Upon the fields of Rimvii waking
in the days of distant lore
Awoke a power that set worlds shaking
as they never shook before
The Thunder King, the killing King
Bound with the darkest doom to bring
Upon the fields of rolling storm cloud
he awoke from a long sleep
Climbing from his darkened sleeping shroud
across darkened lands to creep
The King of storms rising up tall
Making great cities shiver and fall
Then by his word all peace is broken
and by his hand many will die
And their blood shall act as a token
to warn that dark death draws nigh
Slaying all with immortal might
Now comes the King, now comes the night
Now from the shade, bright light is rising
now from deep dark comes the light
And from Rimvii's fields all-comprising
comes the power to stop the night
The King of lightening, tall and proud
Swathed in a shaded deathly shroud
His mantle is of silvery light
his robes of a twilight hue
His eyes are deep blue and shining bright
and his blade is bright and true
The King of lightening shining gold
Striding across great Rimvii bold
He will purge the darkness with his might
seeking out the king of night
Then with his bright sword take up the fight
and see his foe flee in fright
Only one will escape the grave
Now comes the King, now comes the brave
Across the clouded fields of Rimvii
the two warriors boldly roam
Across the plains rolling wild and free
beneath a blackened sky's dome
When they at last meet, what shall pass?
Death or life for each lad and lass
Now the words of prophecy awake
now the silent pall is rent
And each rolling hill begins to shake
and each remnant hour is spent
The two kings meet amidst the gloom
One for life's rescue, one for its doom
Which shall depart from where two meet
which shall achieve victory
And which shall recieve his deathly defeat
falling to shame from high glory
One along shall keep his great form
Now come the kings, now comes the storm
******
They rush together and burst asunder
and all the world trembles deep
And the clouds are riven by thunder
and the helpless of Rimvii weep
Who shall depart from the now and here
Which will win, the calm or the fear?
Two great warriors standing proud and tall
their visages shinging bright
Heeding the prophecy and fate's great call
together the day and night
Facing one another they stand up brave
Weathering cold threats of the grave
Then in the calm before the storm's fall
they eye eachother gravely
Wrapped in the storm's shadowy pall
facing each other bravely
'Gainst one another, 'tis their norm
Now war the kings, now falls the storm
******
Upon Rimvii's fields of shaded hue
where gilded beams fall darkly
And sun's rays are turned from gold to blue
the fates now congeal quickly
For woken is the Shadow King
With darkest doom to cruelly bring
And on Rimvii's fields of shadow great
with hills of dark rolling cloud
The King of light hears the call of fate
and casts off his deathly shroud
Ready to end the shade's crime
Bringing peace once and for all time
So falls destiny with all its might,
at last in this final hour
And all the world trembles in deep fright
at the two kings' awesome power
Now falls the stormy shroud of fate
Now war the kings without abate
Now back and forth this war wages on
first the darkness, then the dawn
And blades of shadow and light are drawn
darkness deep and lightening wan
Then with light the sky is riven
And blows of power strong are given
Forth and fro the fates weave and waver
each new blow growing greater
Each face, worn with pain, growing graver
As day grows ever later
But still they war in dark and light
Eyes fell and dark, and glowing bright
The hills roll with the sound of thunder
and with the clashing of blades
And flesh and bone are rent asunder
as their crying echoes and fades
Now one strength falters and falls down
Now falls the light, now falls the crown
******
The King of lightening is on his knees
the King of thunder stands nigh
Awaiting the rising of the pleas
of his foe before he dies
And all of Rimvii holds its breath
And closer draws the clasp of death
But no cry is given for mercy
the fallen is still as stone
And though his blood feeds an earth thirsty
he utters no cry or moan
For such is the goal of his fate
And for this that he wakes and waits
Now falls the blade of shade and night
now all the world cries in fright
And falls the day to dark and night
so falls the King, waning bright
Falling before the King of night
Dying to bring the world its light
Like mighty thunder the light blazes
catching Rimvii in its glow
Devouring the dark it grazes
then on still further it grows
Spreading through all of Rimvii grand
Driving the Darkness from the land
For the life of the children of Rimvii
the king of lightening must die
Ending the reign of shade and envy
with his dying battle cry
And thunder rumbles just once more
As its master shivers to his core
- and thus the storm is ended
Author notes
Okay! um... another "epic" poem by me... this one isn't quite as long as the last, but whatever. it was harder, because in starting I didn't even know where i wanted the poem to go. also, the rhyme scheme and meter on this was more complicated. ababcc with a syllable count of 979788... anyways, i worked hard, and i know that in some places its prolly still a little rough, but there you have it anyways.
A contest entry
- The Second Battle of the Poets Contest! by Previn.
540 points, ended September 6, 2007, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I love the starting, very poetic and lovely.
It was easy to follow and had a good plot.
Good rhyming though the rhyme felt a little inconsistent in a few parts.
I like the ending, tragic yet beautiful.
Good work, thanks for entering. -
Whew!
Long poems are often hard to stick with, but this was a nice story and easy to follow. Your rhyme and meter were well-placed and well-done. A very intriguing write.
Wolfie
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Thanx for taking the time to read it all! I know what you mean about long poems being hard to stick with. For myself, i love 'em, but i've written numerous poem of like or greater length, and have had a hard time finding people to review them in the past. Only in the last couple of attempts have I managed to come up with something that holds everyones attention as well as getting my thoughts down. Again, thanx for the comment
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Yes. It is indeed pretty rough in some spots. There is some grammar and spelling that needs to be fixed and what not. You seemed to say the same thing over and over again like you kept running out of places to take the poem. So it got kind of repetitive. It felt like you were trying to hard to explain it instead of show us the story.
Okay I'm done being mean now. This poem does show a lot of work. The whole plot is very good. I liked how you used your words and it makes for an excellent story. I'd love to read the revised version because even though I may seem not to have enjoyed it, this was a poem I really got into. Good work.
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thanx for taking the time to comment. Yes... There are alot of places in this poem where spelling and grammer need working on. Usually when I write Really long poems (and i have several) I wind up with quite a few errors throughout. To tell you the true, i was concentrating pretty hard on the meter for this one, so i prolly missed alot.
Again, thanks for your suggestions, and for taking the *considerable* time to read this piece
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Great story! Wonderful rhyme & rhythm! Very well crafted! I think you did a beautiful job on this Epic poem and your hard works shines through brightly.
Love & Light
Debbera
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This is truly an epic poem. I thougt it told a marvelous story and it had a bit of fantasy flair to it.
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very neatly written a story has been told and aa good one at that very nice.. Best of luck in the contest...
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You are really into these long story like poems, great write, greaet rhythm and rhyme and tale told in these lines. Wish you luck in this contest.
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Wow...this epic narrative poem is packed full of imagery and action. You tell the tale well and I found it easy to read. Well Done!
Dennis :^)
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Long poetry isn't my forte, unless it has narrative elements, as yours does. The rhythm and rhyme of your poem felt natural for the most part, and I liked its metrical structure. Your imagery painted pictures that reminded me of something that would be sung at a medieval feast. I read a lot of historical fiction, so I could picture it all perfectly.
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Nice title. A good story. I don't usually read long poems, but your poem held my attention. Good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Good depth of feeling. Good word choice, alliteration, and assonance. Good rhythm. Well crafted. Best wishes in the contest.
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