Rose petals dance
on her grave,
mimicking the pills that
had skipped from her wilted palm.
Her stone is engraved with
“obsession in a bottle,”
dredging up the delight
of her over-indulged caper.
So now she dances,
amid the flourishing colour,
and she whispers her freedom
between the blossoms.
She dances to the memory
of her sorrow, and she listens
to the clatter of her empty bottle
on the harsh stone floor.
Author notes
Suggestions welcome.
In reply to a popular query, this poem isn't from experience. The inspiration came from random thoughts (as always) that filled my obscure mind. The words "dancing" and "pills" were first to appear and I wrote the rest around that.
Discontinue reading now if you don't want to know my (the writers) intentional meaning of the poem....
The poem in brief is about the soul of a girl dancing on her own grave, restless by the way she took her own life.
Thanks for reading.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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VERY SAD!!!
A young life sadly ends with ever knowing their potential. Society puts upon us so much stress today and so many end up dying as they find it so hard to deal with.
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Wow.... have you ever read a poem that was so short but paked with so much imagery that you cant close your eys fro fear of losing the deliacte scape layed before you with words...thats this poem!!!! It was remarkable!!!!!! I loved every line of it!!!!! Keep up the awesome writing?????
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Wonderful
Wow, this is really profound. Considering the subject matter, you really create some beautiful images in this piece. I especially like the first stanza, but the whole poem is really just wonderful. You clearly have a lot of talent.
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this is one of those poems that stands out because of how brilliant it is. you my dear are very gifted. I enjoyed this quite a bit.
Kristi
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wow, this is an amazing piece, very creative. I love the line:
Her stone is engraved with
“obsession in a bottle,”
I really like this poem and enjoyed reading it, thanks for sharing -
I really like this. I think it isn't only a pretty poem. It's deep and has meaning and I like that it seems hidden in a beautiful piece.
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Wow! This flows so well, and when I got to the end I had to look through again, and I honestly can't tell you why! obviously, your meter is perfect, but it justs sounds so brilliant and wonderful.
You have here a truly brilliant piece of work, full of imagery and description. I love the words you've used, and the whole thing sounds so right together.
A really wonderful piece, really well done!
Katie -
Very Well done! Excellant piece. Gives the reader much to ponder. Wonderfully visual, your words flow like music. A great pen! Kelly
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Excellent!
Isn't writing wonderfully satisfying and aggravating at the same time?
I like how this piece tells the story of the lady and how it has affected her eternity. There certainly could be worse fates than dancing on her own grave
I like the imagery of it. Rose petals being compared to the pills she took to kill herself, how she listens to the clatter of the empty bottle.
I can't add too much to this. It is written very well as it is.
Well done!
~Corvidae
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Bittersweet, beautiful
I like the imagery of the petals dancing on the grave, mimicking the pills that skip across the floor.
It must be a dream sequence, I think, because what a creepy family to put that on her marker.
Your third stanza is the strongest and most evocative for me.
I'm not as keen on "rested sorrow," I don't know what that means. "She dances to the memory of her sorrow" strikes me as more powerful. I might also have her listen to the clatter of an empty bottle on a cold wooden floor. "Fallen" just sounds as if it is still, as if it's fallen and it can't get up, rather than rattling around in her brain for eternity.
But look at how you set my brain to spinning. Thank you for posting this.
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Thanks for your commment. I've altered it a bit.
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Beautiful, heart-felt piece. I truly hope this is not written from a true experience, but either way it was wonderful to read!
love and peace
halleluja
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wow
yeah I like it, I like it allot. It's kinda slow and thoughtful and the world needs more of that in my opinion. It's just sad but in like a good sollum way and I like it. I'd really like to know your inspiration. It's really good.Try to give it more of a point though. All in all it's great. -
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Thanks for the comment. Glad you enjoyed it. The sole point is her soul dances upon her grave, restless from the way she took her own life. In my opinion more would be less, don't you think? Thanks again.
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i like it
itz a really good poem.. how did u get the idea of it?? -
i really like it
although id like to know what inspired it, then maybe it might be easier to suggest things.
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