Last night
I had a downfall
The blade cut my skin
As I hid behind this wall
Here I am again
Nowhere to turn
This downfall
Caused me to crash and burn
I say "Slit my wrists
And end it all
Before I have
Another downfall"
Every cut I make
Is because of you
My downfall
Is because of you
Your lies
Cause me to fall
Your hate
Causes me another downfall
Author notes
this is only pt. 1 of 2... the 2 pt. will be out in a little while. I just wrote this...
A contest entry
- Dying is easy living is what kills us by Starz of Heaven.
550 points, ended July 3, 2007, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~~~PREWRITE CONTEST~~~ by phoenixonfire.
300 points, ended August 3, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Who Is She? by Fallen Under Light.
300 points, ended September 15, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Are Invited to Attend by Tercil.
500 points, ended August 11, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - x x For the Dark Emotions x x by Fallen Grace.
500 points, ended September 1, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~(~*(*~A N Y T H I N G !!!~*)~*)~* PW'S allowed! YOUR BEST/ YOUR FAVORITE !!!! CONTEST! SOMETHING I"M GONNA LIKE! by xxlisajazminexx.
500 points, ended September 26, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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this is extremely good!
beautifully penned piece you have written here....
the imagery was wonderful throughout each line.....though i would take out at least two "downfalls" out of it ....alittle repetitive just with that one word though... other than that a masterpiece! -
I like how you were repetitive, it really gets the point across well. It has some nice imagery here and there also. Great job!
Great poem and good luck in the contest!
~Kaela~ -
There is a claustrophobic feel here, the being penned in. You need room to circumvent aggression, which you do, but at the same time, you implode frustration out by this writing in our direction!! Nicely worded.
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Wow. I wonder what caused you to write this. It's extremely good. I can see why it won gold before. !! !! !! good luck in this contest.
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haha. the thing that caused me to write this was me wanting to cut, but I didn't want to... so I just wrote this. lol. thanks for your comment!
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Smooth!
AHA! I like the imagery here!! Picture perfect...like someone crashing on the floor in agony! The pain is chilling but lacks intensity here and there!! I like the simplicity of the words!!
Thanks for entering your write!
good luck!!
luv
pri
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Thank you for your comment!
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I really like this poem! No wonder you got gold! Lol. You're a good writer.
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wow this is really good, it flows so well. Nice work...
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I find rather repeditive, but then that could have been what you were going for, cause it really hammers the point in. I think you really get your message across.
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This is a very nice write i rally like this my favorite lines are
Every cut I make
Is because of you
My downfall
Is because of you
Your lies
Cause me to fall
Your hate
Causes me another downfall
Thank you for your entry best wishes xxx
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thanks for your comment.
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love the down fall pattern
hey i like this you explained in each paragraph your emotions and behind each emotion you explained your down fall that rocked -
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thank you for your comment.
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wow
There's not much I can say.. but this wow.. it's really really good....
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wow great job. i love it. very deep and dark and scary. awsomeness. wonderful job well done.
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thank you for your comment.
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nice one i realy love this
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thanks!
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saweet, downfall it indeed is. These are obviously realisticly viewed are you ok?
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yes, I'm ok... thanks for the comments... I just needed to get that emotion out before it became real... same with the other one... I used to be a big cutter... and my friend helped me write these... thanks.
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