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The Other Side

I can't find the song playing in my head,
once again-
restlessly, I wish . shaking
in my skin I realize how beautiful
tragic can seem when you're surrounded.
but in a room, dimly lit-there is no
beauty
found in the decay of young souls.
insanity has found me, appearing as the air
I breathe; not softly but gasping.

a thought worse than death is discovered,
life spent alone, rejected
rejecting? lowering beneath layers
sliding at first; without realization-
then falling
a point of no return
breaking

experiencing death during life,
your own-
conscious of the vast, black emptiness,
conquering.
currently experiencing?
awaiting.

Author notes

(Credit for title;
from song title "The Other Side"-David Gray

1. Name [Real & User]
Real: Amanda
User: Rain Dancer
2. Age
18
3. Amount of Poetic Experience
Since 9th grade, so like 4 years
4. Typical/Strongest Style
Free-Verse, I don't do rhyme. well.
5. Unusual/Weakest Style
Rhyme, or happy poetry
6. Favorite Type of Inspiration
Music, of all and any kinds. Or random art.
7. Amount of Multiround Experience
Quite a bit. I hosted a few back in the day, and have partipated in a few.
8. Some Accomplishments
What I've come to as a writer I see as an accomplishment, as well as making it through adolescent years
9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You
I adore theater!
10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read
I know that we were supposed to submit something that wasn't this old, but it almost made the cut-off, and while I've written stuff more recently, I feel like this best overall displays the different parts of my writing style and of who I am as a person, but if you'd like for me to submit something different, let me know and I'll be happy to change it!

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • blackday
    March 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hoenstly, my favorite lines were the first two. I was a bit disappointed reading the rest of the poem, because I thought it would be up to the level of that statement, but it wasn't. You used some almost cliche images. I'd shoot for some more originality.

    Feel free to edit or enter again or something.


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for entering...

    This is excellent. I love the imagery, the effective use of language... it is all extremely well done. Than you

    Faerie
    Site Greeter


  • xXLoveXx
    July 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good job....I really like this! Thanks for entering
    GOOD LUCK IN MY CONTEST!


  • supermansdead
    June 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the thought; how beautiful tragic can seem when you're surrounded. it captures your reader, because they know that thought, they've been there before, admiring. But the next thought, a lack of beauty in darkness and then insanity. It works well as a piece. The progression of it is very quick, but real. and you're gasping. and like you, your piece goes haywire. your line break, language, and voice are confused, the final two stanzas read as fast as the first. which works. it's a disguise.

    I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. I've read it a few times. I guess I just don't know what you're looking for me to say. There's a lot here. To be honest, I don't much appreciate the piece past your first stanza. though, I know I don't like to hear anyone telling me they've let go. so maybe that's just it. I don't like it for what it's saying. The style fits the form, don't get me wrong. you've found a way to write.

    I have a thought though. What if tragic is beautiful because it reminds us of all that we can still have? Tragedy will always be there, and it will always be hard, sad, overwhelming. Life will be overwhelming. But there is always the opportunity to learn, to grow, to change and to better. That's the beauty of it all. Until we die, even chained, we are allowed to live.

    I've gone off in enough tangents for now, for that I am sorry. I hope you can make sense of some of it!

    ~me


  • EmanonTragedy
    June 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this piece. It seems honest.

1 - 5 of 5