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Void

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.

It is the source of all true art and all science.

He to whom this emotion is a stranger,

who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,

is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.”

—Albert Einstein



Life isn't easy when you're dead,
there's always a thirst for creation.


Something nags behind the eyes,
the sun comes up, the sun goes down,
followed by and then there was
one day straight through the seventh.

On the seventh, the Sabbath, Levant,
or whatever it was, I never quite knew,
the sun comes up, most differently
and suddenly the heavens blow apart
above. Everything goes on about going,
bodies pass, get on buses and cars,
fuck in the seats, sit in the pews
of god only knows how many houses,
those fancy paned things men erect.

Some corners are empty, some not, a lot
are busy. Oddly, they never seem full
perhaps because too many yell so loud,
predicting second comings. Mostly
one learns to ignore it and others
save it in folders and stuff
in case it makes a poem.






Author notes

for Lisa @}-`-,--


A contest entry

What is the most important element in poetry?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 92 of 92
  • jadeangyal
    April 15

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    This poem has a great flavor to it. I have never read anything quite like it, and I like it!
    "Something nags behind the eyes,
    the sun comes up, the sun goes down,"
    This was a cool thing to think about: a dead person--literally or otherwise--and something nags behind the eyes as the days come and go. He is missing something. Great poem.


  • GotLilt
    January 15

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    Interesting how it gives life to the dead. I like the wit weaved into some seriousness. A little refining & better meter. It has promise!

  • tangerine
    November 19, 2008

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    Could be SO awesome

    Dude, you're first two lines- amazing. I was hooked. Then it gets kind of confusing the part about one day until the Sabbath didn't really make sense to me. Then it goes on in a ranting way, which at times has a great rhythm but at times lacks rhythm. What you're saying in the last few paragraphs is really excellent about the things men build and fucking in seats but i really think if you put a little more editing into it this poem could be really really amazing. It is good now but it has a lot of potential to be better.


  • Ravenblood
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, This is a verry interesting poem, I can honestly say I haven't read anything like it. The perspective seems to be of a dead person, thanks to the first lines but one who hasn't moved on. I liked the way you took this poem, overviewing the ways humans keep living, not noticing anything significant around us, it seems like a waste of life that people don't realise is happening until its too late.

    The quote fitted into the rest of the poem brilliant and I think, in answer to your question, different people have different ideas on the most important elements in poetry, for me its the imagry, the flow/rhythem and the emotions that can be evoked from it. Whenever I read a poem that almost makes me cry, i know its a good poem.


    Anyway - Enough of me rambling, its a good poem and congratulations on getting bronze in this contest, you obviously deserved it.


    Keep writing

    Claire-Anne


  • crimson-river
    July 5, 2008

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    WOW

    This is quite interesting.
    It makes me ponder.
    It's a little weird at times for me. - Can you tell me the true simplified meaning of this poem? - What is void?

    The first couple of lines caught my attention:
    Life isn't easy when you're dead,
    there's always a thirst for creation.
    ---
    and then there are parts that are humorous and I really liked that.
    ---
    Keep writing.

  • Rowan gold member
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    and so it was worthy keeping it then wasn't it.
    It's funny how richness of mundane can work so splendidly on paper, like this. WEll done
    I really liked this.

  • AnnaVeraWilliams
    November 10, 2007

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    I liked the message very much. My favorite part was "others
    save it in folders and stuff
    in case it makes a poem." I thought that adding some punctuation or different line breaks could make it flow more easily. But the last line was great.


  • EstherG
    October 17, 2007

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    Gorgeous – sort of explosive and global and usual and normal all at the same time – Sabbath and death (or beyond-death, thirsting for life) mingling with the more banal buses and cars and houses (‘those fancy paned things men erect’ . Which I think is what life is like, really – we have these massive ideas, often intangible (heaven, faith, God) and we have the daily, the smallnesses (bus passes, milk deliveries, scraps of paper filed away).

    I can’t put my finger on the reason, or even define what I mean exactly, but this feels like a ‘real’ poem, rather than a nicely constructed bundle of poemy lines or ideas. I particularly liked the ending lines (‘in case it makes a poem’ , which sum up beautifully the way that we, as humans, do that squirreling-away thing – scrapbooks, mementos, things we might possibly need one day…and also, of course, the way a writer will store up all kinds of words / images /ideas etc for future writing.

