-I- Segments
Segments
Of a heart, or an orange
Although they can be fitted
Together again,
Sometimes, the cracks
And the missing 'glue'
Is what defines the characteristics
And the purpose.
-II- Cavity
Pulsing
Beating
Thumping
Contracting
My heart, my life force
Controlling my body
Giving me movement
But still it feels,
Empty
Hollow
A shell
-III- Whispers Of My Heart
The whispers of my broken heart
Come whistling through the air
To perch themselves upon my shoulder
And tell me they are there
As if I need reminding
Like on Valentines Day
Another commercial event
Feelings never go away
Oh please, just leave me be
Or heal yourself I ask
Find someone that I can love
Immerse in that task
Empty, pulsing cavity
Deep inside my chest
Needs a little loving
Let my organs do the pumping
.... let my heart have a rest
A contest entry
- Ready, Set, GO! - Round 1 - "Part Poetry" -Open to everyone! by AureateCorona.
500 points, ended July 27, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Expressive
In -II- Cavity, I love how you describe the heart and its functional purposes, and contrast those purposes with how it feels. The effect is poignant. Any mention of horrible Valentine's Day stuff will also make me like a poem more.
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the beginning felt as though you were heading in one direction but the middle and the end veered off into a new direction. I could really feel the genuity of this work.
Good luck in the contest.
-AC-
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a slick poem that was written perfectly in segments. you did not give too much away at once, and at the end of the poem, the individual segments seem amplified by the overall value. a painfully true piece (valentines day reference), but with many small gems of language; I especially enjoyed "empty / hollow / a shell"
great job.
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Well done. This is wonderful. I have never read this form or written in this form but you seem to have done a magnificent job at penning this piece. I love the way you compared a broken heart to orange segments and how they will fit back together but are never the same without the glue. Good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 6
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A well executed write my friend.
To take a heart, anyones heart, and tear it apart, is criminal. Yes the 'glue' doesn't piece it together again, for the life blood has been sucked out of it.
The emptyness felt from within, is a hole that can take too long to fill again, you just need the right filler, and that takes time to find.
soft words of spoken sorry's will not heal it, and you have to step back, take a look at what remidies are available and give it time to fix itself while the rest of you lives on in self strength.
I liked this, very well done.
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I aggree with you on most of part one, but what glue do you speak of in an orange or a heart neither have glue, and if they have metaphorical glue I wish you would describe more clearly. Part 2 Sad but true you feel the beat but sometimes the beat doesn't feel you, gets lost somewhere in the thick sadness, that keeps it from truly thriving. Part 3, completes the first two stanza and wraps it up quite nicely, on a whole it was enjoyable, I found it unique the way you named all three parts, this is maybe what you can use as a personal signature to your poetry, a style so to speak,
Chelsea Alexandra.
. Rewarded 8
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Thankyou for your comment, and it is appreciated. I suppose that when I spoke of glue in an orange, I meant the pithy type stuff, that never always comes off, that holds it together. And as for the heart, if it is broken, how else do you fix something, if not with glue?. I enjoyed reading your comment, and Im glad you liked the overall piece. Take care Nadine XxX
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