel to the land of fancy and fantasy


  • guttermouth
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome form poetry... and it flowed very well to do which can be EXTREMELY difficult when trying to pull of something of this nature. Great job!


  • Life is a Beach gold member
    August 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! What can I say? This is so good. You are very gifted.


  • Swan song gold member
    July 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have never in my life been able to write like this
    and never made form poetry and you made it work so well.


  • N.W. Clerk
    July 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Now, I loved the word picture you created here, but the poem itself was a little too light for my taste. Just the same, I applaud your work, which I'm sure must have taken some time!

  • Rajaram
    July 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It is a very nice poem which speaks volumes of novel ideas. The structure, both physical and poetic are very unique and it conveys a great message and more than anything else, it has the quality of a masterpiece. What happened friend... long time... since you visited my page. I wish that your new mask does not prevent you to stamp your impressions on my poems. Great work. Keep it up

  • Raven Judge
    June 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a delightful guilty pleasure there is to be found in this piece. I know that word picture poems are not exactly a new concept, but I always enjoy them when they are well done. Too often authors of works such as these(1) craft beautiful word images (in the literal sense) that are short on meaning. I think, generally, you have managed to avoid this pitfall in an enjoyable fashion.

    The thing here is, if we decide to promote this work (and we may) it will still be a bit of a fudge. Your words, while nicely constructed would not, alone, consitute the sort of work we are looking for in this contest(2). It is a tough call to say whether the novelty of the design overcomes the necessarily limited word choices you had to make in its construction. (My feeling is that it probably does, since the limits that you set upon yourself were for a higher, design related purpose.)

    I would imagine that this piece probably took a while in its literal construction, but it was a pleasure to come across. My only concern, as should be clear by now, is that its greatest virtue is also, nearly, its only one. If you intend on doing these in the future I would suggest you write a worthy piece and then try to find a design to fit it to, rather than the other way around.

    Thank you for your entry.

    ~Das

    1 - Not that there are many works that would fit into a "such as these" category. What I mean here is that works that focus on how a poem visually looks (acrostic, etc) can often come up lacking in talent with regards to the words themselves.

    2 - You could state that part of the reason why this is so may be due to the fact that the format of the poem precludes proper line breaks making the piece slightly hard to read. You'd be correct in this assumption, but rest assured that we have forgiven that reality for the sake of preserving the better aspect of the piece.

  • cirque du soleil
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you are so good at form poetry!!
    it is a pleasure to have you in my contest!
    you descreibed the Nile so well!

    Best of luck in my contes, thank you for following all the rules


  • Lily of the Valley
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm always astounded and just how perfect you get your form poetry. This is yet another example of how exact you are in with your talent. Not only is this so aesthetically pleasing but the content is amazing too. I wish I was there I think this is poem is simply wonderful


  • Heavenly Angel gold member
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well done! I like the imagery and the wording is awesome! Thank you so much for sharing and for being a part of the contest


  • Sunshine Always
    June 8, 2007

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    Wonderful, interesting, and a real pleasure to read. Love the way this has been thought through and set out..Excellent...mal


  • erininthesky
    June 8, 2007

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    Whoa, this is so beautiful and creative. You can SO tell that it's gonna win! I entered that contest too but it SO beats mine, haha. Love it! ♥ Erin

  • Nomenclature
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Okay, the writing style is alright, though a little jaded and stale. However, what you lost in that was more than made up for by the way you used ACII art to display the poem. The way you describe things is descriptive enough to give a mental image, yet vague enough to leave things to the imagination.

    Overall, I give it a 4 out of 5.


  • Candy6
    June 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    a great poem. this poem looks like a sail boat. very creative idea.


  • passim silver member
    June 7, 2007
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    I am so jealous, what a wonderful piece of work. You could sell this to a holiday ad. or brochure.


  • Puppydog gold member
    June 6, 2007

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    SO LOVELY!

    I have always loved to see pictures of the Nile and its blue waters with the sand in the distance. I have often thought of what it would be like to silently float down the river and see all the variety on the shore as I pass.


  • sheltered
    June 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That's quite an amazing piece of artwork and poetry. Must have been a tough job because I know how you have to keep spacing and re-spacing. I wish that worked better. Your good at this. Admit it. Your in de-Nile.


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    June 6, 2007

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    STUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    STUNNING. THE LAYOUT OF THIS PIECE IS JUST AMAZING. IN THE SHAPE OF A BOAT. WONDERFUL WRITING. THE GODS OF EGYPT WILL DEFINATELY BE PLEASED AND WITH THIS PIECE. YOU HAVE HONOURED EGYPT WELL WITH THIS PIECE. WELL DONE SUE. THE IMAGERY HERE IS OUTSTANDING. I CAN SEE EVERYTHING.

    WONDERFUL PIECE

    WAYNE


  • The Morning Sage
    June 6, 2007

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    this is wonderful! the poetry and the its shape beautifully complement each other. ive never read a poem so interesting to read AND look at, at the same time! but besides this poem being a fantabulous poem, it has also opened my eyes to other avenues of presenting poetry! thanks, and its a great write!!!!!

  • intanglio2ring
    June 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Sailing, Sailing!

    I love the shape & work you've done with your sail (actually I'm envious)
    The poem is romantic and interesting. (I've got to look up feluccas now!)lol)
    Just Wonderful!
    Tang

    Why isn't this in a contest?


  • Musimwa
    June 6, 2007

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    Great

    thank for such a picture some piece. I love it. U are became refined after after day., this, u should keep it up. Good day Mum, son


  • Haunted-Memory silver member
    June 6, 2007

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    Awesome

    Wow you have done it again just when i am getting to thinking how can anyone better what they have already done you go and do it. This is an awesome form and a brilliant poem love every part of it. keep them coming they are fantastic best wishes Love Brian.

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