    Lovely. On to my favourites with you!


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      November 10, 2007
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      a bit late...
      but...

      thank you
      for such a wonderful comment.


  • michael thomas
    October 17, 2007

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    to be. alone............above.................
    clutter........heart slit//////////////////to......
    receive...without getting dizzy?


  • Woodworm
    September 30, 2007

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    This rocks.

    Not sure about the opening couplet, though it made me giggle. I feel very dead and have lost the thirst for creation, but life has never seemed easier. Hmmm. That may just be a big illusion. Some bold, teasy syntax: "everything goes on about going" is a beauty! Some great rhythmic interplays: "buses and cars/fuck in the seats/sit in the pews" has the rhythm of a train. The ambiguity of houses/churches (those things men erect); the play on things men erect and second comings (which I'd think was innocent if I didn't know you better). Something nags behind the eyes. Yup. It's a proper ars poetica without any of the arsus pomposus.

    I love it when people piss with syntax. "Followed by and then there was". Yes. ["Whatever what is is is what I want."] Last two lines are killer. We dweeble about our lives on the off chance they might mean something. Those understated vernacular endings are so hard to bring off. Urwin does it; not many can do it.

    I don't normally like the big old epigram at the start, but I think you get away with it, and in any case I'm not sure "Life isn't easy when you're dead" would make sense without it. The only bit that stumped me slightly was the heavens blowing apart ("above" might be pleonastic), which seemed to suggest some sort of epiphany that wasn't really developed or explained. S3L3-4 might be the sticky bit sonically as well: those two adverbs in close succession. The title's another hmmmmm: voids are a bit overdone, and all a bit (don't hit me) a bit Kevin.

    But otherwise, yes yes yes yes. Two exciting poems in two days. Yay. An honour to read you. Fankyous.


  • Blondita
    September 28, 2007
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    Genius.

    XX


  • kvwriter silver member
    September 20, 2007

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    Pretty powerful stuff here! Enjoyed. The words speak volumes about life and belief, or just life. Interesting to read you again, Friend! Thank you! Oh and I love the song by Natasha that you posted to your profile page. One of my favorites. Says so much about just getting up and get going. Be well and blesse.--Kel


  • Jalalbad gold member
    September 8, 2007
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    great write!

    and easy to understand. One of which most all wriers can relate to.
    Smile,
    Judy


  • Shane Toona
    September 6, 2007

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    Amazing. You've got a gun in your throat. Your words kill in the best way possible (they allow room for reincarnation). Excellent write. You have amazing talent!


  • Emerald13
    September 3, 2007

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    wonderful poetry Liza ... as always i am in awe ... i hope you and yours are well (and happy) ... >>>Gina


  • NoIQ gold member
    July 30, 2007

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    I tend to think I know a lot about voids, because I have an ocean-sized one between my ears. And I also am a HUGE fan of vapid women. As Homer Simpson would say, "Mmmmm. Vapid women...."

    Anyway, I also like poetry about voids. Especially poems with sentences like: " Everything goes on about going, / bodies pass, get on buses and cars, / fuck in the seats, sit in the pews / of god only knows how many houses, / those fancy paned things men erect."

    Now, I realize you were referring to architectural structures in "fancy paned things men erect," but we also erect more than windows when we "fuck in the seats." And I ask you, why would you be bored with fucking in the seats. Granted, the stearing column and emergency break can make some positions a tad more awkward, but fucking in the seats makes voids very very precious. Which of course is why you obviously made reference to it in this wonderful piece. That you also mention religion, well I get that too. Because in the end, I know you wanted to write a piece about ending the boredom in our lives by having sex in a Church, right? I mean, what better place to have "second comings."

    Seriously, Liza, great stuff here. I am well behind reading ANYONE, least of all those like yourself who were my favorites for good reason.


  • lysdarling
    July 24, 2007

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    i am definitely in the latter. i can't do this piece justice so i'll just say -brilliant- congrats on bronze
    -lys


  • SusanL
    July 22, 2007

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    I am slowly wandering back. I have not had an idea spark in quite some time. I decided I really needed to wander here and as always I am not disappointed.

