Debbie Debbie had big breasts,
and lots of beaus
trouble is they never looked at her face.
That's not a problem now.
This game can be dangerous
leave you hanging from the rafters
your face blue, your eyes distended,
your tongue hanging out.
They'll have to cut you down
put you in the ground;
deal another hand of cards,
and redecorate your room
one way or another.
Roy married a young thing
she grew up and ran off
and Roys not getting any older now.
It will take hours
for the undertaker to get you looking good.
Standing in his shirtsleeves
long ash on his cigarette
hoping his lunch won't be late.
Robin married young
and there was nothing wrong.
Came home one day,
found him on the bathroom floor
a bullet in his brow.
Now everything is her fault
and nothing can be changed..
Author notes
Written August 6th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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Oh, ~tears~. I hate this topic...but loved the poem.
The last comment - "you would have us all commiting suicide"
Unfortunately, it is not you, the author, who is just portraying it like so, but rather, it is his subjects (us) which he so eloquently catches, who sets this tone.
Suicide is a terrible thing, depression and suicide a growing epidemic.
I am terribly jaded and cynical..but even so, I would love to have seen some light at the tunnel's end on this poem...these are facts, but what I lack is how You FEEL about the topic, and what you might think of it's future, and it's relavence to man's future...the emotion in this piece is all within the character's, there are no clues to the author's feelings, save this...
"This game can be dangerous
leave you hanging from the rafters"
With so many characters introduced in a small piece, it's really going begging for expansion, drawing the readers into the emotion and turbulance of these lives, increasing the impact...
Overall, a good piece, but not as full as some I have seen from you. (Your heart is often right there for me to stare at, this, I only see your characters...) It is a hard topic to write, I always feel awkward when I take this subject to task. -
Nice one
S'truth you would have us all commiting suicide for the slightest thing.. I have a thing about suicide, i hate it, it's selfish and just leaves a mess, i like things tidy, i'm boring..
I like this though, like the image of the undertaker worrying about lunch.
Right that's it, bored you enough.:D
Barb
xx
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Wow, this is twisted...twisted in so many different ways, almost like a pipecleaner...there is horror (a woman coming home to find her husband dead) that just shakes me as I read this. And I agree with maria above me, love is mostly an aspiration to people... and most times, we act without thinking anyway. How sad it is that we live in a world where no one and nothing is safe from violence or treachery. But you have a small bit of hope in that love can conquer all and sooner or later, everything will be all right.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora -
Love (for some, for many) will always be an aspiration rather than a fulfilment...the reasons for our behaviour are often hidden, too painful perhaps to know...there is blame, there is also the knowledge that anything can happen to anyone...and the hope that Love can and will cure. Your voice is strong yet disciplined.
This is so well written. Thanks, Maria
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