It was a bright autumn morning,
She opened the door and entered in my life.
She was wearing a green dress,
She brought in my life freshness.
I spent days and nights dreaming about her,
And waited for the right moment to tell her.
But that moment didn't come,
Then she introduced me to someone.
And she looked at him in a different way,
It told me that I could not enter in her life anyway.
So with a broken heart I left the place,
And that ended my first silent love.
A contest entry
- First Loves by Kiran.
700 points, ended June 6, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Many Options. Come in Choose a Few by KittieLyyn.
300 points, ended June 8, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ Man, on the moon. by forbidden-colour.
400 points, ended August 26, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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simple&touching
its so simple but touching
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what a beautiful write!
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Awh. ]:
This is so short and sad!
Nice write though.
Thank you for entering, best of luck!
X--Lullaby -
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Ah...a sad and poignant piece of writing with just the right amout of descriptive language to make it flow gracefully. Well done, very well done! Peace, Rhonda
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how disapointing it is when these things end almost before the begin. I've gone through this kind of thing sooooo many times that I have the emotions memorized....you comunicated them beautifuly.
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An eye catching title and a very sad poem. I think in the 4th line you can replace the word "greenness" by "freshness", so the word "green" is not repeated frequently and it still conveys sort of purity. I liked this poem.
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Thank you for your valuable comment. I made changes according to your suggestion.
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Oh this is a sad piece. A very heartfelt poem wioth a great depth of emotion to it. Thanks so much for entering this in the contest. All the best!
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Honest and Moving
I really felt the sadness of this piece! I hope things start looking up for you
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