    I am not sure if it is the day I am reading this or what, but this says to me:

    The extraordinary becomes ordinary when it happens every day. what seemed to matter once really doesn't.


  • poetryality silver member
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite the poignant work my friend. I love how the lines lapse in and out of then and now. I also adore the quote. It is one of Einstein's quotes that I am witnessing for the very first time. Thank you. Makes all the sense in the world to me.

    "Everything goes on about going"

    Love that line. This is simply great...leaves me pondering a few things of life for sure. Congratulations on earning the bronze.



    Much Love ♥

    Renee



    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      July 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so very much..

      the last three comments on this ( yours included ) have truly stunned me.. ..


  • Nicolette gold member
    July 6, 2007

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    All art is born from some kind of dissatisfaction, by questioning, by going beyond and outside the comfort zones...like you did here in this poem. May you never lose this hunger. Exceptional poetry that speaks of a higher level of connection to the philosophical. I can only applaud..

    ~ Nicolette

  • Blondita
    July 6, 2007

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    Jesus! Pure poetry! This sent shivers, literally. What an incredible piece of writing Liza. I'm green with envy (in the nicest way possible of course!). How is it you produce and deliver such high calibre poetry on such a consistent basis? What's the inspiration? This oozes philosophy, in a Schopenhauer kind of way, reaffirms the existential feelings of complete dissatisfaction. Crystallizes the emotional connection to life, or distinct lack thereof if I've understood in entirety. Demonstrates your personal reality very effectively. One of the best poems I've read in a long while. Bookmarked.

    XX


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      July 9, 2007
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      You make me sound sooooooooo much better than I think I am
      Thank you very very much cat....
      XX

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    July 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply


  • Jaden silver member
    June 30, 2007
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    Yay! A good poem.


  • Heart Sutra
    June 29, 2007
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    You are brilliant. No question about that.


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply



      thank you....

      I doubt it, but hey ... it's nice to hear




  • Sir Ima Cucumber
    June 28, 2007

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    Void? My soul is a void. Sorry, just an old joke on an old website I used to be a member of...you know, those poems written by rosy faced angsty teenagers. Ok, that has nothing to do with your poem, but I like free association...sometimes a gold nugget will come from it...ok, not this time.

    I fit in both categories, the ignore and the folder saver. Yes, I understood the point...you're the latter.

    So were/are you dead? Was that your suggestion? I mean poetically.

    Wouldn't it me nice to have that passion that the sidewalk preachers have? Or any of those highly charged folk? Don't know about you but I don't have that vim.

    "What is the most important element in poetry?"

    Was that your question or AP's?

    The answer is: My soul is a void. Got me.


  • Creatress silver member
    June 28, 2007

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    Very nicely done! Some very interesting thoughts on reality, death, i think. Certinaly its rebellious.
    _creatress_


  • IronIcecream
    June 27, 2007

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    just to be judgmental:
    Einstein was a waste of brain
    he should have been a poet not scientist
    but who knows
    an atomic bomb might be the most satisfying thing in the world - pure art
    after all the inspiring sun is fusion too
    the only difference is not only the Japanese get the tan

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 27, 2007

      Edit | Reply

      It's a fair assessment I'd say.
      About the only thing I can see it satisfying is that ever persuasive thing we call curiosity, sometimes good, often bad, and not for the faint of heart.

      • IronIcecream
        June 27, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        yea pure poetry
        how fusion in the land of the rising sun brings peace on earth

        but I agree
        the faint of heart should mow the lawn for satisfaction


  • Cat gold member
    June 25, 2007
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    i remain completely in awe of your talent-
    congrats on bronze
    m

  • zara
    June 25, 2007
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    Bravo, you.


  • The Burning Year
    June 24, 2007

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    wow..I really like that ending
    it made me haha a bit...or laugh if you will...and the way that first stanza was worded..it was one of those "wowing" things when I read it...


  • Jaden silver member
    June 23, 2007
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    Quite enjoyed this. You let loose. Nice to see.

  • zara
    June 9, 2007
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    best ever



    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 9, 2007
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      thanks .. funny how that goes ... isn't it??



