You godless youths come marching back,
Fifty thousand in the pack
Shelled and processed, packaged raw
Returning from this godless war.
And what of those who in the fight
Gave for Queen their shortened life?
A coffin decked in red white blue:
Immortal in the media’s view.
What think we of they who gave
Lives fighting pious whore and knave?
Trenches dug in faceless places
Leaving not the faintest traces
Of those who died for Eastern soil.
They died fighting, died in toil
Died in draves in slaughtering roil
For Eastern Values, religion, oil.
Treated worse than savage beasts,
As wasted food on rubbish heaps:
The honour of men from Eastern lands
Is shattered in our Western hands.
Author notes
A comment on how we treat victims of war. We pass over those who fill the mass graves, but mourn the few who die from Britain and America. Many remain ignorant of the plight faced daily in the East, and the worry that it will be their carcass in that hole come dawn.
This is dedicated to the victims of war who are not recognised.
Calanthe.
A contest entry
- TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? by LaurenLightning--x.
1200 points, ended June 18, 2007, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES ONLY- For people with NO gold trophies by TwilightDazzles.
525 points, ended November 20, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think!!
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Such is the vain and selfish nature of the human."If it is not me and my own, it does not affect my world".
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this is a great poem! and i can't believe you won trophies! although i dont quit understand what pious means
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Here, pious means that they have a "holier-than-thou" attitude.
Thanks for your comment.
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Excellent Composition
This is an awesome composition and you have a lot to say and you say it well--I look forward to reading more of your work as it is submitted.
Please click on the link below--I think you will find it interesting !
AL (Buried Treasures)
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Thank you, and thanks for the link. It was a good poem, with a gentle and thoughtful feeling towards war and its more hidden monstrosities.
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Thank you for this heartwrenching piece and for following the rules
I love your rhyme and flow, you have done really well. Best wishes in this contest
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Thanks for your comment! I don't write many pieces, so I suppose that the ones I have are more intense.
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 70/100
Concrete Imagery: 70/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 70/100
Originality: 80/100
Meter: 100/100
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you hit the mark 100%in this!soldiers glorified to the people back home and the 'enemy' made out like they kill for the fun of it, we're being brainwashed.damn government.
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Thanks for your comment!
I sometimes feel this poem is too strong, the images too harsh, and the words too blunt.
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A good, tight write.. spot on accurate, without reserve.
We are all victims of war..the bloodied wounded as much as those of us who have been duped into believing (any) war just - who have been conned into the age-old indoctrination of "men aren't men who haven't been to war.." who commit to a flag unconditionally, in spite of a consistant history of lies... but, heck - the good thing about it is that war stimulates the economy..
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Thanks for your comment.
I'm not against war, but I disagree in the way they are fought in many respects.
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must read
"Trenches dug in faceless places Leaving not the faintest treaces" is off da hook nice line! "The died fighting, died in toil died in draves in slaughtering roil for eatern values, religion, oil" very well put! very nice job had great flow, nice word choice, rythem scheme good, imargy very good, and i felt the 60s in it alittle very nice yo made it as a finalist -
Very good. Just one thing I have to say is that your rhyming is kinda on and off. I would applause but I don't have many left.
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Thanks. Can you tell me which rhymes you think are not quite right, please?
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Well, in the beginning you don't really rhyme but towards the end you start to rhyme. But its still really good.
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Oh! In the beginning there are a few which do not fit on paper, but if you read it aloud, they sound pretty similar - not perhaps in the letters used but the general sound of the word. I was taking slightly, I think, from Wilfred Owen who used (and to most purposes invented) the pararhyme. If you just read the poem then yes, they appear a little discordant - although this is one of their effects in Owen's poetry - this poem has to be read aloud to be felt - hence the strong rhythm and rhyme.
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I am moved to few words.
Yea Varly Yea. A question was asked long ago and I think it revelent now. "Who shall pay for the forefit of the peace..." I believe that all those who wll not see our Kin in the East as human will, because they are and we are all deminished by their losses.
Peace now and Much Love
Dark The Poet
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Thank you. We all must pay to keep the peace - every one of us... If we do not all work towards peace, we will continue to fight, but "we make war that we may live in peace" - Aristotle. I am not a pacifict, but having studied war poetry in depth I felt moved to write about what is both a current issue and an ancient one.
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Wow
I think, really, the only time the victims of the war are recognized is after the war is over. think World War II and all of those jews in the concentration camps. Was the war really about them? Not until AFTER it had ended.
Just making a point... Great write. Hope you win the next contest. -
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I understand your point, but this is not about WWII - it is focussed on the wars happening NOW, and is also a commentary on all the wars between developed nations and those less developed, but this point is to a lesser extent. Victims of war include everyone who is touched by the war, not just those who die or are injured, but their families, and further out in the circle this also includes each and every one of us who has any sort of contact with the fighting, even if it is only through the media. If a war has a negative effect on you, you are a victim.
Thanks for your comment. (:
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very emotional and deep......nice write.....
this poem really touched my heart....i kinda dont know the right words to explain how amazing this poem is........very well done......it really is true....very nice...i love it..
i myself think this whole war is bogus....and no one should even have had to die and be forgotten and lost.... i love your poem very much though!!!!
keep writing
keep smiling
keep the peace!
lala
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Thank you - and I am glad that my poem touched you. I tried to use an angry tone to convey emotion, but I also attempted to include depth behind this anger so that the poem was not two-dimensional... I hope that I achieved this. I too wish that people did not have to give thier lives for other's freedom, but I realise the necessity of war. This brought to mind a quotation by Jimmy Carter - "War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children."
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This is a fine tribute to those that are ignored or forgotten. Only those bearing the "red, white, and blue" are mourned for, or even acknowledged. As if they were the only ones fighting. It's not even just a simple misconception. It's a blantant disregard for the truth. A choice to ignore, to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. It's arrogance. There is incredible wisdom in your words. As I said, a fine dedication. Thank you for sharing this piece. Excellent work.
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Thank you, and I'm glad that you care about the isuue. It is something that really affects me, and I do think about it most days, especially when I watch the news. There are so many horrific stories, but then the very few casualties from the West are glorified. That is not the problem I have, but the fact that there is such ignorance of the scale of destruction.
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brilliant!!
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Thanks
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This is amazing.
The rhyming is spot on throughout the whole piece, very impressive.
It's nice that young people care about such strong issues, and can write such beautiful poetry expressing their opinions and beliefs.
Thank you for entering and good luck!! :] -
I enjoyed this poem alot, the words in it and the flow made me feel like I am in the actual war. Very good writting, very enjoyable.
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Thanks! I'm only 15 (update: am now 16), so I'm still trying to find my feet. I am glad that you liked the writing, and that I managed to create this feel. This is a subject about which I feel strongly, and as I enjoy the works of both Owen and Sassoon, I tried to capture the genuine anger that I feel in the poetic medium.
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This was a good read.
I enjoyed the worldly subject and the thought for those who have died over such things for war's sake.
Nice job.
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