      • zara
        June 9, 2007

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        oh, so you're trying to be the big shot, eh, with a bigger rose than mine?

        take this
        and this
        and another

        talk about giving yourself away - so much for anonymous contests. heh

        I can hardly wait to see what you bring to workshop. Janie has your email

        • ArtFullyMe gold member
          June 9, 2007
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          haha.... no... I DON'T know how to do the teeny weeny old rose


          all I can do is the big one..

          pick something... help me and pick something for me to take...grin, or it might be nothing..

          • zara
            June 9, 2007
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            oh, and it's colonF

          • zara
            June 9, 2007
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            did you know that rating a comment erases the smileys?
            I had to "edit" and add them back in, or the previous would have made no sense.

            Take this one, or either of the previous two. Definitly take something.


            • ArtFullyMe gold member
              June 9, 2007
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              oooooo look ...the eeny weeny rose

            • ArtFullyMe gold member
              June 9, 2007
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              okay deal.. it's this one.. lol now just remind me to print it off .. lol

              and yes I knew it did.. sometimes it doesn't but most of the time it does




  • cvillelisa
    June 8, 2007

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    yay.

    this morning on my local news there was a report about a restaurant on main street in hyannis that is having trouble with "street preachers" bugging the crap out of their patrons - as it is summer so the restaurant puts tables outside. it seemed so poetic to me. selling salvation to the tourists eating their fancy food at the outdoor cafe.

    IS THIS ABOUT WRITING POEMS !!>???? that is against the rules it seems in places. course i think all poems are about writing poems. but i am repeating myself over and over lately.

    tumble and turn the words twist about
    when we let them out without worry.

    thank you

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      IS THIS ABOUT WRITING POEMS !!>????

      Yes



      your are welcome.. but really ..THANK YOU.. because well .. you know why

      it is poetic actually....grin.. so much so..

  • kvwriter silver member
    June 7, 2007
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    Ouch!

    This is a strong write and it comes from deep within you. No, we don't know, do we. I don't predict and I don't keep scrapbooks, but I do get more than a bit angered at those who believe they KNOW. They don't! Nobody does. Your write does justice in its own way. Good for you!--Kel

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 7, 2007
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      thank you very much!
      so good to see you around! ( in case you don't recall who I am, remember whims? )

      I don't say I know, but I do suspect we don't


  • pilcrow
    June 7, 2007
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    Oroborus.

  • Suzanne Dia
    June 6, 2007

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    Ha.
    I rode the bus the other day..(well, I do everyday), but in front of me was this girl with this butterfly tattoo on the back of her neck, right over the spinal column. Shudder. Felt like that tattoo mocked me, it was beautiful, and stood out and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of it....and then

    I looked to the left and there sat a girl, her body twisted to the left on the left side of the bus..staring out the window...as if she was either ignoring everyone else who was riding the bus or she was anxiously hoping to see someone ..or something outside the window. I felt like turning her head to face the butterfly, as if maybe that would help....

    I just stared instead.

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 6, 2007
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      precicely what I end up doing too, though part of me suspects well if I did, you know.... but I think you know the way that ends.. lol




  • JustBe gold member
    June 6, 2007

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    This one will be tough to top

    Up until now, that network output for god was handily my favorite among those of your poems which I have read. This gives it a run for its money. Seemingly random (but only seemingly) random thoughts seep together here to create something that is both profound and entertaining to read. Very creative. Pac-men for you.

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thank you..
      funny you mention Pac-men, I loved the game but I always got eaten too fast after getting stuck in the corners.. lol
      I've played it a bit now and then ( some old computer games thing I had ) and I've actually improved.. not that you needed to know that of course..



  • macandrew
    June 6, 2007

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    Love the first two lines (and the last three) and then there is a wonderful story of observation in the middle.

    An excellent read.
    John

  • Heart Sutra
    June 6, 2007

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    Without your poetry then philosophy would be dead! You write such thoughtful and thought provoking poems. I know when I read something you write it will be rich in intellect and I will read it a few times to enjoy the depth of it, like a great bottle of richly aged wine...it lingers in the mouth with amazing taste.


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply



      what a compliment....
      thank you... I know yours won't disappoint either...


  • B2oH
    June 6, 2007

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    Whoa Nelly....grab them napkins!

    Dead.

    The lack of power to create -- a vacuum of void. It

    is much how I feel when I find myself in that zone

    where nothing completes.

    The second stanza is the 7 days - straight through

    - of creation - only in this case, I sense the

    opposite.....the existence of 'non'. A continuous

    nothing.

    But then...aye...then....the Big Old Bang and

    popcorn balls and giggles galore, because the

    circus has returned and creation is

    rejoined...consumed...voided....by its creatures.

    This third stanza is marvelous in the layering. It's

    as though you take 'void' and play with

    consumption of definitions. 'gets on about going,

    bodies pass....sit in the pews / of god only knows".

    grin. Churches and

    erections....paned...pained....religion is shit. I

    LOVE this...

    And in the final stanza....corners. Those places

    on the edges. The prediction of second comings

    screamed in frenzy.....and that voiding saved in

    folders (and stuff)....for the very process of

    creation.

    This is quite the departure in your style. Not a

    polysyllabic word in sight and yet...you lose none of

    the intelligence of your writing, nor those layers

    folded carefully, saving the coming.....for this birth

    of words.

    Most frenzied indeed.


  • lake of dremas
    June 6, 2007
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    this is a very very deep one.. i liked it !

  • Emerald13
    June 6, 2007
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    oh hell ... this is fabulous ... [i gotta stop reading entries of my faves to contests i wish to enter] ... i love the irreverance and the viewpoint - invisibly watching the world do what it always does ... hasnt the crap always gone on ? milleniums of bodies passing, getting on buses [or horse and cart], sitting in pews [always pews] and fucking in seats [always] ...

    yours always has me thinking and reeling .. really enjoyed this ... >> gina


  • WisdomWarrior
    June 6, 2007

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    I am definitely out of my element here. My view on life is quite bright.... almost blinding in comparison. I mean what is life without hope? I pray I never find out.

    John

  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    June 5, 2007
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    what the fuck?

    .......... (and not many poets can make me say that)


  • Danneh
    June 5, 2007

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    Death is a but a hinderance, but not for long if you try.

    Godly things displease me, but I shall continue on. As the sun does rise and fall, and you deserve this.

    Ain't that the truth, run from sin to the church, pray for grievance but return to sin. Never give, never love. Only hate.

    This corner sits dejected, neglected confused and abused. We sit and wait, knowing the truth they'll never believe.

    Good job


  • ca ne fait rien
    June 5, 2007

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    The bit that makes the little hairs on the back of the neck and on the forearms and the toes ()if you are a hobbit,) stand up.
    This does that.


  • Wildequill
    June 5, 2007

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    Some very appropriate play on words here, Liza..
    Reality is not a pretty thang, by any means - how apt we are, us mortals, at devising schemes to justify ourselves in this unfathomable existence... Ever google the words "intelligence and religion" before...?

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      I have .. a few times, it's amazing what you can find..
      Yes, and yes... it's not, and we do.. we are extraordinarily good at using symbols...
      ... and thank you..


  • Night Hope gold member
    June 5, 2007

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    "Life isn't easy when you're dead,
    there's always a thirst for creation."

    Yeahhh, what Elaine said. Gorgeous & intelligent penning, my Friend...I've always said, much like the NRA slogan, "You can have my pen when you pry it outta my cold, dead fingers...& even then, I'm gonna fight ya for it." Good luck in Lisa's contest, Sweetie...This is the 3rd entry I've read today; I don't envy her task... Wanda


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply


      thank you... .. I'm taking mine with me so I can take notes and send them back..


  • misselaineous
    June 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is an amazingly excellent poem
    it has such a bittersweet irreverance that i adored


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thank you.... and yes

      you nailed the emotion.. precicely ..


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    June 5, 2007

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    this is a really cool piece for the contest...


    love the close of this


    al


  • NurseChilly gold member
    June 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well because my brain is in a foggy haze... and i've still got 2 night shifts to go...i shall say...

    this is wildly wild with great little hiding holes that i can stick my fingers in .. and point... and say... come look... look at the stuff here...... ....
    you are in your universe and it is grand....




    how very dare you


    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      June 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thank you... lol ... I have no idea where it came from, lol




      • NurseChilly gold member
        June 5, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        inside - silly

        lolololololol

        in that expanse of brain tissue that is on a celestial trip at the moment


        • ArtFullyMe gold member
          June 5, 2007
          Edit | Reply

          oooooooo .... there... well why didn't you say so before..

          lololol

          ..

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